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1) Get on a site that you have to pay for, the women on the free ones (ie POF) are attention whores looking for a pen pal.
2) Get some professional headshots of yourself, make sure you smile for the camera. Post 2-3 attractive/normal pictures of yourself and 2-3 of you with family/friends. Keep it simple, nothing silly. DO NOT post a picture of yourself with another girl.
3) Write a genuine, direct and vibrant profile. Doesn't have to be super funny or dramatic, just talk about your interests and what you're looking for. Avoid gimicky/weird/pretentious rhetoric, again, keep it simple.
4) Message about 3 girls a day. Don't limit yourself to the hottest girls, a strict age range, etc. Open up your tolerances, even if you're not initially attracted, be willing to message and go on at least 1 date with pretty much anyone. Keep your first message friendly, light, 3-6 sentences, mention something specific in their profile. When you start getting responses, respond back promptly but do not get caught up in an email volley. You should offer your number and ask if they'd like to chat by telephone on the 3rd or 4th message, no later. Offer your number and ask them to send you a text.
5) When you have each other's numbers, call her up and talk for 15-30 minutes, maybe longer if you really clique. At the end of the convo, ask them out for a cup of coffee.
That, my friend, is how I've learned to work online dating, and I pulled over a dozen different women for at least 1 date within a span of 3 months using these methods (that's a date-a-week). The last one in that string of dates became my current gf. Also, I used 3 different websites. Some of this may sound crass and calculating, but it really is a numbers game, so you have to just loosen up your tolerances and have fun with it. Good luck.
Much of this has not been my experience as to how online dating, or dating in general, works. But, to each their own. I believe that pay sites are unnecessary and have pulled (and by pulled, I mean sex) enough girls from free sites that I know that #1 in untrue. #2 is unnecessary. #3 is unnecessary. You could message way more girls than 3 in one day. #5 can be unnecessary, depending on the girl. I've hung out with girls without ever talking to them on the phone.
Although I do completely agree that it IS all a numbers game.
But, like I said, to each their own. What works for the goose doesn't always work for the gander.
It's good to have others in a pic, to show that you're a normal person with friends. Also, a pic or 2 with a reasonably attractive girl would be good (don't overdo this though). Also, pics of yourself doing cool things. I have pics of myself skydiving and traveling.
And, yes, like the other poster said, at least a pic or 2 of you just looking good. A friend of mine actually had some pics professionally done, which is a bit much for me, but his success skyrocketed afterwards. Just something to think about...
Captain Jack
See that's the problem for some of us. We don't have shutterbug friends... I'm not a shut-in but my Facebook photos would tell quite a different story since most of my buddies aren't taking pictures of everything all the time.
Post of a pic of yourself with a kid...as somebody said above, it helps to show your softer side.
My profile pic has me with my niece, in the pic she's 4 years old, super cute and smiling. I've had more than a few women remark on it, and sometimes they ask me if she's my daughter...and when I say no I guess a light goes off in their head - that this guy is single, available and he's good with kids!
I've never paid for any dating sites and I get many dates. I probably message about 10-15 women every 2-3 days. The more you send out, the better chance you have. I have a short standard message, which says hi, where I'm from and then I add one or two sentences and questions relevant to her profile. That's it.
On OKCupid you can chat online with people too, doesn't hurt to say hi because probably about 10% will respond. I managed to get a date this way a week ago too. 2 days after I messaged her we were making out in the parking lot after meeting for coffee
See that's the problem for some of us. We don't have shutterbug friends... I'm not a shut-in but my Facebook photos would tell quite a different story since most of my buddies aren't taking pictures of everything all the time.
I take my own pics, man. Whenever I go out, I always bring a camera....especially when I'm doing something cool.
I do too, I usually just use my cellphone camera. Of course, having a strong preference for landscape and structure photography over people photography doesn't help haha.
Much of this has not been my experience as to how online dating, or dating in general, works. But, to each their own. I believe that pay sites are unnecessary and have pulled (and by pulled, I mean sex) enough girls from free sites that I know that #1 in untrue. #2 is unnecessary. #3 is unnecessary. You could message way more girls than 3 in one day. #5 can be unnecessary, depending on the girl. I've hung out with girls without ever talking to them on the phone.
Although I do completely agree that it IS all a numbers game.
But, like I said, to each their own. What works for the goose doesn't always work for the gander.
Captain Jack
Alot of my lack of success on POF was because of my not following any of my 5 rules at that time. If I were single, I'd be willing to give POF/OKCupid another shot with my now better pics, profile, writing skills, etc. However, I do still think that these free sites are loaded with girls who just come in after they get board with their facebook (one of them even said this in her profile, lol). The women on the paid sites tend to take it more seriously and are also more attractive, in my experiences at least. Eharmony is a treasure chest, I had to turn off my matches for a while, hehe. A lot of attractive, professional career women on there. Match.com was also very effective for me, alot of the women on there are more into the casual/hook-up thing, if that's what the OP is looking for.
Last edited by fightforlove; 08-24-2012 at 11:08 AM..
1. Focus completely on the pics. Women don't really care about your profile. Trust me, they barely read your profile.
2. Get pics that show that you are social and cool
3. Do not go past 5 messages before you ask her out. I prefer to ask for a date rather than a number. But usually after 5 messages, ask for the date/number and if she won't comply, just discard her because she is attention *****
4. Keep the messages short and interesting. Don't comment on something from her profile unless you make a funny comment about it. Don't do it. It won't help you to tell her your common interests.
1. Be good looking and fit/muscular
2. Make sure you seem interesting in your profile
3. Be good looking and fit/muscular
4. Make sure you have at least 5 good pics of yourself to put on the site
5. Be good looking and fit/muscular
i had much better success on OKCupid than the pay sites i tried (similar results, weekly-ish dates). there were certain't many genuine women looking to date there. to each their own
agreed on POF. but a buddy of mine had great luck there. it's strange. perhaps it depends on what types of messages you send/profile you create
I am having better luck with POF then I am OKCupid. The women on OKCupid tend to be more snobbish if you will. I guess it depends what your looking for.
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