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Basically let's say you have decided to be childfree. You get to meet a significant other who you know in your heart is someone you feel is the "one." However this SO wants kids or is not willing to take parenthood completely off the table and basically you can't change their mind. What do you do? You obviously feel that you aren't cut out to be a parent but you love this person so much the thought of losing them may be more than you can bear?
How would you react to this situation?
Please no "the one would share the same views on this topic" answers.
I'm sorry.
With something THIS IMPORTANT, they can't be 'the one' if this philosophy is so completely out of line.
This is not a trivial matter.
Just like someone who didn't like dogs couldn't be the one for me.
Or someone who was too laid back and not ambitious.
Or someone disorganized and flaky.
Or someone out-of-shape and ugly.
Those are much smaller issues, but they completely eliminate the chance that person is 'the one.'
So wouldn't a GIANT life-changing issue like children completely eliminate the possibility?
As for answering without 'going there,' I would say that both of you should move on and find someone else. Far better that you are hurt and devastated than the defenseless kids who didn't ask to be born.
Please no "the one would share the same views on this topic" answers.
Why not? That is the truth of it. Take it from someone whose ex thought he could change her mind on the subject.
Those who want children should not have to sacrifice that dream, and those who do not want children should not have to acquiesce to someone else's dream.
Having kids is a very serious thing. It's not like buying a car, where you can trade-up or sell after a while. It's permanent, and it changes your life. Indeed, it takes over your life, both in time and resources, as any parent who does it right can tell you. It's a life course, a path with no going back. Therefore, to have, or not to have, children, is one of the very basic things a couple should agree on. Otherwise, odds are very high that the one who defers to the other's wishes will come to resent that person.
The smart thing to do in a situation like this is to end it, even if it hurts. There are millions and millions of people out there. Eventually one will come along who is truly compatible, whom you can also love.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Sigh. Well the answers confirmed the truth I didn't wanna face. It sucks when the pool that you would have a chance with shrinks for another reason. But at the end of the day making and having children are a major deal-breaker for me and it is something I can't compromise on. I would actually be more open to be a step-parent or an adoptive parent than a natural parent. It is what it is and if it means I end up without a SO for life so be it.
I would say it depends on the reason(s) you don't want to have kids.
If it is because you are young and want to do "non-kid things" - go to night clubs, be free to move around, etc., I would say that I was once like that, but changed as I grew older. Later on I wanted to "settle down".
Or financial reasons. Not enough room where you are living. Those things can change or be changed.
If you just hate kids or for some reason *know* you would be best to never be a parent, then that is a definite "deal breaker".
If you feel you could change, perhaps you and your SO could do a bit of babysitting in the evenings. See if you could grow to like it. Maybe take some parenting classes. Then make a decision.
Sigh. Well the answers confirmed the truth I didn't wanna face. It sucks when the pool that you would have a chance with shrinks for another reason. But at the end of the day making and having children are a major deal-breaker for me and it is something I can't compromise on. I would actually be more open to be a step-parent or an adoptive parent than a natural parent. It is what it is and if it means I end up without a SO for life so be it.
Well if that's the case then your pool hasn't really gotten that much smaller.
There are a lot of single/divorced/widowed mothers out there with children that don't want additional children.
Sigh. Well the answers confirmed the truth I didn't wanna face. It sucks when the pool that you would have a chance with shrinks for another reason. But at the end of the day making and having children are a major deal-breaker for me and it is something I can't compromise on. I would actually be more open to be a step-parent or an adoptive parent than a natural parent. It is what it is and if it means I end up without a SO for life so be it.
Oh, good grief! You're barely out of the gate, entering the social world, and you're already convincing yourself you'll be single for life. First it was the wigged- out roommate and his break-up. Now this. Do you see how you have these negative thought patterns, and a tendency to catastrophize around the issue of finding an SO? It's almost like you want to set yourself up to fail. Stop worrying. Just enjoy circulating and meeting people. Life is to be enjoyed, not fretted about. It will happen when it's ready to happen. In the meantime, get out there and have fun. That's an order from your doctor.
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You're barely out of the gate, entering the social world, and you're already convincing yourself you'll be single for life. First it was the wigged- out roommate and his break-up. Now this. Do you see how you have these negative thought patterns, and a tendency to catastrophize around the issue of finding an SO? It's almost like you want to set yourself up to fail. Stop worrying. Just enjoy circulating and meeting people. Life is to be enjoyed, not fretted about. It will happen when it's ready to happen. In the meantime, get out there and have fun. That's an order from your doctor. 
