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My boyfriend and I are in the middle of a long distance relationship. We have know eachother since we were kids. He is sweet, loving, kind, generous and very very good to my kids. My problem? Whenever we disagree on something ( luckily it isn't often) he refuses to see any opinion but his own. When I state why I disagree with his opinion he flips out and tells me he isn't allowed to have an opinion blah blah. Yes, you ARE allowed to have an opinion, and I am allowed to disagree with it, no? It becomes a HUGE argument and then he turns into a child. Saying things he doesn't mean, breaking up our relationship, (which he never really does it's all idle threats) and I feel like wow..how do I deal with this? He is 50 and I am 47, we aren't kids. Any suggestions?
I also should add that he lost his mother when he was 14 and his older siblings took his younger siblings with them and left him with his Dad who was already checked out of the situation and never took care of him. He is a good man that I feel is emotionally stunted from this childhood tragedy.
My boyfriend and I are in the middle of a long distance relationship. We have know eachother since we were kids. He is sweet, loving, kind, generous and very very good to my kids. My problem? Whenever we disagree on something ( luckily it isn't often) he refuses to see any opinion but his own. When I state why I disagree with his opinion he flips out and tells me he isn't allowed to have an opinion blah blah. Yes, you ARE allowed to have an opinion, and I am allowed to disagree with it, no? It becomes a HUGE argument and then he turns into a child. Saying things he doesn't mean, breaking up our relationship, (which he never really does it's all idle threats) and I feel like wow..how do I deal with this? He is 50 and I am 47, we aren't kids. Any suggestions?
I also should add that he lost his mother when he was 14 and his older siblings took his younger siblings with them and left him with his Dad who was already checked out of the situation and never took care of him. He is a good man that I feel is emotionally stunted from this childhood tragedy.
That doesn't sound like a healthy relationship to be in and I wouldn't want to date someone so emotionally immature. I did that once, but we were both in our early 20s then. How much are you willing to put up with? Is there a future for you? Are you letting him away with behavior you otherwise wouldn't, because you have a long history together?
My boyfriend and I are in the middle of a long distance relationship. We have know eachother since we were kids. He is sweet, loving, kind, generous and very very good to my kids. My problem? Whenever we disagree on something ( luckily it isn't often) he refuses to see any opinion but his own. When I state why I disagree with his opinion he flips out and tells me he isn't allowed to have an opinion blah blah. Yes, you ARE allowed to have an opinion, and I am allowed to disagree with it, no? It becomes a HUGE argument and then he turns into a child. Saying things he doesn't mean, breaking up our relationship, (which he never really does it's all idle threats) and I feel like wow..how do I deal with this? He is 50 and I am 47, we aren't kids. Any suggestions?
I also should add that he lost his mother when he was 14 and his older siblings took his younger siblings with them and left him with his Dad who was already checked out of the situation and never took care of him. He is a good man that I feel is emotionally stunted from this childhood tragedy.
Good lucking fixing THAT. If he's hasn't gotten through this stuff by the time he's 50...
I also should add that he lost his mother when he was 14 and his older siblings took his younger siblings with them and left him with his Dad who was already checked out of the situation and never took care of him. He is a good man that I feel is emotionally stunted from this childhood tragedy.
This ^^^ doesn't give him a pass to be an a-hole.
It's hard for anyone to suggest ways for you to "handle" his reactions when all we have is your side of the story. You may think you are "just disagreeing," when you may be doing it in a way that provokes him. I really have no way of knowing how y'all fight.
How do you react now when he breaks things off during his baby fit? Who initiates the getting back together?
I am tempted to say "call his bluff," and when he breaks up, let it stay broken up for a while.
My best advice, though, is to stop letting his past pave the way for all future encounters.
Said it before, will say it again: this guy has major baggage from childhood that he hasn't dealt with. It would be a major project for him to deal with this in therapy (2-3 years IF he finds a good therapist, which are rare). You could try couples therapy and see if that helps for the shorter term. But the question remains: do you want to be with someone who has this kind of baggage? You can find sweet, loving, kind, generous and very good to your kids elsewhere. It may take you time, but you can find it.
How well do you know him, anyway, being in a long-distance relationship with him? Those can turn out very differently once the couple is sharing a living space together. It's easy to be patient, loving, etc. when you're at a distance. This can give you a false impression of the person. I'd say the real impression is the difficult, petulant one. Red flags are to be taken seriously. Don't get more involved with this person until these serious issues are addressed, if you want to wait that long. You're not getting any younger, and time's a-wasting.
It's hard for anyone to suggest ways for you to "handle" his reactions when all we have is your side of the story. You may think you are "just disagreeing," when you may be doing it in a way that provokes him. I really have no way of knowing how y'all fight.
How do you react now when he breaks things off during his baby fit? Who initiates the getting back together?
I am tempted to say "call his bluff," and when he breaks up, let it stay broken up for a while.
My best advice, though, is to stop letting his past pave the way for all future encounters.
You are right, it's not a pass. He always initiates getting back together, even though we never actually break up. I totally think my way of disagreeing with him provokes him, I just don't know how to do it in a different way.
Yes. I do want to be with him. When we are together I am happier than I have ever been. These stupid disagreements are what frustrate me because I don't know how the hell to fix them.
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