Soon to be Ex-Wife engaging in harmful behavior - What's My Responsibility? (girls, sex)
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Life evolves..things unfolding (particularly significant ones like this) are hard to pin down.
I wasnt there when her suicidal thing happened – but the fact remains she did make the comment before hand, did try to take the pill bottle, was taken to the er, told the doctors in the psych eval she tried to kill herself, and told the marriage counselor she did as well.
Things have changed quite a bit since that posting. When she was being released from the psych hold, starting marriage counseling, independent counseling...things were more on the upside, and i could more readily claim it as an "off" and unchacteristic event. But given whats happening now, her behavior, her comments – its taking on a different light.
Having said that – please keep attempts to "one up me" out of this thread. Given the nature, frequency, emotional background, and time span of what im posting – youre only getting fragments of the situation.
Please stay on topic with what im asking for this thread. Ive argued in the past and gone off topic, but - not on this one. Do a pm if you feel the need..
This isnt about "ammunition" either. Thats an aggravating assertion to hear, and not worth further commenting on.
Thanks for the replies so far.
Regarding the "move out asap" remarks - im aware, unfortunately saying it is easier than doing, especially when only you have been working since april, and neither of you have parents you could fall back on. She just started a full time job and will be okay once her paycheck comes in. I should be out within a month, until then we work opposite schedules..
What i was really curious about when i started the thread was whether i should send the open email to her family. Ive only spoken to certain members individually, and held some things back. Out in the open to them all, putting responsibility on them, and updating them that whatever they think they did when they said theyd "talk to her" - hasnt worked.
I talked with her the other day, even showing her pictures of babies born with herpies - and "is that really what you want to pass on to them?"
She hasnt seen anyone since then...
Theres one guy she says she really likes, ive met him, he seems to treat her as more than just a one night stand...hes coming over wednesday (im staying at a friends until friday). Im hoping she ends the one night stands with strange men and pursues him.
To the people saying were sharing too much detail with eachother (as in her admitting to not using a condom) - i guess were different, please dont dwell too much on it.
Anyway, ive decided to wait atleast a week before sending an email..hopefully she was just emotional, and after saying stupid comments...realizes they were stupid. Same with inviting anonymous men over from the internet..
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Being married to you drove her mad.
She will get better now, as soon as you GET OUT OF HER LIFE.
I think showing your concerns is good enough. Anything beyond that, (if I were her), I'd interpret your behavior and worries as controlling and smothering.
After all, it's my life and I do not appreciate people meddling into my business in what I do.
Lastly, I would not want someone to tell me what I "should" do, especially after a break-up.
Doing so decreases my desire to even want to be around someone who would even think they're the expert of my life, and makes the other person look desperate. Big time.
You can also potentially scare other prospects away, because you seem very wrapped up and entangled in her life. There are ways to show you care by letting go.
No one likes a snitch. If someone were to meddle in my life, they get the boot. They will also see just how angry I can get with someone.
Snitch?
With someone who tried to kill themself only a few months ago, talks about killing themself once theyre alone, and talks about wanting to catch an std with guys shes inviting over for one night stands? Someone whose diagnosed with depression and who seems to be on the decline...?
You seriously view alerting family to it as "snitching?"
Like i said, theres some things they dont know....id hate to completely back out of the situation and be the only person aware of the comments, that shes more depressed, that more guys are coming over for one night stands, that shes not concerned about protection...
Look, those of us who have read your posts before know that this is not as simple a situation as you describe. You and your wife have a messed up, complicated relationship. You have social interaction issues. You have had an extraordinarily bad relationship with her family.
Write a note, emphasizing that your concern is for her. Do not accuse them of any bad behavior or lack of caring or anything. State that she has been engaging in harmful behaviors (don't elaborate) and has made comments related to possible suicide again. Tell them you want them to know, since you are soon to be divorced and will be out of her life. By doing that, you'll have done your duty and can sleep at night.
Then get your a** out of her life! All your talk of how hard it is to move out is just an excuse. Find a way to move out. You already said you're paying for everything. So keep paying for whatever you need to for her (give her a time limit) and get a cheap place for yourself. Move in for a short time with a friend. But you living in that house is THE most dysfunctional, co-dependent thing I can think of. MOVE OUT.
With someone who tried to kill themself only a few months ago, talks about killing themself once theyre alone, and talks about wanting to catch an std with guys shes inviting over for one night stands? Someone whose diagnosed with depression and who seems to be on the decline...?
You seriously view alerting family to it as "snitching?"
Like i said, theres some things they dont know....id hate to completely back out of the situation and be the only person aware of the comments, that shes more depressed, that more guys are coming over for one night stands, that shes not concerned about protection...
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As we have tried to put to you in tiny little words, that you need to mind your own goddamned business. You talked to her parents her etc and the whole internet. Yes, that is snitching. Not sure if I can break it down into a more simple concept. You are supposed to be divorced from her. Her wellbeing is no longer your business.
While talking about stupid, this sounds like stunt my stupid dumbass mouth breathing ex wife would do. Move the hell on already.
Look, those of us who have read your posts before know that this is not as simple a situation as you describe. You and your wife have a messed up, complicated relationship. You have social interaction issues. You have had an extraordinarily bad relationship with her family.
Write a note, emphasizing that your concern is for her. Do not accuse them of any bad behavior or lack of caring or anything. State that she has been engaging in harmful behaviors (don't elaborate) and has made comments related to possible suicide again. Tell them you want them to know, since you are soon to be divorced and will be out of her life. By doing that, you'll have done your duty and can sleep at night.
Then get your a** out of her life! All your talk of how hard it is to move out is just an excuse. Find a way to move out. You already said you're paying for everything. So keep paying for whatever you need to for her (give her a time limit) and get a cheap place for yourself. Move in for a short time with a friend. But you living in that house is THE most dysfunctional, co-dependent thing I can think of. MOVE OUT.
Again – posts only show fragments of the story, usually emotional, and its a cathartic experience.
Dont reply based off trying to string peices together and "read between the lines" - take what the poster is asking at face value. Youre unaware of developments, what happened directly after posting, etc etc etc.
Focus on the question being asked please..
This thread isnt about moving out. Im aware i need to, but its sort of the ultimate - "easier said than done" scenario. Its going to happen, like i said she just started full time and will be able to take over once her check comes in....and i keep saying we work opposite shifts and rarely see eachother, plus im at a friends house until friday....
And my relationship with the parents is strained (actually greatly improved since being diagnosed with aspergers, and learning how to properly interact with them, them being informed and willing to work with it).
Her fathers been great, and im actually going to very much miss them.
Good ****ing gawd. You want to resolve the situation? They pay attention to the posts here. You want help, following the advise here is a good start.
Again, it is more the same crap from you. We can't help you, beause you resfuse time and again to listen.
Im sorry - "move out" isnt helpful. Some have been for the email, some against, then some who make assumptions and reply to a different scenario all together..
Someone calling me a snitch for wanting to tell family she said shed kill herself once alone? After being taken to the er and having her stomach pumped just a few months ago?
Give me a break.
Its upsetting, because this is real life, and a real scenario thats going on...but people are more focused on going through my post history and trying to "read between the lines"...
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You are supposed to be divorced from her. Her wellbeing is no longer your business. 
