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People here are being silly. That stuff would be gross/weird and you all know it. She still lives in the house? What's the deal? Change the doorknob and put a lock on the door. If she's kicked out, make her be kicked out, why's she coming back to the house? Let her go over to the guys' places.
Were I divorcing someone, I sure as hell wouldn't just sleep with girls in the house. And if I did, I would make a point of cleaning everything up before she got back so as to keep everything to myself. No need to cause more awkwardness or problems.
We were together for almost 9 years, married for 5. She has low self esteem issues, depression & anxiety, had a suicide attempt this past year, and we just had an ectopic pregnancy which almost killed her about 4 months ago. We still love each other and want to remain friends...we just married too young, never dated people prior, and realize there probably are better matches for us..
Plus, now that I'm taking a step back from everything - I realize how tired I am of dealing with her anxiety & depression..
So, she's become quite promiscuous over the past few months. I think there's been around 5 guys she's had sex with so far (off dating sites) - a few times inviting them straight over to the house (which we share until I can move out (soon)..) as the first meeting. I'm aware of atleast one without protection.
I still love her and after knowing her since we were teenagers - I know she's not the type of person to do that.
What I really think, is that she needs her family to step in and be a little judgmental and encourage her back into counseling (she stopped once we quit marriage counseling). I know she's depressed over losing the pregnancy, the divorce, and then she expresses how depressing the idea of living alone will be.
I've spoken to her mother, her father, and one of the sisters (who she's closest to) - gave them all the detail (there have been more guys since then..). They each expressed how surprised they were to hear it, how "wrong and dangerous" it was and how they agree she needed help - but they do nothing!
This is the family who makes a point to be there all together for dinner at the dads each week - yet when actual s**t hits the fan - it's ... "I'm sorry that it's happening, but I'm trying to create the least amount of stress for my family as I can..." - her sister.
Or the mother who wants to argue over whose going to cut the grass and do home maintenance - when the topic is how I'm sick of guys coming over, skrewing her in our bed & then leaving, and that she's refusing to *stop* doing it until I can move out - hence why she's being kicked out (since I'm paying all the bills..), and asking to stay at their house.
She's since back here, we're working alternate shifts, yet the guys coming over while I'm at work continues.
I'm tempted to send one last open email to all of them, being brutally honest with how dissapointed I am with them for only being there for the *fun* family moments, yet standing on the sidelines when she needs them the most. That they need to step up, or be prepared for perhaps her next attempt to be successful, and to be prepared knowing they did nothing to stop it (she has made off handed suicidal comments since).
So - what should I do in this situation? What I'm afraid of is leaving, having her do something, and feeling like I didn't do enough to prevent it..or for her to come down with something, or to meet the wrong person online...
BTW - she's getting the house, so I'm unable to force her out and with family.
Why is she getting the house?
As for the rest, do yourself a favor and wash your hands of it. Don't talk to her for a while. You will no longer responsible for her.
Im sorry - "move out" isnt helpful. Some have been for the email, some against, then some who make assumptions and reply to a different scenario all together..
Someone calling me a snitch for wanting to tell family she said shed kill herself once alone? After being taken to the er and having her stomach pumped just a few months ago?
Give me a break.
Its upsetting, because this is real life, and a real scenario thats going on...but people are more focused on going through my post history and trying to "read between the lines"...
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History shows pattern, sport.
You, give us a break.
You are clearly beyond help.
Honestly she should have you served with a protection order, you contact or come within 100 feet of me, off to jail and charges of violating a protection order would be filed.
If my ex wife were to attempt any of the crap you're trying that would be my course of action. You are clearly someone who cannot or will not "get it."
Again – posts only show fragments of the story, usually emotional, and its a cathartic experience.
Dont reply based off trying to string peices together and "read between the lines" - take what the poster is asking at face value. Youre unaware of developments, what happened directly after posting, etc etc etc.
Focus on the question being asked please..
Dude, I'm not trying to read between the lines. I've been reading, in a literal fashion, every stinking thing you've written. It is a true statement that your relationship with your wife is messed up. (Otherwise, you would not be divorcing.) It's a true statement that your relationship with her family is messed up. It's a true statement that you have Aspergers and do not pick up on the same social interaction clues the rest of us do. So step off your lecture podium and accept that we are trying to help you as honestly as we can.
Quote:
This thread isnt about moving out. Im aware i need to, but its sort of the ultimate - "easier said than done" scenario. Its going to happen, like i said she just started full time and will be able to take over once her check comes in....and i keep saying we work opposite shifts and rarely see eachother, plus im at a friends house until friday....
What we are ALL trying to tell you is that this thread SHOULD be about moving out. Here are the facts regarding the house: (1) She gets the house. You will have to move out. (2) You are currently paying for the house and will do so until she can afford it. Oooookay, so ... move out & keep paying for the house. Problem solved. You being in the house is clearly bad for everyone involved -- you included.
I notice that you didn't bother to respond to my advice about the note to her family. Sigh. Lost focus, yourself?
Honestly she should have you served with a protection order, you contact or come within 100 feet of me, off to jail and charges of violating a protection order would be filed.
If my ex wife were to attempt any of the crap you're trying that would be my course of action. You are clearly someone who cannot or will not "get it."
Sd - i dont know what you think youre replying to, but its not the situation described...
Please, move on to another thread as id rather this not get off topic...
She gets the house because i moved up here to be with her..all my family is 1200 miles away. Id like the option to return if i wanted, but i like work and my friends up here, so im staying (for now atleast).
Sd - i dont know what you think youre replying to, but its not the situation described...
Please, move on to another thread as id rather this not get off topic...
She gets the house because i moved up here to be with her..all my family is 1200 miles away. Id like the option to return if i wanted, but i like work and my friends up here, so im staying (for now atleast).
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Quit making excuses. Quit deflecting, man up and move the eff out. Finalize your divorce... Otherwise continue to wring your hands continue in the totally screwed situation, continue down th screwed up road you are traveling. Continue to make the poor decisions, and wonder why your life is ****ed up.
Yes, it is on topic... So quit trying to tell people their posts are "off topic."
Quit making excuses. Quit deflecting, man up and move the eff out. Finalize your divorce... Otherwise continue to wring your hands continue in the totally screwed situation, continue down th screwed up road you are traveling. Continue to make the poor decisions, and wonder why your life is ****ed up.
Yes, it is on topic... So quit trying to tell people their posts are "off topic."
Cant afford a 700 mortgage plus utilities, on top of an apartment, plus utilities.
I could take all my money and leave her with bills unpaid, but thats not my definition of "maning up."
I was told once, "If you're bold enough to do the crime, you're bold enough to serve the time."
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