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Old 09-25-2012, 11:45 AM
 
Location: Wonderland
67,652 posts, read 60,572,966 times
Reputation: 101051

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Idon'tdateyou View Post
I am feeling bad about this this morning. I forgot I still have one of my free profiles and got contacted. The men who contacted me were UGLY. I realize beauty is skin deep and all that but these guys are repulsive to me. I am not looking for George Clooney but these guys are more like George from Seinfeld (and he would be one of the better looking guys who contacted me).

It is affecting my self esteem. I am decent looking, at least I thought so, but then why am I having the ugliest men contact me? I'm talking super obese, guys with beady eyes, no teeth, mullets, etc. The average looking guys ignore me like the best looking. I get it, the best looking men are seeking much younger women because they are hot. This stinks but I accepted this. However the average men avoid me too.

There is a guy I am interested in but he's definitely on the ugly side too. I like him because he's nice but not someone I would have considered years ago. However he's definitely better looking than these guys.

I know this makes me sound superficial but I can't date a man I find repulsive and that's all I find on these sites.
All I can tell you is that wasn't my experience. What I mean is that yes, unattractive men contacted me - and I even tried going out with one because he was such a nice guy - but I couldn't keep dating him because frankly, he did repulse me physically. I mean, dang - fix your teeth, dude! You're an Air Force officer - it's not like you can't afford it!

But I digress. What I found out in the case of my husband is that he looks MUCH BETTER than his profile picture. Yes, it's true. Apparently men don't sometimes have the best judgment about what photo to put up - or maybe even (and I suspect this is the case with my husband) they put up one that is intentionally unclear because they don't want to be TARGETED for their looks. My husband is EXTREMELY handsome - in fact, so much so that I was actually intimidated a bit by his looks on our first date (a rare feeling of insecurity for me - it was unsettling!).

My point is - unless it is painfully obvious that you would be repulsed by a guy, don't necessarily read too much into their photo, especially if it's unclear. Was I USUALLY pleasantly surprised by someone's looks? Frankly - no. But I was the one time it counted!

Keep the faith, sister!

And I don't think you're being superficial. Not always, but sometimes looks are a reflection of a person's values. Like, for example, the AF fighter pilot I went out with - once. WHY didn't he fix his ridiculous teeth, which took so much away from his looks? I have no idea, but I could not imagine kissing that mouth. I place a lot of importance on dental health and hygiene so it was just not ever going to work in my life.

Same with weight. I tried going out with the nicest man, who was also quite a bit overweight. I felt really bad about it, but I just couldn't keep dating him. And I noticed - I don't care what his excuses were, the man simply overate. No deal.

I also ruled out men who are shorter than me. I am tall, and I simply don't like towering over the man in my life. I've tried it, and I don't like it. I like wearing heels too, so there. It's just the dang truth.

Don't try to fit a square peg in a round hole!
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Old 09-25-2012, 11:50 AM
 
Location: On the corner of Grey Street
6,126 posts, read 10,088,952 times
Reputation: 11796
Quote:
Originally Posted by Idon'tdateyou View Post
I am feeling bad about this this morning. I forgot I still have one of my free profiles and got contacted. The men who contacted me were UGLY. I realize beauty is skin deep and all that but these guys are repulsive to me. I am not looking for George Clooney but these guys are more like George from Seinfeld (and he would be one of the better looking guys who contacted me).

It is affecting my self esteem. I am decent looking, at least I thought so, but then why am I having the ugliest men contact me? I'm talking super obese, guys with beady eyes, no teeth, mullets, etc. The average looking guys ignore me like the best looking. I get it, the best looking men are seeking much younger women because they are hot. This stinks but I accepted this. However the average men avoid me too.

There is a guy I am interested in but he's definitely on the ugly side too. I like him because he's nice but not someone I would have considered years ago. However he's definitely better looking than these guys.

I know this makes me sound superficial but I can't date a man I find repulsive and that's all I find on these sites.
Nah...I don't think you're shallow. I kind of feel the same way sometimes and I'm sure I'll get blasted by saying this but yeah, sometimes I get contacted by men that there is no way I would ever go out with them. We just aren't really in the same league (yep totally said it haha), or guys that have kids or guys that are way too old for me...just part of it. I've tried e-mailing a few guys first in the last couple days and none of them have replied. It's hard not to take it personally or think omg what's wrong with me that these guys aren't replying but who knows why. According to CD guys women e-mailing guys first is a rarity, so I thought guys would be happy to see the woman make the first move...maybe not. My experience with online dating has been feast or famine. I have a lot of interest, or nothing. Remember, again don't take anything that happens online personally. I've been flaked on so many times I almost have zero expectations at this point.
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Old 09-25-2012, 12:17 PM
 
10,029 posts, read 10,875,114 times
Reputation: 5946
Quote:
Originally Posted by KathrynAragon View Post
All I can tell you is that wasn't my experience. What I mean is that yes, unattractive men contacted me - and I even tried going out with one because he was such a nice guy - but I couldn't keep dating him because frankly, he did repulse me physically. I mean, dang - fix your teeth, dude! You're an Air Force officer - it's not like you can't afford it!

But I digress. What I found out in the case of my husband is that he looks MUCH BETTER than his profile picture. Yes, it's true. Apparently men don't sometimes have the best judgment about what photo to put up - or maybe even (and I suspect this is the case with my husband) they put up one that is intentionally unclear because they don't want to be TARGETED for their looks. My husband is EXTREMELY handsome - in fact, so much so that I was actually intimidated a bit by his looks on our first date (a rare feeling of insecurity for me - it was unsettling!).

My point is - unless it is painfully obvious that you would be repulsed by a guy, don't necessarily read too much into their photo, especially if it's unclear. Was I USUALLY pleasantly surprised by someone's looks? Frankly - no. But I was the one time it counted!

Keep the faith, sister!

And I don't think you're being superficial. Not always, but sometimes looks are a reflection of a person's values. Like, for example, the AF fighter pilot I went out with - once. WHY didn't he fix his ridiculous teeth, which took so much away from his looks? I have no idea, but I could not imagine kissing that mouth. I place a lot of importance on dental health and hygiene so it was just not ever going to work in my life.

Same with weight. I tried going out with the nicest man, who was also quite a bit overweight. I felt really bad about it, but I just couldn't keep dating him. And I noticed - I don't care what his excuses were, the man simply overate. No deal.

I also ruled out men who are shorter than me. I am tall, and I simply don't like towering over the man in my life. I've tried it, and I don't like it. I like wearing heels too, so there. It's just the dang truth.

Don't try to fit a square peg in a round hole!
I suspect a few look better in real life, but some are so repulsive that I wonder how much better they could look offline. I agree with you about looks being a reflection and I find men who are slobs, bad teeth are men who don't value their looks or even much else and they are guys I would never date because of poor hygiene. That Air Force officer you mentioned could definitely have gotten his teeth fixed but chose not to.
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Old 09-25-2012, 12:20 PM
 
10,029 posts, read 10,875,114 times
Reputation: 5946
Quote:
Originally Posted by strawberrykiki View Post
Nah...I don't think you're shallow. I kind of feel the same way sometimes and I'm sure I'll get blasted by saying this but yeah, sometimes I get contacted by men that there is no way I would ever go out with them. We just aren't really in the same league (yep totally said it haha), or guys that have kids or guys that are way too old for me...just part of it. I've tried e-mailing a few guys first in the last couple days and none of them have replied. It's hard not to take it personally or think omg what's wrong with me that these guys aren't replying but who knows why. According to CD guys women e-mailing guys first is a rarity, so I thought guys would be happy to see the woman make the first move...maybe not. My experience with online dating has been feast or famine. I have a lot of interest, or nothing. Remember, again don't take anything that happens online personally. I've been flaked on so many times I almost have zero expectations at this point.
I get a lot of email from these sites (or did)but yep most were not what I wanted, like much older (I had guys older than my dad contact me)or men with kids, especially guys with multiple baby mamas (yuck!). I contacted a man who lived about a half hour from me who had what I wanted in a man (we even worked in the same field at one time)and he deleted the message a day later. This guy was average, not handsome but I contacted him because of his profile.
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Old 09-25-2012, 12:28 PM
 
1,266 posts, read 1,604,480 times
Reputation: 334
so i guess online dating is hopeless for the average looking male, i would say males have to be in the top 10 percent of attractiveness in order to be sucessfull with online dating, meanwhile women can be in the top 50 percent and still attract men
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Old 09-25-2012, 12:44 PM
 
10,029 posts, read 10,875,114 times
Reputation: 5946
Quote:
Originally Posted by WantToHaveALife View Post
so i guess online dating is hopeless for the average looking male, i would say males have to be in the top 10 percent of attractiveness in order to be sucessfull with online dating, meanwhile women can be in the top 50 percent and still attract men
But that's not true. I have contacted average looking men and got rejected. The good looking men (to be honest the ones all of us want)bypass me because they can and so do the average men. I am attractive (or used to be)yet I seem to only attract the very ugly.
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Old 09-25-2012, 03:10 PM
 
1,266 posts, read 1,604,480 times
Reputation: 334
Quote:
Originally Posted by Idon'tdateyou View Post
But that's not true. I have contacted average looking men and got rejected. The good looking men (to be honest the ones all of us want)bypass me because they can and so do the average men. I am attractive (or used to be)yet I seem to only attract the very ugly.
yeah i guess it varies
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Old 09-25-2012, 03:28 PM
 
2,758 posts, read 4,949,850 times
Reputation: 3014
Quote:
Originally Posted by WantToHaveALife View Post
so i guess online dating is hopeless for the average looking male, i would say males have to be in the top 10 percent of attractiveness in order to be sucessfull with online dating, meanwhile women can be in the top 50 percent and still attract men
I agree with this statement completely.
I contact so many women. From Very attractive to average.

I very seldom get responces, like 1 response out of 100ish.
And I'm not a bum.
I remember the first woman I met in person from online said, and I quote "Wow, you are much better looking in person." It was like the 2nd or 3rd sentence she said upon meetin her. She was attractive, but by no means gorgeous.
That comment was kinda hard to get over. The date continued on, and we spent about 4-5 hours hanging out, and talkin a lot, but it was just one date.

From what I have heard about online dating, many people SERIAL date like CRAZY. And it seems like not many people are taking it seriously. A date means almost nothing anymore. It's more like an interview.

I have 2 guy friends that get dates ALL the time from online. And they meet many gf's from online. These two guys have have probably dated more women from online than 10-20 of average guys combined.
It is insane, and not an exaggeration.
And I have known average looking women date 50 different guys in one year. literally.

I truely believe online datin is ruining datin. But that is just IMO.
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Old 09-25-2012, 03:40 PM
 
1,266 posts, read 1,604,480 times
Reputation: 334
Quote:
Originally Posted by AverageGuy2006 View Post
I agree with this statement completely.
I contact so many women. From Very attractive to average.

I very seldom get responces, like 1 response out of 100ish.
And I'm not a bum.
I remember the first woman I met in person from online said, and I quote "Wow, you are much better looking in person." It was like the 2nd or 3rd sentence she said upon meetin her. She was attractive, but by no means gorgeous.
That comment was kinda hard to get over. The date continued on, and we spent about 4-5 hours hanging out, and talkin a lot, but it was just one date.

From what I have heard about online dating, many people SERIAL date like CRAZY. And it seems like not many people are taking it seriously. A date means almost nothing anymore. It's more like an interview.

I have 2 guy friends that get dates ALL the time from online. And they meet many gf's from online. These two guys have have probably dated more women from online than 10-20 of average guys combined.
It is insane, and not an exaggeration.
And I have known average looking women date 50 different guys in one year. literally.

I truely believe online datin is ruining datin. But that is just IMO.
yeah c'mon, it's not like i'm solely just hitting on women that look like models or supermodels, i hit on average looking women too, okay, i'm not that shallow about looks, as in, this is how i am in terms of physical attraction towards women, a woman can be somewhat chubby, a little bit fat, like thick, but she has to have a cute, pretty face for that, or her face doesn't have to be the best looking, it can be average looking, but at least she has to have the good, right body
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Old 09-25-2012, 03:44 PM
 
Location: Wonderland
67,652 posts, read 60,572,966 times
Reputation: 101051
People try online dating for different reasons. I am an honest person, but also a skeptic. So is my husband, who I met online. We are also very picky about who we want to sleep with or spend the rest of our lives with (preferably that's the same person)! So yes, we did both date a lot of people online, and yes, to some extent some dates WERE like an interview, because both parties knew up front that we were meeting hoping to find that elusive needle in a haystack. In other words, neither of us made any bones about our intention - we were out to find a spouse. Period. No friends with benefits. No "friends" period - we both already had plenty of friends. We were looking for life mates.

I think that's why we had success. We cut our losses when we saw something in a potential partner that we just were not going to deal with - or when we realised that there just wasn't a spark there, no matter how nice the person was. We moved on.

It was a very efficient dating system for both of us! And it worked!
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