Online dating SUCKS! (girl, single, younger, call)

[stepka]

Oh yeah, and I just met someone pretty cool OL and we've had 3 awesome dates and I'll be going to visit him at his house next weekend and he's coming here the weekend after that. He's 2-1/2 hours away and I'll never puzzle again about whether a man is "into" me. The signs are pretty unmistakable.

[branh0913]

Originally Posted by RomaniGypsy

snip

I'm not going to respond point by point. I'm not putting myself down. I just know that in many cases a woman online is looking for the guy who just everything going for himself. I can't say that I do. I have a decent job, I have a relaxed and chill personality, I'm very business minded, and I'm a good conversationalist. Maybe my writing could be better, but my great qualities is just something a woman is going to have to experience if they choose to get to know me. To me the online dating world is too built around filters, "red flags", and "warning signs" for a simple guy like myself. I can't say I've never made a mistake or an irresponsible decision, or have never had bad judgement. I have. I can't say I don't have some personality quirks that may be off putting, because I do. I can't walk around holding my breath trying my best not to let my bad qualities seep out. If someone is going to like me, it can't because they think I'm a perfect man or the catch of the century. If you aren't willing to present yourself as anything but the most versatile, well spoken, best dressed, money making career minded man on dating sites, you lose. And I can tell you, I'm just not that. I'm always and forever will be a work in progress. I'm a very average guy, and really that should be the expectation of a woman who really wants to get to know me. I don't need to wow anyone, because I think my positive traits outweigh my bad. But I'm not going to sit here and pretend I don't have any negative ones.

When it comes to a woman, I know women are going to have quirks too. I don't expect a woman to be a perfect little angle. The sooner I get comfortable with someone, the sooner my positive traits come out. I can't get comfortable living any sort of lie, or inflating myself up to a standard I am not willing to live up to, or pretend to live up to. Maybe my approach is 1 step forward and 2 steps back, but I really can't be bothered to spend that type of energy trying to impress a woman. IF she's going to be impressed by me, it's going to be due to my natural charm, and nothing else.

[stepka]

Originally Posted by branh0913

I'm not going to respond point by point. I'm not putting myself down. I just know that in many cases a woman online is looking for the guy who just everything going for himself. I can't say that I do. I have a decent job, I have a relaxed and chill personality, I'm very business minded, and I'm a good conversationalist. Maybe my writing could be better, but my great qualities is just something a woman is going to have to experience if they choose to get to know me. To me the online dating world is too built around filters, "red flags", and "warning signs" for a simple guy like myself. I can't say I've never made a mistake or an irresponsible decision, or have never had bad judgement. I have. I can't say I don't have some personality quirks that may be off putting, because I do. I can't walk around holding my breath trying my best not to let my bad qualities seep out. If someone is going to like me, it can't because they think I'm a perfect man or the catch of the century. If you aren't willing to present yourself as anything but the most versatile, well spoken, best dressed, money making career minded man on dating sites, you lose. And I can tell you, I'm just not that. I'm always and forever will be a work in progress. I'm a very average guy, and really that should be the expectation of a woman who really wants to get to know me. I don't need to wow anyone, because I think my positive traits outweigh my bad. But I'm not going to sit here and pretend I don't have any negative ones.

When it comes to a woman, I know women are going to have quirks too. I don't expect a woman to be a perfect little angle. The sooner I get comfortable with someone, the sooner my positive traits come out. I can't get comfortable living any sort of lie, or inflating myself up to a standard I am not willing to live up to, or pretend to live up to. Maybe my approach is 1 step forward and 2 steps back, but I really can't be bothered to spend that type of energy trying to impress a woman. IF she's going to be impressed by me, it's going to be due to my natural charm, and nothing else.

You know Bran, that was very well written and sincere and I think that if anything, you should be just as sincere and upfront about yourself in your profile and for a couple of reasons. 1. Think of your profile as "bait" for the right person even if you're eccentric. You may not get as many contacts but the ones who do will be more to your tastes. A generic profile will attract more replies maybe but there will be more misses. 2. In the same vein, folks get so tired of reading the same old, same old, that something different might just stand out. I think you should lay yourself out there on the free sites and don't sweat it if you don't make a connection for months because all you need is one good one and there are real people on these sites--we're all proof of that, but they are hard to find b/c every last person (almost) writes the exact same stuff. Not all women are looking for a wealthy man and not all men have a motorcycle, though it must surely seem that way sometimes. And just remember that all those people in the OL world are no more perfect than you are, and quite a few are probably less so.

[NWGirl74]

Originally Posted by stepka

You know Bran, that was very well written and sincere and I think that if anything, you should be just as sincere and upfront about yourself in your profile and for a couple of reasons. 1. Think of your profile as "bait" for the right person even if you're eccentric. You may not get as many contacts but the ones who do will be more to your tastes. A generic profile will attract more replies maybe but there will be more misses. 2. In the same vein, folks get so tired of reading the same old, same old, that something different might just stand out. I think you should lay yourself out there on the free sites and don't sweat it if you don't make a connection for months because all you need is one good one and there are real people on these sites--we're all proof of that, but they are hard to find b/c every last person (almost) writes the exact same stuff. Not all women are looking for a wealthy man and not all men have a motorcycle, though it must surely seem that way sometimes. And just remember that all those people in the OL world are no more perfect than you are, and quite a few are probably less so.

I agree with this. And, Bran, to answer your earlier question, I'm not in Seattle. I'm in Portland.

[Elle Oh Elle]

Originally Posted by RomaniGypsy

That's because

This post is too long. Good for self-esteem regardless.

[RomaniGypsy]

Originally Posted by Elle Oh Elle

This post is too long. Good for self-esteem regardless.

Some of us just have a lot to say. I'd rather be verbose and complete than succinct and incomplete.

Originally Posted by branh0913

I'm not going to respond point by point. I'm not putting myself down.

You may not think you are. To you, you're being as honest as you can be. I'm suggesting that you change your perspective... because women will think you're putting yourself down if you say that you're only average and you have some flaws. SELL YOURSELF! You don't have to be dishonest to sell yourself. Again, years of experience proved that for me.

Originally Posted by branh0913

I just know that in many cases a woman online is looking for the guy who just everything going for himself. I can't say that I do.

Sure you can. It all depends upon your definition of "everything", Mr. Clinton.

Originally Posted by branh0913

I have a decent job, I have a relaxed and chill personality, I'm very business minded, and I'm a good conversationalist.

Maybe that's "everything" in the mind of she who will be the perfect woman for you!

Originally Posted by branh0913

Maybe my writing could be better, but my great qualities is just something a woman is going to have to experience if they choose to get to know me.

I agree, but you have to make yourself look like a really good catch in order to get someone to take that next step. People go online because they want to have a good and fast way to wade through all of the people who AREN'T good matches in order to find the ones who MIGHT BE good matches. If you don't even make the "might be" list, you're going to find yourself getting the results you've claimed... very few responses. I know that I never would have responded to a woman who said she was "average". Who among us wants "average"? We ALL want someone amazing! Of course, since "amazing" carries different definitions for each person, that means we all have a good chance of finding such a person.

Originally Posted by branh0913

To me the online dating world is too built around filters, "red flags", and "warning signs" for a simple guy like myself.

That's by design. Who would go online if not out of necessity, to speed up the process of finding a good potential match. If you're red-flagged by someone, at least you BOTH know that that match isn't a good match. When a woman says you're not for her, at least you should know that she is not for you.

Originally Posted by branh0913

I can't say I've never made a mistake or an irresponsible decision, or have never had bad judgement. I have.

Some women would find that refreshing... because they've all made bad decisions at times too.

Originally Posted by branh0913

I can't say I don't have some personality quirks that may be off putting, because I do.

Off-putting to some people... but they'll be charming, attractive, etc. to the RIGHT woman.

Originally Posted by branh0913

I can't walk around holding my breath trying my best not to let my bad qualities seep out.

What's a bad quality?

There IS no such thing!!

For example. I'm fat. Not extremely fat... I'd say, in order to look "buff", I'd have to drop around 30-35 pounds... but I don't have the kind of body that many women would ogle if I went to the beach. However, my wife thinks I'm really hot just the way I am... and I know this because I lost a bunch of weight around the beginning of the year and the more weight I dropped, the more comments she made about how I was "getting skinny" and how there "wasn't as much of me for her to grab onto", etc... I didn't need someone to spell it out for me that she was telling me I was getting too thin for her liking. So, I may be too fat for most women... but I'm exactly what my wife wants to look at. Most women would consider my weight a "bad quality" and would want me to work out more so I would drop the excess pounds. My wife wants me to KEEP the excess pounds... to her, they are a "good quality".

I don't know you, but I can say that I wish you'd stop the talk about bad qualities. Nobody has a truly bad personality quality. Even universally nasty things such as smoking might be seen as good qualities by some. (I saw a guy's personal ad once where he stated that he wanted a woman who was a "cigar aficionada". Now, most guys, if they saw a woman smoking a big fat cigar, would think it was really disgusting. He would've thought it was great. To each his own.)

Originally Posted by branh0913

If someone is going to like me, it can't because they think I'm a perfect man or the catch of the century.

Why not?

"Perfect" is a relative term when talking about interpersonal relationships. As you are right now, you're perfect for she who is the right woman for you. Therefore, to rip on yourself as having imperfections... THAT will be off-putting to the right woman. Play the hand you're dealt. Remember, in the words of the Gambler: "Every hand's a winner, and every hand's a loser."

Originally Posted by branh0913

If you aren't willing to present yourself as anything but the most versatile, well spoken, best dressed, money making career minded man on dating sites, you lose.

Only if you're chasing shallow, ditzy, socialite types. And who wants them anyway?

Originally Posted by branh0913

And I can tell you, I'm just not that.

Which would be a very good thing to most women. They may think they want that all-American superhuman man, but then they realize that it ain't all it's cracked up to be when they're with such a guy... because to be versatile, you must always work or learn... if you're well-spoken, you may make the woman look dumb... if you're the best dressed, you constantly have to spend money on your clothes and worry about how they're kept... if you make a lot of money, you usually have to work long hours and be away from home a lot... and if you're more career-minded than family-minded, she ain't gonna get those kids she wants.

Often, "having" is much less appealing than "wanting". Haven't we all experienced that with SOMETHING in our lives, even if not necessarily a love interest?

Originally Posted by branh0913

I'm always and forever will be a work in progress.

We all are. Such is the human condition.

Originally Posted by branh0913

I'm a very average guy, and really that should be the expectation of a woman who really wants to get to know me.

There's where you're wrong. NONE of us is "average". Each and every one of us was made perfectly, exactly as God intended to make us. We're all different, and that's by design... therefore, there is no such thing as "average". There is what we THINK is average... but since our intelligence is infinitesimal compared to the intelligence of God, it's not always easy for us to comprehend that there is no such thing as an average person. There are extraordinary people who act like they're not so great... that might be average... but there are no average people.

Originally Posted by branh0913

I don't need to wow anyone, because I think my positive traits outweigh my bad. But I'm not going to sit here and pretend I don't have any negative ones.

DM me if you want. Tell me what you think are your negative traits. I promise you, I could show you how they're positive. I haven't failed yet.

Originally Posted by branh0913

When it comes to a woman, I know women are going to have quirks too. I don't expect a woman to be a perfect little angle. The sooner I get comfortable with someone, the sooner my positive traits come out. I can't get comfortable living any sort of lie, or inflating myself up to a standard I am not willing to live up to, or pretend to live up to. Maybe my approach is 1 step forward and 2 steps back, but I really can't be bothered to spend that type of energy trying to impress a woman. IF she's going to be impressed by me, it's going to be due to my natural charm, and nothing else.

The right woman for you won't have any "quirks" that you find to be anything less than cute and charming.

[WantToHaveALife]

yeah especially since another girl lead me on

[RomaniGypsy]

Originally Posted by WantToHaveALife

yeah especially since another girl lead me on

Oh, I had that happen. I was infatuated with a girl online who told me she was 20 and then a friend of hers got online and told me that she was actually only 13. I was 18 at the time. I felt like a moron. We didn't talk sexually at all, nor did we even come close to meeting... but I was quite smitten with at least the idea of her even though I hadn't seen any pictures. Yeah, I was once young and stupid.

Then, also at age 18, I started pursuing a girl online who told me she was 16... it turned out she was only 14 and had told me a bunch of other lies as well. Again, we didn't talk sexually and I found out the truth when we met in person. (Soon thereafter, I started dating her older sister. Talk about revenge in an unexpected place!)

I guess I really was stupid at age 18.

After that, I didn't have any other online mishaps. I met girls from the Internet who lied to me a lot, but after those two incidents, I'd say every girl I met online turned out to be pretty much what she told me she was, without any lies of gargantuan proportions having been told.

So if you're being led on, it's possible that you're the dummy. I know that was the case with me. You have to make sure that you're not the dummy. Due diligence, my friend. If the facts don't add up, the "girl" is a phony.

[Elle Oh Elle]

Originally Posted by RomaniGypsy

Oh, I had that happen. I was infatuated with a girl online who told me she was 20 and then a friend of hers got online and told me that she was actually only 13. I was 18 at the time. I felt like a moron. We didn't talk sexually at all, nor did we even come close to meeting... but I was quite smitten with at least the idea of her even though I hadn't seen any pictures. Yeah, I was once young and stupid.

Sounds like me. When the internet was much newer and first started gaining popularity, I signed up to a blog site even though I was still two years behind the legal age limit of 13; so far I was just 11. I met one guy who happened to actually be 13 already, and we began a friendship. He confessed to liking me romantically. Didn't work out, he lived way too far away (Sydney vs. Los Angeles).

[RomaniGypsy]

Originally Posted by Elle Oh Elle

Sounds like me. When the internet was much newer and first started gaining popularity, I signed up to a blog site even though I was still two years behind the legal age limit of 13; so far I was just 11. I met one guy who happened to actually be 13 already, and we began a friendship. He confessed to liking me romantically. Didn't work out, he lived way too far away (Sydney vs. Los Angeles).

Yeah, but it seems he told you that he was 13. This girl first told me she was 20, then it was "Sorry, I lied to you. I'm really only 16. I was just experimenting to see what people would say." I thought that was okay, as long as she came clean... after all, I was 18, so there's nothing wrong with an 18-year-old being romantically involved with a 16-year-old. When I found out she was only 13, that was quite nasty.

I learned my lesson, for sure. It became easier the older I got, too. Once I had my own car, and once I started pursuing women who had their own independent transportation too, the playing field was leveled out to an extent. I still hold that online dating is awesome if you handle it correctly... but that's the big key... handling it correctly. It has to be used as a platform to find a spouse, not a platform to find a one night stand or the "right-now" person. When you're not looking for a spouse, people can very easily take advantage of you because they know they're likely to get what they want without having to have many strings attached. I never had anyone try to proposition me for sex online... because I didn't come off as being that kind of person.