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Do you think that some people pull back from relationships because the intensity or potential for intensity “scares” them? I’ve seen this used as an excuse in books, tv and movies, but I find it hard to believe in real life. I mean, would you really pull out of a relationship simply because of the fear of feeling too much? To me, it kind of sounds bizarre – like manufactured drama.
Thoughts, C-D folk?
Yes. It happened to me with my ex husband when we were first dating, he got scared and dumped me, but then he came back after a week or two and lots of thought.
Some people never get over it and come back though.
Yes. It happened to me with my ex husband when we were first dating, he got scared and dumped me, but then he came back after a week or two and lots of thought.
Some people never get over it and come back though.
^This. My husband pulled this twice. First time we were just dating for for about 4 months and about 2 weeks later he came back. The 2nd time we were dating over a year. That didn't last long either--close to a month. I can understand the first time since we dating for just a short time but the 2nd time threw me off. He wasn't sure if this was what he wanted and he was going through some other family matters. I gave him his space so he could figure out what he wanted. He came back.
Deep-seated fear of abandonment can make people do that. Kind of like fear of success or fear of failure at a job.
Interesting - my myriad fears have never been about abandonment, so I guess I wouldn't get the concept. I understand fears of failure and other things quite well, but abandonment isn't anything I've ever had to face or been threatened with.
Deep-seated fear of abandonment can make people do that. Kind of like fear of success or fear of failure at a job.
I agree.
Quote:
Originally Posted by bellakin123
^This. My husband pulled this twice. First time we were just dating for for about 4 months and about 2 weeks later he came back. The 2nd time we were dating over a year. That didn't last long either--close to a month. I can understand the first time since we dating for just a short time but the 2nd time threw me off. He wasn't sure if this was what he wanted and he was going through some other family matters. I gave him his space so he could figure out what he wanted. He came back.
Oh man. The first time was super hard, I think a second time would have did me in.
I can "fall in love" quite easily, but there is a point when I feel it coming over me when I can decide to pull away...usually when common sense kicks in.
I backed away a couple of times as a single mother because I never wanted my kids to have any uncles. I dated someone I could easily have totally fallen for but kept a lid on it because of my children.
That turned out to be one of the best relationships I've ever had, even ended well.
Now my kids are grown and gone, I've had a couple where I could've "fallen" but something (usually something stupid they do or say) always stops me, and I move on.
Some people are happiest either alone, or at a comfortable arm's reach. I am one of them.
Oh man. The first time was super hard, I think a second time would have did me in.
The 2nd time was his last chance. He must have thought long and hard because several months after that he was the one who brought up marriage.
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