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Trying to keep things somewhat un-biased here, but I have been living in Colorado now about a year and a half going on 2 years.
I'm Black with some White ancestry. I am interested in an interracial relationship. I have been going thru some of the worst dips in dating I've experienced, and I'm 25. The issue is I am living in a state that I am finding it hard to meet people who want to have a relationship outside the 'masses'. For months I have continually met men who either just want to have sex and nothing more, or want to be friends and have nothing to do with me...and almost always I hear them cite my race. When I go out to the hotspots, the ratio of White/Hispanics to Blacks is like 50:1. It takes being a minority to a whole new level.
I am in the process of ending a 'friendship' with a White guy I have been 'seeing' for the past 5 months. He has been content to keep me in friend-zone, however stringing me along with the possibility of dating/sex in the future. He'd get jealous if seeing other guys so much as just talk to me, but all the while, he would continually flirt/kiss other White people...often times right in front of me. We've kissed, the whole town feels we're a couple, everywhere we go they always ask. But he's mentioned during drunken stupors that he couldn't date me because I'm Black. He's resorted to calling me the N word on several occasions out of anger. I even watch as we go out, people hit on him triple the amount of times they do me...and we're both attractive people. His only advantage is because he's White. As for me, I always have to do the approaching...often times my advances being turned down. Very few people actually approach me.
Recently he told me he's still having sex with 2 other people on the side, even though we see each other every weekend. He continually turns down advances for us to have sex. That was the last draw for me and I told him that if he's not willing to take it to the next level, we can't see each other anymore.
I'm just so tired of being overlooked here because I'm not White or Hispanic. On many occasions, I have made the first move, initiated contact, messaged or emailed men first...and they may answer, say I'm hot...but never want to go to that next level. Just this past weekend, a guy I've chatted to a couple times throughout the month...invited me to his gym with free passes, but then never committed to doing it. And it's repeatedly happened, where without any reason once so ever...they can't actually meet or take it to the next level.
I personally can't deal with it anymore. It won't be long before I have the finances in order to make the move, and I have to make that decision whether to stay or go...but part of me feels its silly to move someplace and start over just because I want a better dating life. But at the same time, it's been some 18 months living here and I'm still single...and nothing seems to be improving. It's the same men on the dating sites, when I go out it's the same song and dance. I've never felt so rejected and lonely for such an extended period of time in my life. Usually it lasts for 2-4 months and things get better, it's only gotten worse and this last relationship I've gotten involved in only added to the suffering.
I read most of the post. I can tell you that if you're searching for a relationship and are in an area where you're not finding them and suffering from it, it's probably in your best interest to look into relocating.
I live in probably one of the most awkward dating scenes, I can't even get a damn date. If I could move I'd have done so years ago and never looked back, and at least tried in a different area and maybe I'd be happier or at least content.
But if you're having thoughts of moving, do yourself a favor and do some researching into what you're looking for before you make the move.
I read most of the post. I can tell you that if you're searching for a relationship and are in an area where you're not finding them and suffering from it, it's probably in your best interest to look into relocating.
I live in probably one of the most awkward dating scenes, I can't even get a damn date. If I could move I'd have done so years ago and never looked back, and at least tried in a different area and maybe I'd be happier or at least content.
But if you're having thoughts of moving, do yourself a favor and do some researching into what you're looking for before you make the move.
I just keep telling myself I need to get out my comfort zone. Yes I am settled. Yes I dread packing up and moving again. Yes I like my place...
But at the same time...why am I going to continue being in a place where I feel like I'm in a theater and watching everyone else date, hookup, kiss, have relationships, etc while I settle for someone who has a ton of baggage and can't go to the next level?
I really want to be with this man, despite some of the horrid things he says and does...but he's 32 and doesn't seem to be changing. If it takes me walking out for good for him to change, It'd be too late.
I live in NY. This is fantastic advice. You will not have a problem dating there.
California is a good option too.
Captain Jack
When you say NY, are you referring only to NYC? And California, what areas? Those always seem to be the first options LOL (Not to criticize)...I just don't want to go and have to sacrafice living comforts and pay higher rents, because then that will be another issue.
It's sad though, because part of me feels so complacent with the situation that everytime I start to research where to move to, I tell myself things will get better...and I should just chill out and put more effort or wait for things to change. But it's almost like succumbing to misery and like I'll be stuck in this rut the rest of my life.
A man turning down sex? Poppycock. What the hell kind of town is this that your race has been cited more than once? Even in Colorado this shouldn't be an issue. You ever put it out there that you could just have some sex, no relationship?
And anyway who even cares about your race in terms of dating? Dude where the hell do you live?
First off, please don't settle for the racist white guy who is sleeping with other girls on the side. Please don't. It's not worth it. Moving might help, but not bet on it.
To give you some tips. Try to look cute and not sexy. My personal feeling is that guys who want a proper relationship and not just sex is into cute girls. I think you will improve your chances even more if you get interested in some nerdy topic like games.
Many gamer guys are easy to get, and they are quite nice. Also, just because they are into games do not mean they are boring.
A man turning down sex? Poppycock. What the hell kind of town is this that your race has been cited more than once? Even in Colorado this shouldn't be an issue. You ever put it out there that you could just have some sex, no relationship?
And anyway who even cares about your race in terms of dating? Dude where the hell do you live?
Come over here NY/NJ where we're normal
Yes...sleeping right next to me every weekend in my bed but not having sex. Cuddling? Yes. Half-naked/Naked? Yes. But when it comes down to sex...even the manual kind, he'd always push my hand away or tell me that if we had sex one of our feelings would change, etc. Yet he loves me and cares about me and wants to be with me every weekend?
Yes in Colorado it IS an issue. On a normal day at my local gym in West Denver, I'll be the only 1 or 2 Black persons there. 99% of the time I'm the only one. It doesn't make me feel uncomfortable by any means...but it makes sense why someone who is Black living here can have such a hard time meeting someone to date...there's not enough of us here for someone to go out their way to date us, when they have people of their own race going after them left and right.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Camlon
First off, please don't settle for the racist white guy who is sleeping with other girls on the side. Please don't. It's not worth it. Moving might help, but not bet on it.
To give you some tips. Try to look cute and not sexy. My personal feeling is that guys who want a proper relationship and not just sex is into cute girls. I think you will improve your chances even more if you get interested in some nerdy topic like games.
Many gamer guys are easy to get, and they are quite nice. Also, just because they are into games do not mean they are boring.
Thanks. I feel it's not worth it...but he keeps on coming back to make things better. But what's stopping me from taking him back this time is the simple fact of him telling me these things, and then not making any compromise to meet my needs. gamers?...tell me about games LOL.
I always try to look cute and sexy when I go out. That's the issue. Albeit me being cute and sexy and confident, it hasn't been enough here. Everything I've done to improve, change and work on myself has made minimal progress here for the simple fact that being Black is an issue for me here.
Living here and being in the dating scene makes me feel like in grade school growing up, seeing the Indian kids who were ACTUALLY from India...the smallest minority of them all. I feel like them many times.
And anyway who even cares about your race in terms of dating? Dude where the hell do you live?
Of course race matters. Everyone have their preference and mostly date girls of one particular race.
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