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I do not see this hypothetical happening. If things are pretty good with no major problems, the husband is not bound to just up and leave. There must be a bigger issue.
Well that was kind of my point in asking. If things were going along rather normally and he walked in and said he was leaving me. I'd be stunned.
Or did you mean to say cheat in the bolded, not leave?
I think it matters. If this person is remorseful and truly felt they made a mistake and they want to work on things, but is leaving out of fear of their spouses reactions, that's not really fair to their partner. Their partner may want them to stay so they can at least try to work things out and exhaust all their efforts. If the cheating spouse runs, they will never have the opportunity to at least try.
Now if they are leaving because they truly know they do not want to be married and cheating was the symptom of that, they are not remorseful and don't want to fix things at home then that's a completely different situation.
It would only matter in the sense that the person being cheated on should know what went wrong for their own future. Otherwise the clarity that the cheater is not ready for monogamy is still there. Even if both parties want to work it out, the pain and memory of the event will never completely fade. Both will look at each other differently and one day in the future in the heat of an argument (which all relationships have) someone will bring it up and the pain will be reignited.
If I cheated on my wife, I would rather leave than watch the enormous love she has for me diminish even a little. She would never look at me the same again and my heart would break everytime I look into her eyes and see the doubt I placed into her heart. I'd rather hurt her alot now and let her move on than hurt her a little for years and years until one of us can't take it anymore.
Well that was kind of my point in asking. If things were going along rather normally and he walked in and said he was leaving me. I'd be stunned.
Or did you mean to say cheat in the bolded, not leave?
Said what I meant. I just do not see the situation happening. If it did, sure it would be a shocker.
I suppose, if you thought all was well, and he was miserable, and you did not know, there would be a big communication issue in the relationship. That alone can breed problems, mistrust, etc. It wouldn't take someone cheating for that (although cheating could be something that happened after the bond was weakened.)
I know people who've stayed after finding out, and, man, those people have some deep emotional scars, even when they received therapy and their spouse never cheated again. I would not want to be saddled with that form of emotional baggage. Ignorance is bliss.
I cannot imagine how I would deal with the knowledge my wife had cheated on me. I do not know what I would do. Whether I would want to salvage the relationship, or end it on that knowlege. If I wasn't married I am fairly certain I would just pull the plug on the relationship with no need to proceed with that baggage. Going through a divorce would be a bigger decision however. I would say I think it would be likely I would.
I would be more hurt of course if it was 2 years ago versus 20 years ago, given the age and maturity difference. I would hope a person in their 40's has more common sense and maturity than they did when they were in their teens and 20's.
However, like I said, one time event, never to happen again, No, I wouldn't want to know about it even if it was 2 years ago. Why would I want to know? So he can clear his conscience for good and I can live with the pain forever? No, I'd rather he live with the guilt forever and me not know.
This sounds a little cruel. Ofcourse he would completely deserve to live with the guilt but you seem a little to eager to let him suffer. Why not just end it and find someone you actually want happy?
This sounds a little cruel. Ofcourse he would completely deserve to live with the guilt but you seem a little to eager to let him suffer. Why not just end it and find someone you actually want happy?
This hasn't happened to me. This was a "hypothetical" question from the op.
I cannot imagine how I would deal with the knowledge my wife had cheated on me. I do not know what I would do. Whether I would want to salvage the relationship, or end it on that knowlege. If I wasn't married I am fairly certain I would just pull the plug on the relationship with no need to proceed with that baggage. Going through a divorce would be a bigger decision however. I would say I think it would be likely I would.
This hasn't happened to me. This was a "hypothetical" question from the op.
I understand. I meant it in that way also. You said you would rather he suffer in his guilt and I said if that was the case then why not just leave and find someone you want happy? You would surely notice his anguish and wonder why. This is ofcourse assuming he even feels guilty. If not then you'd have a bigger problem. Either way if you know then you can make the choice whether or not you want to take on the problems for a man who feels cheating was actually an option.
I understand. I meant it in that way also. You said you would rather he suffer in his guilt and I said if that was the case then why not just leave and find someone you want happy? You would surely notice his anguish and wonder why. This is ofcourse assuming he even feels guilty. If not then you'd have a bigger problem. Either way if you know then you can make the choice whether or not you want to take on the problems for a man who feels cheating was actually an option.
Well if that happened (which I wouldn't know about), I would hope that my husband could eventually forgive himself and put it behind him.
If there is a woman out there who is a better mother, wife and lover than me, I wouldn't blame him one bit for cheating, but I'm pretty sure that's not going to happen.
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