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A lot of women live with their boyfriend or fiance for years thinking one day he will marry them. What often happens is that the guy just have these women on standby until he finds the woman he truly wants. He dumps his longtime woman, and marries the woman that he has never lived with,usually within just months of meeting her. The other issue is the out of wedlock birthrate that has exploded because of all of this living together without marriage. When women stop accepting low standards, the men will stop behaving with such low standards.
A lot of women live with their boyfriend or fiance for years thinking one day he will marry them. What often happens is that the guy just have these women on standby until he finds the woman he truly wants. He dumps his longtime woman, and marries the woman that he has never lived with,usually within just months of meeting her. The other issue is the out of wedlock birthrate that has exploded because of all of this living together without marriage. When women stop accepting low standards, the men will stop behaving with such low standards.
Agreed. I see all these women (mostly younger but some older)who believe that if they live with him he will marry her. Sometimes she even has his babies and guess what? he doesn't. When I adopted my no living together and no sex before marriage I was afraid it would hurt me. In fact it has helped me find better men who don't have the issues the other men I date had.
It's kinda a weird thing to be "proud" of. You are proud that your son chose to sometimes sleep at his home and sometimes sleep at his girlfriend's home? You are proud that they kept clothes at one another's home and proud that he had her tampons in his bathroom? You are proud they spent money supporting two households?
You must have set the bar pretty low for pride, imo...
If this is directed towards me, you are making assumptions that are not true. Our son lives with us to save money (he is a senior in college) and his fiancee' lives with her parents and will also be graduating next year. They don't sleep at each others' homes, and it is presumptive of you to assume that they do, just because, apparently, "everyone's doing it".
And yes, I am proud of him for having the moral conviction to respect his fiancee' and the institution of marriage. It's easy to follow the crowd and throw away time honored values, not so easy to resist doing so.
I am hearing a lot about being judgmental, yet I am being raked over the coals for my opinion and value system. Once again, it seems to be the people who scream for tolerance the loudest who are the least tolerant.
Thanks for your replies, I found most of them very sad and discouraging, although there are a few who posted here that have been there, done that, got burned and know better. Too bad people won't at least listen to what they have to say, but to each their own. I asked a question, I wish I wouldn't have, and at this point I plan to let this thread sink like a stone to the bottom of the page.
If this is directed towards me, you are making assumptions that are not true. Our son lives with us to save money (he is a senior in college) and his fiancee' lives with her parents and will also be graduating next year. They don't sleep at each others' homes, and it is presumptive of you to assume that they do, just because, apparently, "everyone's doing it".
And yes, I am proud of him for having the moral conviction to respect his fiancee' and the institution of marriage. It's easy to follow the crowd and throw away time honored values, not so easy to resist doing so.
I am hearing a lot about being judgmental, yet I am being raked over the coals for my opinion and value system. Once again, it seems to be the people who scream for tolerance the loudest who are the least tolerant.
Thanks for your replies, I found most of them very sad and discouraging, although there are a few who posted here that have been there, done that, got burned and know better. Too bad people won't at least listen to what they have to say, but to each their own. I asked a question, I wish I wouldn't have, and at this point I plan to let this thread sink like a stone to the bottom of the page.
Umm... they are still in college? That's totally different. First of all - that's really young to be getting married compared to most people today. Secondly, most people that get married right out of college have not lived together. Whole different ball game. I'm not passing any judgement - just observations. Most of my friends got married in their late 20's/early 30's. We had been out of school for a number of years. We were already adults. It's very different than getting married right out of school. It's also a different ballgame when both kids still live with their parents before getting married.
I feel like you think there is a right answer. There isn't. There are only answers that are best for each individual. Your child is doing what he thinks is best for him. I did what was best for me.
Not living with someone before marrying them (which is supposed to be a lifelong commitment, right?) is a terrible idea. That's like buying a car without test driving it first. Before marriage, one needs to truly figure out if they are compatible with their mate since this is supposed to be the person they are going to be spending the rest of their life with.
Just because one enjoys dating someone does NOT mean they'll enjoy sharing the same living space with them 24/7 for decades.
Last edited by bicoastal10; 09-06-2012 at 05:47 PM..
Does Anyone NOT Live Together Before Marriage Anymore?
My brother and his wife did not live together. And he totally regrets it. He found out things about her that really highlighted MAJOR incompatibility issues that really, the more I think about it, would not have ever come up without them actually experiencing living together.
He says he will NEVER get married or advise anyone else to get married without living together first. I told him this is not statistically sound advice, but I mean, whatever.
You must be from the Bible Belt or something, OP. I know people that had kids at 14 and then got married to a different person at 18 and then had more babies after that. It's not really uncommon these days.
I don't really see an issue with living with another person before you're married. Even my parents lived together before they were married back in the mid-late 1980s.
When I was in college- not too long ago, I was born in the 80s- My best friend really wanted to get married while it was the furthest thing on my mind. She moved 3 different guys into her place during those four years. She did everything for these guys, cooked them dinner every night, washed their clothes and ironed them too. I thought it was a bit much for a college aged girl, but she seemed very eager to play house. Anyway, neither of these guys proposed to her, in fact all three of these guys cheated on her and she was devasted each time. During the same four years I had two boyfriends, neither of whom I lived with. Both proposed and our relationships soon ended after I did not accept their proposals- like I said I did not have marriage on the brain. However old fashioned it seems, imo- sometimes you do have to play hard to get. My best friend was the complete opposite- she put it all out on the table and even though I tried to give her advice, her want for a husband was just so strong she just went gaga whenever she got in a relationship. The worst part is two of those three guys got engaged mere MONTHS after. Like the poster a few posts above said, I really do feel like these men had her on standby until the women they really wanted came along
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