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Old 09-06-2012, 08:18 PM
 
3 posts, read 6,469 times
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Hey, is it just me or do you find it frustrating having difficulty communicating in your relationship while not wanting to go to a relationship counselor?

What do you guys do?
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Old 09-06-2012, 08:19 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,246 posts, read 94,671,934 times
Reputation: 40098
Quote:
Originally Posted by lsunshine View Post
Hey, is it just me or do you find it frustrating having difficulty communicating in your relationship while not wanting to go to a relationship counselor?

What do you guys do?
You have to learn to speak each others language

Get the Five Love Languages book by Gary Chapman - it can really help you.
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Old 09-07-2012, 12:57 PM
 
4,761 posts, read 13,021,379 times
Reputation: 7919
To me, communication in a relationship is the MOST important thing you can do to assure a long lasting, trouble free, and happy relationship.

Let's say you take your car to a mechanic and it needs an oil change and a brake job. You only tell them to change the oil. You get the car back and they did not fix the brakes. Then you get mad at the mechanic for not fixing the brakes! Is that fair? No.

Same thing with a relationship. If you don't tell the other person what you like, don't like, are mad about something, hate a certain type of food, etc., then how on earth can that person do anything about it?

Also feelings. Saying "That hurts my feelings when you do that.", "That makes me angry", "That makes me feel happy", "I don't like it when you call me that name", etc. These things communicate to the other person your thoughts and feelings. And again how can the other person be expected to stop doing things which are irritating to you are do things which make you happy if you never tell them?

And communicate verbally in person! NOT texting. When talking they can see your body language and hear the tone in your voice. Example texting: "I'm mad!" Talking: There can be different levels of the voice or even a very LOUD "I'm mad!" along with slamming a door while you walk out.

So anyway it is a good thing to communicate! Problems can then be discussed and a compromise or solution found. Then that is that. No communication and problems fester and then grow into LARGE problems.

So far as learning to communicate. You need to have someone else help you practice. And you would need to "communicate" to other people that you need help learning.... But if you are not good at communicating, then that might be impossible!

Anyway if you can get friends to help you learn to communicate your feelings, that might work? Maybe make a simple list of questions for them to ask you each day.

Say if you go do something with someone or have a meal with someone or whatever, have them ask you...
Did you like that?
Was there anything you did not like?
How did you feel about it? Happy? Sad? Angry?
Would you have wanted to do something different?
Do you have any other feelings about this?
Etc.

Anyway have someone else ask you those questions when it is a good time to do so. Then get to where they don't need to ask, you say those things on your own without them having to ask.

Then once you learn to do that, just say those things only when needed. (And then no longer a need for anyone to ask you those questions.)

So far as counseling, these people do many different things. One of those is teaching about things like this much like a parent would do. So no big deal.
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Old 09-07-2012, 01:00 PM
 
15,724 posts, read 19,894,328 times
Reputation: 12810
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post
You have to learn to speak each others language

Get the Five Love Languages book by Gary Chapman - it can really help you.
And then you need to communicate to your partner that they need to read the book! lol
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Old 09-07-2012, 05:35 PM
 
3 posts, read 6,469 times
Reputation: 14
Thank you all for your responses! Billy_J those seem like a lot of great ideas. Practice, practice, practice time...
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Old 09-07-2012, 05:43 PM
 
Location: Australia
4,004 posts, read 5,838,576 times
Reputation: 6822
Quote:
Originally Posted by lsunshine View Post
Hey, is it just me or do you find it frustrating having difficulty communicating in your relationship while not wanting to go to a relationship counselor?

What do you guys do?
Leave.
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