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On some points I agree with you but men liked to feel attractive to the opposite sex. Even if were married or just dating someone. My wife & I made the mistake of letting our self's go we both gained weight after so many years together. Our sex life suffered as well as our attraction to each other. There were other factors that drove us apart but that didn't help. I believe overall that want to be looked at though out the years we're with someone. Not only does it make us feel good about ourselves but I think it makes whoever were with feel good about being with us.
I agree, reed. What I want to hear, in more or less this order, from a chick I'M interested in:
1) you're attractive (to her, not because her Mom or her friends gave me the "seal of approval")
2) you're intelligent or smart
3) you're interesting or fun or funny
If I hear provider, it had better come in 4th ... or beyond.
If I hear weird (and it REALLY means "nonconformist" more so than weird), I'm gone in a flash.
Last edited by robertpolyglot; 09-07-2012 at 08:51 PM..
Reason: minor correct
That has to be the ONLY reason why someone would do that after one time.
And not just a lack of sexual chemistry but also a lack of an emotional connection too.
Maybe, but it came across as you were not mind blowing this first time so hit the road Jack....or Jill.
Maybe, but it came across as you were not mind blowing this first time so hit the road Jack....or Jill.
I know it does but I think it's because sex happens too quickly and they don't have an emotional connection. So a physically awkward first time sexual experience can make a person say afterward "I don't want to do it again with them, but it's too late now because I've already done it and they'll want more" and instead just never see them again.
I think it's really interesting that some guys say yes and some say no. I wonder what makes the difference.
It has to do with emotional connection and the degree to which the guy in question lusts after (read desires) the woman in question.
Getting "turned on" is more than just sexual arousal. If that was all it was then the almost inevitable lubrication which occurs when a woman is undergoing coitus, allowing for penetration, would count as "turned on". She may not be into it BUT her genitalia can manage.
It would be more than the arousal required for tumescence and turgidity (don't know if the term will pass CD's filters) since that can happen with a bit of massage regardless of the male's feelings. Just having that (let's try) erection would qualify as being "turned on".
But no -- it's more.
It has to do with being into the person.
And when it comes to relationships, well... Anyone ever heard the old adage Whoever cares the least controls the relationship...? It's generally true precisely because the one who cares the least is the one most willing to walk away, leaving the other person who is NOT willing to risk the loss of the relationship vulnerable to manipulation.
Same principle here.
A man does not generally walk around "needing" to be lusted after by all women who see him, although I'm sure if it happened it would feel pretty darned nifty (don't reckon I'll be finding out anytime soon).
But as soon as he is invested in a particular woman, the MORE he cares for her, then the MORE pleasureable her positive feedback as manifested in her lustful overtures and gestures, her desireous interactions with him.
How often do we see in these very forums "My wife/husband just doesn't seem interested in me?"
Question: WHY do we see that, over and over?
Isn't it... because it's nice to actually SEE someone lusting back for you as much as you lust for them?
Once more: DUH!!! Not to your question regarding the difference, Srjth; but to the whole question around which this thread is built.
I once heard a guy say that he doesn't like it when his woman lusts after him because it makes him feel pursued or hunted by her, which makes him feel emasculated and out of control, so he prefers to be the one in control.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by srjth
^ Very informative, Urban Sasquash, thanks.
Explain this though please, if you will? -
I once heard a guy say that he doesn't like it when his woman lusts after him because it makes him feel pursued or hunted by her, which makes him feel emasculated and out of control, so he prefers to be the one in control.
I've actually heard the same myself. I find it a bit odd. I like the idea of being wanted/pursued. I don't think I'm the type to chase. It might be a lot harder for me to find a woman this way, but at least i know she'll really want to be with me.
I've actually heard the same myself. I find it a bit odd. I like the idea of being wanted/pursued. I don't think I'm the type to chase. It might be a lot harder for me to find a woman this way, but at least i know she'll really want to be with me.
Get off the internet and go meet real people!!! I keep telling you this!!! I mean it!!! You have no idea what any of this is actually like. You have all these ideas and theories but you don't have any real experience. You are dissecting all these things and then getting all worked up about them when you don't even know what it is like! Women DO lust after men. And when a woman wants to be with you - you will know - no matter who pursued who.
I don't see why they wouldn't want to be lusted after. Who wants to be with someone who just lays there and doesn't seem into it? I think it's a huge ego boost when you are with someone who just can't keep their hands to themselves. Is there anything better than being with someone you can barely make it through dinner because you just can't wait to go home and rip their clothes off? Guys aren't total cavemen. I think they need to feel wanted and desired just as much as women do. But I'm not a guy, so I could be wrong!
I don't mind if chics help me with my stamina and endurance while doing some yoga poses. It may not be as exciting, but it is helpful and potentially very therapuetic.
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