Do most men need to feel 'lusted after'?

[Raena77]

Hmmmm feel like they're sexy or not to women?

Uh yeah.

No man wants to hear "omg you are so gross"

[srjth]

Originally Posted by Urban Sasquatch

Just now getting back, so just now answering.


That may be THAT guy...


Or it may be THAT guy doesn't know himself. Imagine how he would feel in the event his woman seemed to simply not give a $#!+ about him with regard to affection.

In this case he wants that "control" but the fact is that it ONLY works so long as she responds to his overtures by reciprocating. That puts him in a seat of power AND she "lusts for him", but on cue rather than overtly.

He wants it when HE wants it; when she wants it, with him she's not allowed to demonstrate her affections or he feels pressured and apparently emasculated -- BUT she needs to show her desire when he snaps his fingers.

Yeah he said that the was the ideal.

Suppose he snapped those fingers and she glanced across the room at him, remained expressionless and then went back to what she was doing? Now she's most definitively not pursuing or demonstrating --

...but do you suppose he might suddenly feel even MORE emasculated?

That guy still needs it, still wants it; the only difference is that he wants it to be at beck and call rather than his woman being free to ask as freely as she is asked.

I wonder if a man in this circumstance would feel rejected rather than emasculated??? They seem like two different things.

[Urban Sasquatch]

Originally Posted by srjth

Yeah he said that the was the ideal.




I wonder if a man in this circumstance would feel rejected rather than emasculated??? They seem like two different things.

They CAN be two different things; but they can amount to the same thing, too.


It's once more a question of emotional investment. If he's interested but not invested and he's rejected, that's rejection -- but more easily rolled away from.

If she's been responding to him and suddenly does not -- he may wonder why. He may push harder.

What if she's overt, perhaps even blunt with her reasons for not responding? "You know, I'm never supposed to show when I'm interested, only go for it when you're in the mood."

"That's not true."

"It IS true. And you know, I started standing back, taking a good look at you, and started wondering WHY I was coming when you snapped your fingers. I decided I didn't like it. I'd rather be ME, when I WANT to be me. Sorry, but you are NOT worth that kind of self-suppression and headache."


Now granted, that's a harsh and TOTALLY hypothetical scenario.

Let's take a look at something more realistic. I've BEEN in this one once or twice and I know lots of guys who have, too. The result is stupidly comical, but also telling with regard to human nature.

A male friend comes out of the closet with you.

The INITIAL reaction from younger, less world-wise hetero males is to immediately wonder: My God -- has he ever checked ME out?!?

This question is sometimes stammered out, the hope being that the answer is negative AND the question delivered as inoffensively as possible.

However, what comes next is silly and surprising. Most typically the guy coming out to you is doing so precisely because you're his friend, trusted and a sort of confidant.

So his answer is to grimace and roll his eyes and say "Oh, good Lord NO! I've never looked at you that way!"

The hetero guy's gut reaction is to be taken aback at this "rejection" despite that he is NOT interested, and to immediately say or think "Well why not? What's wrong with me?!?"


This isn't some latent homosexual filament twingeing in his soul; it's simple human nature to want to be desired, to be thought appealing even if it's by those to whom one is most decidedly NOT attracted. The "rejection" isn't disappointing, but there IS a comical aspect of "Wow... you didn't have to say it like THAT..."


If you want to take it in another direction then what IS "emasculation"?

In essence it's being out-manned by someone else, typically a woman in modern usage of the term BUT it can be a man as well, someone showing you up in front of women, or female comments toward a male they are admiring as a "male specimen". This is more common among the younger, but can happen easily enough -- so long as one cares. So long as one feels put-down (even if it's indirect) or is made to feel masculinely inadequate.

"Inadequate."

Not good enough. Inferior in some light or respect.

Not measuring up --

...and ultimately rejected on some level.

That's really all any "emasculation" adds up to, slice it any way you wish.

[Braunwyn]

Originally Posted by Urban Sasquatch

Spoken like a true [self-moderated before the powers-that-be come around and get all tetchy] with all the reasoning power and observational skills of a [self-snip] who just crawled out of [self-edit] yesterday. I'd reckon you haven't even stopped $#!++ing yellow yet.

[srjth]

Originally Posted by Urban Sasquatch

If you want to take it in another direction then what IS "emasculation"?

In essence it's being out-manned by someone else, typically a woman in modern usage of the term BUT it can be a man as well, someone showing you up in front of women, or female comments toward a male they are admiring as a "male specimen"...

Huh? What do you mean by that?

Admiring a male is a bad thing?

[Raena77]

Originally Posted by srjth

Huh? What do you mean by that?

Admiring a male is a bad thing?

He doesn't want you to stare at his gluts.

[Urban Sasquatch]

Originally Posted by srjth

Huh? What do you mean by that?

Admiring a male is a bad thing?

If I'm the guy you're admiring, then NO, it isn't a bad thing.


Read it again.



This is the area where it becomes difficult to be a man in today's world. While insecurity admittedly isn't an attractive quality in anyone, men generally aren't allowed to have any insecurities. It's a sign of weakness and for all that they'll say otherwise, women despise weakness.

Couple that with the modern feminine wish that we would "open up to what's really inside" and you've just got a $#!+bomb waiting to go off.

Far better to shrug and pretend NOTHING bothers you. You may be an insensitive lout, but you'll still keep the girl.

[danielpalos]

I think many men would prefer to help women by getting used for sex instead of women getting used for sex, until we clamor for a relationship when we can't handle all the emotions and sex anymore.