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Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
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Is/has attraction become one way?
Many women say that they are turned on by the male body, that what matters is how he seduces her. I read in an article that 'feeling sexy' is essential to a woman's sex drive, which is 'reactive', while a man's sex drive is 'pro-active.' A woman needs to feel 'sexy' and 'wanted.' It might also be a cultural thing (the connection between feeling 'sexy' and self worth), but there's probably some innate instinct for a woman to appear physically fertile and ****able.
So then, are we to assume, that most men wouldn't care if a woman finds him physically attractive, they just see her as an 'outlet' for their sex drive? More as the object of attraction? Do men truly view themselves as 'sex objects?' Or is female lust for males supposedly less for the physical things but his personality, or what we can do for her? E.g. provide for her etc.
If a straight man felt the need to be 'lusted after', and 'dominated' - or bi-curious, at best - do you think that might drive him to seek out a homosexual relationship? Are such men looked down for wanting submissive female partners? They're not total subs, sometimes they want to dominate, but what if the idea of being with someone who doesn't turn them on at all leaves them cold? What if she said, I actually find FEMALE nudes more arousing than your body, how you feel? Would you care?
It's a complex thing, but maybe it's another thing that makes me cynical about relationships. At least gay relationships are more 'equal' in that sense. I don't mind taking on the role, and I'm attracted to women almost exclusively (and yes, I'm pretty sure about that, so no 'you might be gay' comments, I think I'm pretty sure of my own sexuality ) but I suppose I might have a need to feel 'wanted' more than many men. Maybe it's not essential, but maybe it reflects the fact my brain is a bit more 'female' than the average male's brain in some ways?
Not really, but it's easy to know when it's something else beside physical attraction is the driving force for someone which, for me, would then be considered an ulterior motive. So, while I don't need to be lusted after, I want physical attraction to be the "front burner" item. Good question. "Good provider," per another one of my contentious threads, is certainly NOT want I first want to hear. Drop-kick.
I am not sure I need to know my wife is attracted physically. Actually, I am typically a little embarrassed with wife telling me how "sexy" I am, or handsome, hot, or whatever term she uses to express her physical attraction. I am glad she feels that way, and expresses it. I guess I just don't really see myself in that way, and it doesn't give me those soft and fuzzy feelings that she obviously has when I tell her the same things.
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
24,544 posts, read 56,034,272 times
Reputation: 11862
Bah I meant a lot of women are NOT turned on by the male body. Some guy said his girlfriend was not aroused by his naked body. It wasn't something I thought of much, but I guess I assumed being in lust with someone involved being turned on by the sensuality of your partners naked form.
That seems odd. I would normally suspect most women are seeking a man that they are physically attracted to among other qualities. Maybe that is an example of one who is trying to "settle"?
Guys want women to be sexually attracted to them, it boosts confidence. Its the reason why alot of guys who couldnt get laid if their lives depended on it would never go to prostitute because its not the same as someone whos sexually attracted to you. Ive always thought that was one thing a lot of women take for granted
You know I like you - but GET OFF LINE AND HAVE A REAL RELATIONSHIP!!!
You keep seeing things in black and white - Women have said they aren't turned on just by the male body so therefore women do not lust after men. Personally, I do not get turned on by just looking at a man's body. Do I get turned on by my husband? You better believe it! Did he have any doubts that I wanted him BAD when we first got together? No sirree!!! Women can definitely be turned on by the man they are attracted to - which is different than just looking at a picture of some stranger's body. Do you understand the difference? A stranger - even one with a hot body - is a stranger. When I first met my husband and I started to get to know him, he was not a stranger anymore. He was funny. He was intelligent. He listened to me. He was a bit perverted (in a good way). He became incredibly sexy to me and I couldn't keep my hands off him.
Now, go out there and meet some real life women!!! Or men - if that's what you want!
You know, it's not just guys -- everyone wants to feel "lusted for" sometimes. It's not just the question of physicality, it's seeing that enthusiasm in someone else's eyes, hearing it in their voice and knowing that YOU have something about you which simply does it for them.
I consider myself to have very average looks and, since all the weight gain, a less-than-average body. Even during my physical heyday I can fairly safely say there have only ever been a couple of women who simply LOOKED at me and felt that lustful **sploosh**.
But there have been women who got to know me and became fairly lustful, and in a couple of cases more than just "fairly". I recall one woman who admitted to me openly that she loved watching me cook, that it actually worked her up and got her aroused because I had this look of focused dedication, concentration during those moments, passion for what I was doing in a way that indicated I was devoted and didn't give a tinker's damn what anyone thought of me.
When it came to demonstrating her lust there were no holds barred; I KNEW she wanted me, she made it apparent -- and I loved it, too.
This isn't a male need; this is a human need, the need to be not only desired but to know that YOU do it for someone else in a way that makes all others pale.
It isn't limited to the body; but trust me, the body becomes lusted after as part of the person entire once attraction begins. People stop seeing what they originally saw and proceed to see something else.
Do men need to feel lusted after? Sure. Doesn't everyone?
What wounds deeply? Seeing one's beloved look at someone else, or seeing one's beloved look at someone else beside whom we feel we cannot compare in some respect?
men and women are very different. Men dont need to be lusted after and certainly not dominated, they just need a woman who is attractive. Women may prefer a man who is physicaly attractive of course, but it isnt as important as said mans behavior. In a most basic sense and all complexities aside, women need to look good for men, becasue their beauty is subconsciously equated by men to youthfulness and fertility. Men, need to display a a certain type of behavior to be attractive to women, in order to demonstrate that they can be good protectors and providers. Women get pregnant and men dont, this is where all of gender differences originate.
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) but I suppose I might have a need to feel 'wanted' more than many men. Maybe it's not essential, but maybe it reflects the fact my brain is a bit more 'female' than the average male's brain in some ways?
