Debate on the Most Important Aspects in Relationships (wife, marriage, man)

[lsunshine]

So I told my friends about joining this forum and we started talking about relationships and what made them work vs. break down. At the end we tried to simplify our conversation to say these are the 3 top things in a relationship, but since we all have our own experiences we couldn't agree. I'm really curious to open it up to you guys to see what you think are the most important aspects to a healthy, rewarding relationship.

Here are the aspects that I can remember us bringing up:

Love, Respect, Communication, Appreciation, Dependability, Honesty, Collaboration, Growth, Passion, Vision, Romance, Fun, Anticipation, Testing, Trust, Celebration, Discovery, Freedom, Acceptance, Getting out of our comfort zone, and Contribution.

Of course if you feel like something else is more important in a relationship, please add your own.

______________________________

In my opinion, the top 3 aspects that seem to make the biggest difference in a relationship are Respect, Collaboration, and Passion.

Respect - I feel like communication is the underlying of any relationship, but that it seems to break down the most when me and my husband are not respecting each other in the way that we need (which is frustrating to address sometimes but hey, working on our relationships is what makes it move in the direction we want, right?). So in that sense I feel like if you have respect then you'll have the communication (or at least you'll be able to apologize if the other person needed more out of your communication since you respect them).

Collaboration - It seems like the best solutions that have worked for my H and I (that we've continued using) have been the ones that we created together. Plus after an argument it feels good to know that we both put something into coming up with a solution.

Passion - From my personal experience, no matter how much my husband and I have connected emotionally or intellectually, if we're in a dry spell sex-wise (maybe from exhaustion or whatever) that we end up feeling like we're supportive, close friends. Then when we finally get around to having sex it's like "oh yeah, that's the man I love! I can't believe we haven't been doing this more!" It's like we wake up to why we're actually TOGETHER and the special aspects of what we share rather than being roommates that sometimes have arguments and other times have a lot of fun.


So those are my opinions. What do you guys think are the most important?

[*Sixy*]

Tolerance.

[cpg35223]

The six absolute requisites:

Trust -- I cannot believe how many posters on here hang on to a relationship at all costs even when they don't completely trust the other person. This is seen a lot in the Joint/Separate Checking Accounts threads. To me if you don't trust your spouse enough to share your money with that person, then why the hell are you married?

Respect -- Lack of respect is corrosive.

Communication -- No, you don't have to talk about your feelings 24/7. Hell, I'd go bonkers if I had to do that. But you should be talking every day. Your day. What pissed you off. What you found funny. In short, have 10,000 small conversations than 100 big ones. Works better that way.

Generosity -- For a relationship to work, you have to both give up part of yourself to create something larger. That means that your spouse is more important than you, and the health of the relationship is bigger than either of you. People who are self-centered not only make really lousy partners, but they tend to be really unstable people in the long run. Nothing is ever good enough for them, so they keep moving on to The Next Big Thing.

Serious Sexual Chemistry -- All that soulmate stuff goes right out the window if you don't really like the humpalumpadingdong with the person you're with. If it ain't good, the marriage is going to be bad. That's why I think the hullabaloo about staying chaste until the wedding is a bunch of nonsense. Imagine holding out until you're 28 or 30, only to find out that she lies there like a dead mackerel during the act or that Mr. Right is packing a Vienna sausage. Who the hell wants that?

A Sense of Humor -- Along the way, you'll have marital problems, in-law problems, money problems, job problems, friend problems, house problems, health problems, child problems, and a lot of other problems. If your intended cannot handle the body blows that life occasionally deals, then run for you life. Your sanity depends on it. MrsCPG says there's never been a day in our marriage when I didn't make her laugh, even though we've been through our share of challenges. And she does the same for me.

[iknowftbll]

I think it probably starts with attraction, and from there different couples develop different priorities. I would put trust up at the top for me and my wife. Love, respect, and shared interests are all big priorities as well.

Lastly, and more importantly than anything else, a love of football! Thank God the season is finally here!

[Braunwyn]

lsunshine, very insightful post. I pretty much agree with most of what you said and will put respect at the top as well. Without it I'm not sure how any marriage/relationship can work. Respect can have passion, collaboration, communication, all the good things, grow and intensify.

[Baldrick]

Compassion

[animalcrazy]

Chemistry+Love=Great Sex. The rest just falls into place.

[Skydive Outlaw]

Emotional exclusivity and sexual fidelity which are the foundation for intimacy and committment.

[Ceece]

Originally Posted by Skydive Outlaw

Emotional exclusivity and sexual fidelity which are the foundation for intimacy and committment.

This is good. Emotional exclusivity. Very hard these days apparently.

[bobman]

Originally Posted by animalcrazy

The rest just falls into place.

No it doesn't. You have to work at it.
Even the healthiest relationship needs nurturing.
If so many think everything "falls into place" that might explain why so many are having relationship dramas