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Old 09-13-2012, 09:49 AM
 
13 posts, read 17,143 times
Reputation: 10

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I just married this guy I met online for 2 years. We've been living together for 8 months now. In this exact moment, he is away home.

Yesterday when I return he left me a message saying that he found a porn video with a person who looks a lot like me, and also has my middle name and who is also from my country.
Thought this would be nothing serious and would probably bring up more jokes among us (he jokes about me being latina and I joke about he being black)

Saddly, It was not what I expected. This video has messed up a lot with him to the point that he believed it was me and he is hesitant about all the things he knows from my past.
Now comments like "I dont know your family and I only know past through you not anyone else, or perhaps you did the video and didnt want me to know, etc etc" have been brought to our conversations, and its really affecting me.

Im heartbroken, he is questioning my values and making me feel that he doesnt really know me at all.
The person in the video doesnt look like me, she kinda has my hair style and at some moments I can see some slight similiraties that wouldnt be there if the video wasnt blurry as it is. Even when she does look at the camera, its not easy to define her face, which makes me bittersweet. The video is not clear, so why did he decide to believe that person is me? Why didnt he focus in the obvious differences between me and her and instead decided to contaminate his mind with these lingering thoughts that he just saw me having sex with someone else and also that i could be promiscuous.

I dont know what to do now, cause he even asked me to show him my feet to compare them with the ones in the video and also mentioned that perhaps I have videos online and thats the reason why I dont like when he watches porn.

So this is serious, but how serious? Should I just leave him alone for now with his thoughts, should i try to continue proving myself and the reliability of my words? I seriously dont feel like talking to him now, cause I am really affected, he says he trusts me but I dont know that anymore and Im not even sure that he believes me when I say thats not me... Though I do try to understand his feelings now, for some reason I feel like something has been broken ....

Please advice me...

Last edited by Sortie; 09-13-2012 at 10:01 AM..
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Old 09-13-2012, 10:01 AM
 
14,375 posts, read 18,377,781 times
Reputation: 43059
That's crazy stuff. He's believing a blurry porn video over you. If he was a reasonable person, he'd be giving you the benefit of the doubt because he loves you, and that's what one does with the people one loves. This isn't a text or an email indicating an emotional affair; this isn't hard evidence. This is some chick who kinda looks like you. If you've never given him any reason to doubt you, this is all you need to fully doubt HIS worthiness.

If you weren't married, I'd say cut your losses and walk away. Instead, give marriage counseling a try maybe, but I wouldn't blame you if you cut bait entirely.
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Old 09-13-2012, 10:11 AM
 
Location: Mammoth Lakes, CA
3,360 posts, read 8,390,974 times
Reputation: 8595
He's just looking for an excuse to bail on the marriage and found this porn video as an excuse. In any event, I would walk out on this marriage ASAP. Anyone as immature as he apparently is, is NOT husband material.
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Old 09-13-2012, 10:11 AM
 
Location: Wherever women are
19,012 posts, read 29,724,589 times
Reputation: 11309
If she makes a new video, that proves it's not you. If she is retired, you're out of luck.

Fellas, which latina does interracial porn and goes by two first names?

Contest begins now.
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Old 09-13-2012, 10:13 AM
 
Location: NYC
2,427 posts, read 3,984,584 times
Reputation: 2300
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sortie View Post
I just married this guy I met online for 2 years. We've been living together for 8 months now
just in case, check out what the annulment laws are in your state

en serio. este es loco!

pretty much jrzd's advice was spot on
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Old 09-13-2012, 10:14 AM
 
2,758 posts, read 4,959,719 times
Reputation: 3014
Quote:
Originally Posted by JrzDefector View Post
That's crazy stuff. He's believing a blurry porn video over you. If he was a reasonable person, he'd be giving you the benefit of the doubt because he loves you, and that's what one does with the people one loves. This isn't a text or an email indicating an emotional affair; this isn't hard evidence. This is some chick who kinda looks like you. If you've never given him any reason to doubt you, this is all you need to fully doubt HIS worthiness.

If you weren't married, I'd say cut your losses and walk away. Instead, give marriage counseling a try maybe, but I wouldn't blame you if you cut bait entirely.
I dont know about most guys, but if I found out my new wife was in a porn video and i stumble onto it, as opposed to her telling me about it, there would be HUGE problems.
If she was upfront about it, thats one thing, I could get over it. But if she hid that from me, then I couldnt help but think, "what else is she hiding?"
We all have a past, and i understand that, but if you are going to hide something that you consider 'private', then it better actually be private, and not online for any Joe to stumble upon.
I dont expect people I date to tell me about every one night stand, and hook up they had, but doing porn is kind of huge, and if you did porn at one time, its probably a good idea to come clean sometime before getting married.
To directly answer your question, show him your feet, he is obviously extrememly rattled by the thought of you doing porn. If that resolves the issue, then resolve it and move on.

I dont think showing him your feet is too much to ask to save a marriage.
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Old 09-13-2012, 10:15 AM
 
Location: NYC
2,427 posts, read 3,984,584 times
Reputation: 2300
Quote:
Originally Posted by Currency Pair Crocodile View Post
Fellas, which latina does interracial porn and goes by two first names?

Contest begins now.
slow down croc

we don't want dudes to start hitting the 60 second per post limit
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Old 09-13-2012, 10:15 AM
 
Location: Central California
1,782 posts, read 2,223,675 times
Reputation: 1691
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sortie View Post
I just married this guy I met online for 2 years. We've been living together for 8 months now. In this exact moment, he is away home.

Yesterday when I return he left me a message saying that he found a porn video with a person who looks a lot like me, and also has my middle name and who is also from my country.
Thought this would be nothing serious and would probably bring up more jokes among us (he jokes about me being latina and I joke about he being black)

Saddly, It was not what I expected. This video has messed up a lot with him to the point that he believed it was me and he is hesitant about all the things he knows from my past.
Now comments like "I dont know your family and I only know past through you not anyone else, or perhaps you did the video and didnt want me to know, etc etc" have been brought to our conversations, and its really affecting me.

Im heartbroken, he is questioning my values and making me feel that he doesnt really know me at all.
The person in the video doesnt look like me, she kinda has my hair style and at some moments I can see some slight similiraties that wouldnt be there if the video wasnt blurry as it is. Even when she does look at the camera, its not easy to define her face, which makes me bittersweet. The video is not clear, so why did he decide to believe that person is me? Why didnt he focus in the obvious differences between me and her and instead decided to contaminate his mind with these lingering thoughts that he just saw me having sex with someone else and also that i could be promiscuous.

I dont know what to do now, cause he even asked me to show him my feet to compare them with the ones in the video and also mentioned that perhaps I have videos online and thats the reason why I dont like when he watches porn.

So this is serious, but how serious? Should I just leave him alone for now with his thoughts, should i try to continue proving myself and the reliability of my words? I seriously dont feel like talking to him now, cause I am really affected, he says he trusts me but I dont know that anymore and Im not even sure that he believes me when I say thats not me... Though I do try to understand his feelings now, for some reason I feel like something has been broken ....

Please advice me...
What's the name of the video? I think I'll have to investigate this myself!

I'll report back to the board with my findings.
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Old 09-13-2012, 10:17 AM
 
1,133 posts, read 2,283,835 times
Reputation: 1247
I'd be flattered if my girlfriend confused me with a porn star haha
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Old 09-13-2012, 10:29 AM
 
12,535 posts, read 15,204,354 times
Reputation: 29088
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sortie View Post
I just married this guy I met online for 2 years. We've been living together for 8 months now. In this exact moment, he is away home.

Yesterday when I return he left me a message saying that he found a porn video with a person who looks a lot like me, and also has my middle name and who is also from my country.
Thought this would be nothing serious and would probably bring up more jokes among us (he jokes about me being latina and I joke about he being black)

Saddly, It was not what I expected. This video has messed up a lot with him to the point that he believed it was me and he is hesitant about all the things he knows from my past.
Now comments like "I dont know your family and I only know past through you not anyone else, or perhaps you did the video and didnt want me to know, etc etc" have been brought to our conversations, and its really affecting me.

Im heartbroken, he is questioning my values and making me feel that he doesnt really know me at all.
The person in the video doesnt look like me, she kinda has my hair style and at some moments I can see some slight similiraties that wouldnt be there if the video wasnt blurry as it is. Even when she does look at the camera, its not easy to define her face, which makes me bittersweet. The video is not clear, so why did he decide to believe that person is me? Why didnt he focus in the obvious differences between me and her and instead decided to contaminate his mind with these lingering thoughts that he just saw me having sex with someone else and also that i could be promiscuous.

I dont know what to do now, cause he even asked me to show him my feet to compare them with the ones in the video and also mentioned that perhaps I have videos online and thats the reason why I dont like when he watches porn.

So this is serious, but how serious? Should I just leave him alone for now with his thoughts, should i try to continue proving myself and the reliability of my words? I seriously dont feel like talking to him now, cause I am really affected, he says he trusts me but I dont know that anymore and Im not even sure that he believes me when I say thats not me... Though I do try to understand his feelings now, for some reason I feel like something has been broken ....

Please advice me...
The OP refers to her husband as "this guy."

A man who is allegedly a husband, and therefore can be presumed to have knowledge of the OP's face and body, now allegedly can't tell the difference between the OP and a porn star.

Has he also never heard her voice, such that he can't tell her voice from the porn star's?

Of course, if the OP doesn't "feel like talking" to him, perhaps he doesn't.

Perhaps he pulled her out of a catalog. Perhaps the OP and "this guy" have never really even met, never mind established a relationship with love, never mind gotten married and been physically close enough and into each other enough to be familiar with each other's faces, arms, legs, hair, torso, legs, and, oh, of course, feet. Feet are the REAL distinguishing characteristics when assessing porn stars.

Or perhaps this is one of the biggest, most ludicrous fake posts ever to hit City-Data.
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