Need a debate settled.. (marriage, women, love, single)

[Miss J 74]

So we know the old Murphy's Law:

When you're single, it's almost as if no one pays any attention to you. But the minute you're in a relationship, all of a sudden people start hitting on you.

So the BF and I are having this happen to us, but we slightly disagree on WHY this happens.

His theory is that your attitude changes, you're more confident, even if slightly and people (or at least women) notice this.

My theory is you're no longer checking people out anymore, or at least as much as you used to, because you're in a relationship. So now you're going about your business, doing your own thing, and may seem more approachable as opposed to someone looking almost desperate.

While our theories are kind of on the same wavelength, because we agree it boils down to how you carry yourself while in a relationship vs single, he thinks the opposite sex can automatically sense when you're in a relationship, while I say no.

What do you guys say?

[The Dissenter]

Originally Posted by Miss J 74

So we know the old Murphy's Law:

When you're single, it's almost as if no one pays any attention to you. But the minute you're in a relationship, all of a sudden people start hitting on you.

So the BF and I are having this happen to us, but we slightly disagree on WHY this happens.

His theory is that your attitude changes, you're more confident, even if slightly and people (or at least women) notice this.

My theory is you're no longer checking people out anymore, or at least as much as you used to, because you're in a relationship. So now you're going about your business, doing your own thing, and may seem more approachable as opposed to someone looking almost desperate.

While our theories are kind of on the same wavelength, because we agree it boils down to how you carry yourself while in a relationship vs single, he thinks the opposite sex can automatically sense when you're in a relationship, while I say no.

What do you guys say?

I'd tend to side with your BF. My best friend is in a relationship for the first time in awhile. He comes off as more confident and a noticeable change in his attitude. I can see how that can get a second look from women.

[the minx]

I go with the BF. You change for the better in a relationship.

[Raena77]

Yeah you change. Lol until it goes downhill. Or the marriage goes bad.

[bobman]

I'd say you are both right.

[blazejen]

I'd go with a synthesis of the two: As you're going about your business, you can interact with people without fear of rejection (more confidence) and without wondering what they're thinking (ibid.), and so you're more approachable, more yourself, and more interesting... more attractive.

[Dewdroplet76]

All of the above. Did that settle things?

[D217]

People can definitely sense this.

Even if these other people are not even around you, you've created some kind of mental love-buzz in the Earth's atmosphere that they're tapping into.



Seriously, I've had guys I hadn't spoken to or seen in years come out of the woodwork the moment I got into a relationship.

[blazejen]

Hmmm. Now, given that it's a debate, I think I should take a side. The gist of your argument is that a person in a relationship is less threatening, while his is that they have more confidence. So which is more attractive? Less threatening or more confidence? That's a tough one, because they overlap in some ways. However, I'm going to have to lean more toward... no, I can't. They're less threatening because they're not looking and my perception of confidence is someone who is not looking... who can take it or leave it, etc. Sound the DEBATE UNSETTLED alarm. If it were a test, though, I'd have to say confidence is more at the core of it, so rather than eneemeeneemineeemo, I'd pick confidence.

[blazejen]

Originally Posted by D217

People can definitely sense this.

Even if these other people are not even around you, you've created some kind of mental love-buzz in the Earth's atmosphere that they're tapping into.



Seriously, I've had guys I hadn't spoken to or seen in years come out of the woodwork the moment I got into a relationship.

This is true, too. People come out of the ether the moment you're taken the same way your pined after exes come back the instant your last holding cell has emptied them.