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Old 09-17-2012, 12:47 AM
 
3,248 posts, read 2,642,103 times
Reputation: 3438

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Maybe I'm just picky, but I was noticing how I'll find 7 out of 10 girls that will be attractive to me, but maybe only 1 out of 20 guys that I find cute, and 1 out of 1000 guys that I will find cute enough to want to date. Most of the time I don't go for the looks though, because I know how rare and shallow that is. I usually get to know a guy first before I decide if I like him and want to go out with him.

Well,.. I guess that "1000th" guy came along. I thought he was extremely cute and I was super attracted to him. I've never felt the initiative to ask a guy out, but I did this time. I got the impression he liked me too. When we went out, we were super flirty with each other. The next time we saw each other, we ended up sleeping with each other. He might think I'm easy, but I'm not. I've never been this attracted to a guy before to just jump into bed with them. But I know that it was all physical because I didn't even know him that well.

We're continuing dating, but I don't feel like he's really putting in too much of an effort. I think he wants a relationship but he's playing it way cool. He told me he liked it when I took the initiative, but I feel like it's always me contacting him to meet. I'm getting tired of it. Is he taking me for granted because I asked him out first? Is there any way to turn it around into a beautiful relationship where we connect well emotionally and physically? Doesn't really seem possible. I tried to get to know him better, but we seem to always end up sleeping with each other. I don't want a friends with benefit relationship and neither does he. But we're so attracted to each other physically, it seems nearly impossible to not sleep with each other.

We still don't know each other that well. I'm confused about whether or not I should play hard to get at this point because well, he already got me. He just doesn't contact me as much as I like and I don't want to seem like the one to always do the "chasing". I'm feeling on the verge of just giving it all up and finding someone I actually connect with. But I don't know him that well so who's to say we wouldn't connect well? I'm just tired of dating guys who are great but I'm not that physically attracted to. I thought of just ignoring him for a while but he might think I'm not interested anymore. What should I do?
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Old 09-17-2012, 12:59 AM
 
Location: Long Island, NY
1,775 posts, read 3,343,083 times
Reputation: 1881
Ignore him. He's just not that into you.
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Old 09-17-2012, 01:31 AM
 
3,703 posts, read 3,387,609 times
Reputation: 2152
Have you ever considered ... and this might sound crazy! ... but have you considered telling him how you feel? Seriously, when I am dating a girl if I am doing something that is pissing her off I would like to know about it because it's probably NOT intentional. We are not mind readers. A lot of times a simple conversation will suffice. Tell him to be a man and step up, and if he fails to do so then you know it's time to move on. But at least give the guy a chance to fix the problem.
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Old 09-17-2012, 01:36 AM
 
Location: Lehighton/Jim Thorpe area
2,095 posts, read 2,741,916 times
Reputation: 1692
Quote:
Originally Posted by BioMechanical View Post
Have you ever considered ... and this might sound crazy! ... but have you considered telling him how you feel? Seriously, when I am dating a girl if I am doing something that is pissing her off I would like to know about it because it's probably NOT intentional. We are not mind readers. A lot of times a simple conversation will suffice. Tell him to be a man and step up, and if he fails to do so then you know it's time move on. But at least give the guy a chance to fix the problem.
I second this.

Also, it could be that he knows you'll contact him at such-and-such a time, so he doesn't bother to make the contact. I once had a boyfriend who always expected me to call him. Finally I explained to him that I felt like I was putting more into the relationship than he was, and he responded by making an extra effort. Does he sound interested when you call, or is he standoffish?

I don't agree with playing games, but the next time the ball is in his court to contact you, WAIT for HIM to contact YOU. Make it clear though that you expect him to call you. If he's not that into you, he won't bother calling.
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Old 09-17-2012, 01:40 AM
 
16,482 posts, read 22,116,679 times
Reputation: 16212
Back off, take a breath, and wait for him to contact you. If he really wants to have a relationship with you, he will contact you. If he doesn't then you have your answer about his level of committment.
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Old 09-17-2012, 01:41 AM
 
Location: Planet Earth, USA
1,655 posts, read 1,930,716 times
Reputation: 3363
You gave it up too soon, doesn't respect or trust enough for serious relationship.

Yes I know, he slept with you too. Just the way it is.
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Old 09-17-2012, 01:41 AM
 
Location: Holiday, FL
1,571 posts, read 1,814,437 times
Reputation: 1158
To me, a woman that might ask me out would be a very good sign. Sleeping together soon after would also be a good sign. If the personality, common interests, etc, were there, I'd be very interested in finding out where it might lead.

Not sleeping together would mean I would be wondering off, keeping an eye out for someone else. If the rest (personality, common interests, etc) weren't there, the sleeping together would not mean a lot. In many cases, I think women put too much stock in the "sleeping together too soon" thing.

My first wife and I slept together the second time we saw each other, were married 3 months later, and spent 25 years together. If she had been concerned about the "sleeping together too soon" thing, we probably would not have gotten any further than the third date. As it turned out, we had some really great years together. Times that I still cherish.
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Old 09-17-2012, 01:43 AM
 
Location: Holiday, FL
1,571 posts, read 1,814,437 times
Reputation: 1158
Quote:
Originally Posted by brokencrayola View Post
Back off, take a breath, and wait for him to contact you. If he really wants to have a relationship with you, he will contact you. If he doesn't then you have your answer about his level of committment.
Again, if my first wife had done this, we would never have gotten married. "She's not interested, so I guess I'll just go my own way."
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Old 09-17-2012, 02:12 PM
 
Location: Copenhagen, Denmark
10,744 posts, read 9,656,730 times
Reputation: 12692
The "best" reason for having sex is because it's fun. Then, the only let down is if the gut is a dud and won't take instructions. If a guy ditches a girl because she's "too easy", then he is doing the girl a favor.

Move on and have some fun.
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Old 09-17-2012, 02:14 PM
 
Location: San Antonio, TX
819 posts, read 1,034,681 times
Reputation: 1277
Quote:
Originally Posted by the_windwalker View Post
first wife
Yeah, exactly.
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