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Old 09-23-2012, 11:49 AM
 
12 posts, read 16,230 times
Reputation: 18

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Braunwyn View Post
You don't have a hobby photographer in your circle?
Nope. During the accident and recovery (years) I pushed all my friends at the time away, and they've moved on. I didn't want them seeing me like that. I've grown accustom of being alone, so I guess, it doesn't concern me as much as other people in being my myself or alone. After a decade, I am used to it. Any no, I am not a recluse. Aside from my leg, I am in decent shape.

Besides, she wants a wedding photographer like her friends and family have to show all. I said, then she can pay for it, as I do not have it.. I've broken down my bills and income and showed it to her. She said she'll cover it. We will see. And no, I am not bringing any debt into the relationship. I've always covered my own bills without anyone else's help. She did offer to lend me money once, while it would of helped at a time, I declined. I just think it a bit one sided the relationship. Should we speak again, I will state this. We need a new plan, as this one is not working. This much I know for sure.
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Old 09-23-2012, 11:50 AM
 
14,376 posts, read 18,320,068 times
Reputation: 43047
Quote:
Originally Posted by engagedndazed View Post
This is for a inexpensive wedding just at a restaurant in a private room. The photographer is crazily priced, and is more than 1/3 the cost. One of the reasons why I say these things are stupid and unnecessary. The license is the important part, not the party. I am the only one who thinks this way though. Then again, parents and my sister and brother are not paying for it, so why would they know the financial struggles.
Seriously, your family can stuff it - and so can the photographer. You're adults. If they're going to get in a snit and expect you to delay your life milestones to fulfill their expectations, well, that's their problem.

Have a private, small ceremony with just the two of you and your parents, then a nice dinner and a lot of nice candid camera shots. At a later date, perhaps, have a formal portrait done if it's really THAT big of a deal. You've got serious health problems, and she's got goals that have a definite shelf-life. You're the one talking about not kowtowing. So don't.

Decide if you want to marry this woman and start a family with her if you are in doubt. And then move forward in the way that will satisfy the BOTH of you with a reasonable amount of compromise. Your parents and siblings should not enter into these considerations - they're not the ones getting married!
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Old 09-23-2012, 11:55 AM
 
14,376 posts, read 18,320,068 times
Reputation: 43047
Quote:
Originally Posted by engagedndazed View Post
Nope. She wants a wedding photographer like her friends and family have to show all. I said, then she can pay for it, as I do not have it.. I've broken down my bills and income and showed it to her. She said she'll cover it. We will see. And no, I am not bringing any debt into the relationship. I've always covered my own bills without anyone else's help. She did offer to lend me money once, while it would of helped at a time, I declined. I just think it a bit one sided the relationship. Should we speak again, I will state this. We need a new plan, as this one is not working. This much I know for sure.
Ask her if professional wedding photographs really trump having enough money for that baby she needs to conceive ASAP.

Oh, and let her go down on you. Nothing like an infected vagina to make you feel utterly undesirable. So the oral would be just as much for her as for you. Then ask her what you can do for her.
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Old 09-23-2012, 12:03 PM
 
Location: Mountains of Oregon
17,619 posts, read 22,575,993 times
Reputation: 14350
Quote:
Originally Posted by Braunwyn View Post
That's a fine idea. Even a BBQ at lovely scenic park would work. I recently saw some love story movie (about the wife who lost her memory) and they got married with friends present at an art museum, but it was off the cuff. It was really sweet.
"The Notebook"...great movie.


Dazed should just have inexpensive reception at in-laws home. Everyone bring a dish to eat, drinks, etc. Maybe in the backyard, outdoors.
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Old 09-23-2012, 12:12 PM
 
Location: Mountains of Oregon
17,619 posts, read 22,575,993 times
Reputation: 14350
Ask relatives/friends to bring their cameras, take many pics during the Beautiful day.
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Old 09-23-2012, 03:05 PM
 
Location: St Thomas, US Virgin Islands
24,665 posts, read 69,567,744 times
Reputation: 26727
This whole big wedding thing is out of whack but I never did "get it" anyway. She's been married before and had all the trimmings. There is so much more, though, that's so wrong with this whole thing and if you do decide to make a go of it then please consider some counseling. Obviously you two just don't communicate well at all. I can't imagine even a big disagreement segueing into what's now a few days with no communication between the two of you other than a couple of texts. You don't want to call her because you don't think you're "wrong", she's obviously being stubborn and won't call you either. You're not teenagers, for crying out loud but you're certainly acting like it and certainly not much like a 30+ year old couple who really love each other and are planning to spend the rest of your lives together.
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Old 09-23-2012, 03:12 PM
 
14,376 posts, read 18,320,068 times
Reputation: 43047
Quote:
Originally Posted by STT Resident View Post
This whole big wedding thing is out of whack but I never did "get it" anyway. She's been married before and had all the trimmings. There is so much more, though, that's so wrong with this whole thing and if you do decide to make a go of it then please consider some counseling. Obviously you two just don't communicate well at all. I can't imagine even a big disagreement segueing into what's now a few days with no communication between the two of you other than a couple of texts. You don't want to call her because you don't think you're "wrong", she's obviously being stubborn and won't call you either. You're not teenagers, for crying out loud but you're certainly acting like it and certainly not much like a 30+ year old couple who really love each other and are planning to spend the rest of your lives together.
This. With the information coming in drips and drabs, I wasn't processing it all (darn you, ADD), but this nails it directly.
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Old 09-23-2012, 03:17 PM
 
Location: SW Missouri
15,853 posts, read 35,068,861 times
Reputation: 22694
If you cannot resolve the issues that are giving you problems, then this woman is not for you. Sometimes we make mistakes. There is no shame in it. If you are this unhappy and have many disagreements before marriage, it is only going to get much worse after marriage.

Time to do the right thing and admit this is not going to work out. Find someone who you are more compatible with and will be happy with.

20yrsinBranson
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Old 09-24-2012, 08:06 AM
 
16,488 posts, read 24,437,936 times
Reputation: 16339
This is a hot mess. If you think things will not get worse once you marry, you are wrong. Her bossiness will get worse, her nagging will get worse, her desire to get pregnant will get worse, and your sexual life will get worse. It sounds like you are a 2 income family and that once you are married you'll need both of your incomes. If she gets pregnant she may have complications that may require bed rest and her not being able to work. Once she has the baby she will want to stay home and not work. I would seriously make sure you are using a good birth control. People do get pregnant despite using condoms, so do think that is foolproof. One thing I think you should seriously do is go to the OB/GYN with her and go into the office and talk to the doctor. Find out if he did indeed say she should get pregnant, and most of all find out why on earth she is not over this Bacterial Vaginosis. I am going to cut and paste from WebMD about Bacterial Vaginosis. She should have been over this a LONG time ago. It even says some women have no symptoms at all and it is a mild infection. Read it yourself. I think she is making excuses to not have sex with you, and her not spending the nights anymore is another way to avoid sex with you. You need to very seriously re-evaluate this relationship.

Bacterial Vaginosis - Topic Overview
Is this topic for you?
Bacterial vaginosis is the most common type of vaginal infection. To learn more about other common types, see the topics Vaginal Yeast Infections and Trichomoniasis.

What is bacterial vaginosis?
Bacterial vaginosis is a mild infection of the vagina caused by bacteria. Normally, there are a lot of "good" bacteria and some "bad" bacteria in the vagina. The good types help control the growth of the bad types. In women with bacterial vaginosis, the balance is upset. There are not enough good bacteria and too many bad bacteria.

Bacterial vaginosis is usually a mild problem that may go away on its own in a few days. But it can lead to more serious problems. So it?s a good idea to see your doctor and get treatment.

What causes bacterial vaginosis?
Experts are not sure what causes the bacteria in the vagina to get out of balance. But certain things make it more likely to happen. Your risk of getting bacterial vaginosis is higher if you:

Have more than one sex partner or have a new sex partner.
Smoke.
Douche.
You may be able to avoid bacterial vaginosis if you limit your number of sex partners and don't douche or smoke.

Bacterial vaginosis is more common in women who are sexually active. But it is probably not something you catch from another person.

What are the symptoms?
The most common symptom is a smelly vaginal discharge. It may look grayish white or yellow. A sign of bacterial vaginosis can be a "fishy" smell, which may be worse after sex. About half of women who have bacterial vaginosis do not notice any symptoms.

Many things can cause abnormal vaginal discharge, including some sexually transmitted infections (STIs). See your doctor so you can be tested and get the right treatment.

How is bacterial vaginosis diagnosed?
Doctors diagnose bacterial vaginosis by asking about the symptoms, doing a pelvic exam, and taking a sample of the vaginal discharge. The sample can be tested to find out if you have bacterial vaginosis.

What problems can bacterial vaginosis cause?
Bacterial vaginosis usually does not cause other health problems. But in some cases it can lead to serious problems.

If you have it when you are pregnant, it increases the risk of miscarriage, early (preterm) delivery, and uterine infection after pregnancy.
If you have it when you have a pelvic procedure such as a C-section, abortion, or hysterectomy, you are more likely to get a pelvic infection.
If you have it and you are exposed to a sexually transmitted infection (including HIV), you are more likely to catch the infection.
Getting treated with antibiotics can help prevent these problems.

How is it treated?
Doctors usually prescribe an antibiotic to treat bacterial vaginosis. They come as pills you swallow or as a cream or capsules (called ovules) that you put in your vagina. If you are pregnant, you will need to take pills.
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Old 09-24-2012, 08:15 AM
 
Location: NY
9,131 posts, read 19,944,891 times
Reputation: 11706
I am wondering why you are continuing to plan to marry this women. It just seems like you two are on different pages. Different pages with the wedding, with family planning, with priorities.
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