Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Agreed, Baldrick and Liberty. Sometimes peace means accepting that "this is not mine to understand at this very moment." There's a lot of beauty and growth in searching for reasons, but sometimes, especially when other people's choices are involved, they are not ours to access. Sometimes the only peace that can be found is within acceptance that I do not and may never understand.
I don't think closure is overrated at all. There have been relationships that ended where I didn't have any closure and it makes it harder to move on, or at least it does for me. My last few relationships ended really fast and even though they were short relationships and I wasn't in love, I did care about the other person, and it's difficult to just accept okay, it's over and done when you don't know why it ended and you never got to say your final piece. It's easy to SAY okay that person ended things so I'm just going to forget about it and move on. Emotions aren't always rational. It shouldn't make any difference if you feel you have closure or not...even if you know the exact reasons why and you get to say everything you're thinking to the other person, it doesn't change that the relationship is still over and you have to move on, but for some reason feeling some sort of closure has always made it easier for me.
Thing is tho, there are things in life we will never get "closure" for.
The abuse victim may never understand why their abuser claimed to love them, but hurt them.
Yes, they may move on, but that chapter of life can never be "closed", it will always be waiting to pop up when you least expect it.
We may never know why a partner cheated, why someone close to us dies unexpectedly, why a friend is mugged in the park.
We may never know why any relationship ends.
As someone else said, closure as a concept is believable, but as a word, it means nothing.
Perfect closure does not exist. It can't.
Healing does exist.
we heal the wounds, but we never remove the scar.
For a while after the event, we keep re-opening it, but after a while, we learn to ignore it and it heals, but it leaves a mark. A mark to remind us of something good or something bad.
If things are over, is there any reason or explanation required for you to exit a relationship? I mean, who is truly blindsided when things aren't working out?
I spent quite a bit of time expecting closure from my ex husb for that train wreck he put me thru called our marriage. It never came, because I was married to a raging, confirmed narcissist. After that, I came to realize, this endless quest for "closure" just cinches your victim status and keeps you unhealthily tied to someone who didn't care for you in the first place and was therefore okay with wounding you.
So in a word, YES. Closure is over-rated...and possibly meaningless.
If things are over, is there any reason or explanation required for you to exit a relationship? [b] I mean, who is truly blindsided when things aren't working out?[\B]
I think in healthy relationships, you are not blindsided often.
But when you have someone in a relatiknship who isnt being honest or faithful, then it is very easy to be blindsided.
But, even in 'closure', the dumper won't be 100% honest. "we just arent meant for each other" that may mean they already have their eyes on someone else already. or, " we arent compatible" may mean that they arent getting what they want anymore.
Regardless, some closure is good, but in most cases, the person dumped probably never fully understands why the relationship is not workin for the other person.
I think closure is very helpful for some people. If you're in a relationship with someone and it's not working out, I would think you owe them an explanation as to why. I think lots of people are blindsided when a relationship fails. I've known people who moved cross country to be with there SO, were apartment shopping or just got engaged when it seems like suddenly the SO says it's over, they're not happy, they've been cheating... An explanation doesn't make things better but I think it goes a long way in helping someone cope with a relationship ending.
Closure allows you to move on from a painful situation.
Without it, many people never move on and stay stuck, wasting a lot of the rest of their lives.
I agree with this. And not just in relationships, but it's important to have closure in all aspects of life. Unfortunately, I could not make it on time for my father's funeral (which could have been a closure for me) and have not yet recovered from it.
Knowing why it's over doesn't change the fact that it is, indeed, over.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
