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Because they're crude, disgusting and completely open with each other. I've had many of them say they love having me around because they can 'be themselves' around me. I've also have a few of them say things and then look at me and say 'oops, I forgot you were a girl, sorry.'
I've also worked with nearly all men in my career and they usually act all nice and sweet for the first few weeks and then the 'real' them comes out. It's a stark difference.
Okay, so to be concrete your problem is guys you want to be friends but are not romantically or sexually interested in making a pass at you and then disappearing after you say no (unless I misread your post).
The first possible cause is that they really liked you and find it painful to hang out knowing you aren't interested. Nothing you can do about these, tough luck, but this is not the majority of cases so move on to number two.
The second possible cause is you act angry/offended and the guy thinks you don't want to be his friend anymore because of your reaction and things break down. Solution is to let the guy down gently (but firmly!) and then suggest hanging out (platonically) again before too much time passes and things get weird.
The third possible cause is that these guys have a full social/professional calendar and just don't have enough time in it for another platonic friend. Solution for this, you either need to befriend less busy people or alternatively need to offer more of value: whether it's just striving to be more entertaining when hanging out, organizing group events, matchmaking, brokering favors, whatever, you need to do something to justify absorbing the Saturday night of someone with a surfeit of options.
The problem specifically is that I just want to be friends they want more and after I let them know its bit going to be more... They act as if "this more" that they want will eventually happen, so they stick around and just count the clock while lusting. I just want them to accept my friendship as the only offer. And I have been having problem finding a guy who will just see me like a female relative "you know the non investing type" lol
We are not talking about "talking" but hanging around. Quite honestly all of my friends have significant others so when we go out we want to be by ourselves, guys only. Once you have even one female everything changes and nobody can be himself. You want us to treat you like one of the guys but this is not going to happen. You are not a guy. Why is this so difficult to understand? Women are the same exact way.
You are the one that isn't understanding, could be your age.
I have known females that were more crude than many males, yes, they were straight and were proper women when they needed to.
Because they're crude, disgusting and completely open with each other. I've had many of them say they love having me around because they can 'be themselves' around me. I've also have a few of them say things and then look at me and say 'oops, I forgot you were a girl, sorry.'
I've also worked with nearly all men in my career and they usually act all nice and sweet for the first few weeks and then the 'real' them comes out. It's a stark difference.
Again, should I cancel my concert this weekend?
The they don't treat you like a women at all. I don't know what is worse....
The problem specifically is that I just want to be friends they want more and after I let them know its bit going to be more... They act as if "this more" that they want will eventually happen, so they stick around and just count the clock while lusting. I just want them to accept my friendship as the only offer. And I have been having problem finding a guy who will just see me like a female relative "you know the non investing type" lol
I got an idea, Zoe. I don't know if it would apply to men over thirty, but men between 20 and 30 still oftentimes seem to have similar goals to teenagers...wanting to get the goody-goodies without wreaking too much havoc.
Feel free to talk about your boyfriend sometimes, the positive or amusing factors, preferably. Don't expect them to give relationship advice. That could make us feel quite low and girly, but feel free to mention how much you like him, particularly if we get that, wide-eyed enfatuated look. Lots of us will want to sleep with you if you're decent looking, but that doesn't mean we'll act on that impulse. I knew many, many men in college who desired female companions just for their presence. Your age (25) is pretty close to the college age. That means that many men your age may want that too...the thing I think that should be remembered is many, many of us will want to sleep with you too. Again though, that doesn't necessarily mean we'll see it as worth the loss of your friendship to make a move.
If that doesn't work, I'm out of ideas. Brag about your boyfriend around your male friends occasionally. You might want to avoid talking about any flaws he has around your male friends too. If they get turned off by this...they shouldn't if all they want is to be friends....
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