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"Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die." Or in this case, hate. Life's too short to hate and like you said, it only destroys the hater.
Acid does far more damage to the vessel that holds it, then anything it can be poured upon.
Words to live by. If you have gotten a divorce, split up, whatever, its time to focus on you, and let the hate of the other person go. I have ex's that I think are stupid I'd never want to talk to again. It doesn't mean I hate them, I pity them.
No, can't say that I do. I don't harbor any ill-will toward him. I just don't feel anything, really. We haven't spoken in years and don't keep in touch on anything like Facebook.
If he passed on, I'd send his parents flowers, though I wouldn't go to the services. That's about it.
Two years later, I will add that I do have a lot of respect for him. After we split up, he did a pretty spectacular 180 in his life--finished undergrad, got a Master's, went on to a PhD, did a fellowship with NIH. I'm sure he's a great dad to his kids, too. I'm actually kind of proud to have been married to him.
As for the ex-SO (whom I was with for longer, so I have to count him here even though you asked for spouses), "ambivalence" is the best word. It has been about 7 months since we broke up, and I do miss the good times very much and when I think of them, and his good traits, I feel love for him.
Then I think of some of the other stuff, and depending on what it is, my feelings range from anger to disappointment in his character to outright pity. I don't wish him ill, but to say I wish him sunshine and rainbows would be a lie. He could be a real ahole at times, not only to me, but to his family, his coworkers, and his friends, and it only got worse as time went on, so it's hard for me to actively want good things to happen in his life other than for him to straighten his own head out.
Even women who were abused, many times, overcome the hate of their ex. That doesn't mean they forgive them, but they don't hate them as much after time.
It'll burn you up, the hate, its best to try and let it go. I am not saying thats for everyone, but we can't all have the worst relationship in the world in our past.
I really loved someone who was a lying piece of ****. I was pissed and got vindictive about it (got him busted for fraud and posted it online). As time went on, looking back on it we both have our share of problems. I do forgive him, because though he was a jerk so was I. And I still do love him. If we were to ever reconcile I would suggest we got to therapy together.
Last edited by NyWriterdude; 08-26-2014 at 10:17 AM..
I really loved someone who was a lying piece of ****. I was pissed and got vindictive about it (got him busted for fraud and posted it online). As time went on, looking back on it we both have our share of problems. I do forgive him, because though he was a jerk so would I. And I still do love him. If we were to ever reconcile I would suggest we got to therapy together.
I really loved someone who was a lying piece of ****. I was pissed and got vindictive about it (got him busted for fraud and posted it online). As time went on, looking back on it we both have our share of problems. I do forgive him, because though he was a jerk so was I. And I still do love him. If we were to ever reconcile I would suggest we got to therapy together.
Does it make you wonder how well you really knew him? That's how I would feel. Once someone starts lying, I question everything about him. I guess my trust is easily broken.
Funny this got revived. I replied the first time a couple years ago with a really enthusiastic no. Now it's just a regular no. I forgive my ex for all the things he did that hurt me and I hope he's since become a better person. I'm in the camp that if you are still angry then you aren't over it. I don't feel anything now. Finally! It took a long time.
Every night before I go to sleep, I say a little prayer.
It goes something like this:
Lord, please let there be an earthquake, and the ceiling beams fall across my ex's hips.....pinning her tightly. And please let there be a sheet of ceiling material which smothers her calls for help. And please, let her cell phone be active, but just out of reach.
And please, lord, let her lay like this for a few days before succumbing to a painful death.
No...i don't love her any longer. She did this to herself, and is quite proud of being the devil reincarnate. I pray every day that she dies as such.
And when she gets to hell, I hope it is even worse.
I was with a guy for 6 years and even though he cheated on me, he will always have a special place in my heart. He was my first, we were 15 and I was very much in love.
I was with a guy for 8 years, we are still in contact and I there is also a special place in my heart.
I was with the guy I married for 7 years and yes, there is still enough space in my heart (I have a big one) for him.
I don't LOVE them but I still have an emotional bond because we went through a lot and shared experiences and even though it failed, it was part of my life.
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