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I recently read an essay about how the people who like to pat themselves on the back for being "brutally honest" rarely have anything positive to say. It's never, "I'm just telling it like it is--you're really good at your job."
Or have anything "honest" to say that would be a humiliating mark against themselves, rather than against the next person.
When does such a person say "You're younger, stronger and you have all your hair, and I never could have attracted anyone as pretty as your wife. Oh hey dude, just telling you like it is, don't shoot the messenger" or "I'm being angry at/nasty toward you because I wish you would sleep with me but you turned me down, so now I have the urge to hurt your feelings in helpless retaliation - ha ha, just keepin' it real, I'm that brutally honest sort of dude." Or "I know you're the one who should have gotten the promotion, not me. I'm worthless, actually, they just feel sorry for me. Oh whoa whoa WHOA there dude, don't shoot the messenger, just being real! Can't anybody be honest anymore? What's with all this PC crap?" Or "Excuse me, I have to go pick my nose and eat it. Gotta keep it real, I always speak the truth, hey, I'm brutally honest."
People who love to say they're "just honest" are generally "honest" when someone else is about to take the fall, not them. And they will almost ALWAYS preface things with "No offense, but..." "I know this is going to come off as nasty, but..." or something similar. Why? Because they know they're abrasive...and choose to continue to be abrasive. It's not about honesty. It's about wanting to be abrasive...and asking forgiveness rather than permission.
Depends. While what you're saying is true and they would be incompatible, what Bryant17 needs to consider is how seeing those pictures actually makes him feel, in order to properly assess the situation for his own needs.
If I set a box trap and come back to find it closed but empty, either way the box is shut. But was it due to malfunction, or failure? Two different reasons bearing different consideration for each, but the same result to an undiscerning eye.
You yourself cite the finances. If it's "I don't do that" as Bryant17 asserts, and it's because he doesn't DO that, it's a different scenario (despite the identical result) than if he's thinking "I could never afford that, what would such a woman think of me," or even his own words, "I couldn't keep up." The why of not keeping up matters -- not for the women he never approaches, or even for the women at all. It matters if Bryant17 is working on correct self-assessment in pursuit of self-betterment.
If it's a lack of common interests, I doubt he'd ever feel the slightest intimidation. Why? We don't care about insults which aren't true.
If he feels like he could manage his money better, or like he's not doing well enough in his financial life, and thus cares what a woman might think of him not being able to afford things she does -- that's intimidation. His self-assessment requires that he ascertain whether he's interested in women of a different financial caliber than he can currently afford. If that answer is yes, then what does he need to do in order to attain the goal of being more financially viable for a different dating bracket?
Sometimes a person can do something about any perceived shortcoming, if they can identify it. Some things lie beyond our reach, whether currently or forevermore.
I'm doing fine economically. I manage my money very well. I pay mortgage, not rent. I have 3 cars, and plenty of disposable income.
It is frustrating - I've been told I'm intimidating by both women and men. Although I'm comfortable around people I know, I tend to be quiet around people initially, and some can mistake that for being snobby. I have a master's degree and CPA, and have bought a house on my own. In a dating situation, I'm also not the flirty type. I have no problem complementing someone, but I'm not going to go out of my way to make them feel super special (initially) or get all dolled up. Even though it's 2018, I think many men still want a woman they can take care of and provide for, and they may not feel like they can do that for someone who is independent. Ultimately, I think you have to just find people who accept you for you and take the time to get to know you. If people don't make the effort because they make a judgment about you, then that's their loss.
I'm doing fine economically. I manage my money very well. I pay mortgage, not rent. I have 3 cars, and plenty of disposable income.
It wasn't an assumption of your status. I was saying IF it's this, that, the other, and using your name because you were the other speaker to whom I was referring by way of example.
My point was that IF any of those was a factor, it would matter. If none of those is even remotely a factor but something else was -- it would matter. But the only matter would be the how/if/why of your reasoning if you were working on changing something or overcoming any potential hurdle.
In this case, none of those are a factor, and it's that you "just don't DO" the kind of stuff. Nothing wrong with that, nothing to fix. Not suggesting there was. But in the larger question of intimidation, it matters as an example. Nothing else.
If you see those women and are simply not interested -- that's not intimidation. It's what the other guy described: an assessment.
If you see them and are intimidated, it would suggest you wouldn't mind getting to know them (whatever your reasons), but don't venture forth because in some way you feel scared (even a little, after all that's what intimidation is, a form of fear) that you'd be inadequate in the arena of heading out for their brand of adventure, keeping up, being interested in what they might ask/desire of you.
Not intimidated: "Meh. Swipe left." Never a further thought.
Intimidated: "Oh... I would, but I fear she'd be disappointed in me, I wouldn't stand up to her brand of measure."
Again, NOT an accusation, NOT saying this is you. Just paring down meaning of the words.
I've seen that among high ranking military. They don't like being questioned or objected to. "Just do what I say, my way is how it works" kinda people.
Then you have some men that are really just sick of arguing and fighting over everything under the sun. And it's often women of certain ethnicities who do behave this way. Then when dude don't want nothing to do with her "You can't handle a strong woman"
And what's wrong with that? Isn't it true? It's just not a good match - it doesn't have to mean she's a beotch...or that he's a wimp. People take isht so personally and they are bitter and find reason to fault everyone when they aren't successful.
Some people think any disagreement is an "argument" or a "fight" and when the other person speaks loudly and confidently that they're being yelled at! I really can't stand those people - I just have to laugh - they obviously have never been around a person who is actually aggressive or abusive. They just want a mouse who'll cave to anything they say.
I recently read an essay about how the people who like to pat themselves on the back for being "brutally honest" rarely have anything positive to say. It's never, "I'm just telling it like it is--you're really good at your job."
Someone actually once said something like that to me.
It wasn't an assumption of your status. I was saying IF it's this, that, the other, and using your name because you were the other speaker to whom I was referring by way of example.
My point was that IF any of those was a factor, it would matter. If none of those is even remotely a factor but something else was -- it would matter. But the only matter would be the how/if/why of your reasoning if you were working on changing something or overcoming any potential hurdle.
In this case, none of those are a factor, and it's that you "just don't DO" the kind of stuff. Nothing wrong with that, nothing to fix. Not suggesting there was. But in the larger question of intimidation, it matters as an example. Nothing else.
If you see those women and are simply not interested -- that's not intimidation. It's what the other guy described: an assessment.
If you see them and are intimidated, it would suggest you wouldn't mind getting to know them (whatever your reasons), but don't venture forth because in some way you feel scared (even a little, after all that's what intimidation is, a form of fear) that you'd be inadequate in the arena of heading out for their brand of adventure, keeping up, being interested in what they might ask/desire of you.
Not intimidated: "Meh. Swipe left." Never a further thought.
Intimidated: "Oh... I would, but I fear she'd be disappointed in me, I wouldn't stand up to her brand of measure."
Again, NOT an accusation, NOT saying this is you. Just paring down meaning of the words.
Yeah, I can see that. I've seen some women that I am "intimidated" by. It's not just their looks though. It is how they carry themselves as well.
It is frustrating - I've been told I'm intimidating by both women and men. Although I'm comfortable around people I know, I tend to be quiet around people initially, and some can mistake that for being snobby. I have a master's degree and CPA, and have bought a house on my own. In a dating situation, I'm also not the flirty type. I have no problem complementing someone, but I'm not going to go out of my way to make them feel super special (initially) or get all dolled up. Even though it's 2018, I think many men still want a woman they can take care of and provide for, and they may not feel like they can do that for someone who is independent. Ultimately, I think you have to just find people who accept you for you and take the time to get to know you. If people don't make the effort because they make a judgment about you, then that's their loss.
You don't sound intimidating to me, some people are just scared of what they don't understand.
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