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Old 09-30-2012, 11:41 PM
 
Location: Up in the air
19,112 posts, read 30,572,215 times
Reputation: 16395

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Idon'tdateyou View Post
All I can say is good luck Jet Jockey and hope you find a guy there. I know myself I have looked at the various physical disabilities and have become far more tolerant of them.Not that I was ever mean to someone with a disability, just that dating wasn't usually an option.
It's usually not an option. I've had enough men run away the minute they hear that I have a medical problem to know most of them consider it a deal breaker and that's fine. I actually met a guy online and was really excited to meet him because he didn't have arms. I figured we had something in common since he was born without them and I had some 'war stories' as well. He rejected me because it was 'too much to take in'. So much for that.

I know dating is going to be nearly impossible, I've spoken with a lot of women who have the disorder and all of them have had issues. The men usually don't because women are a bit more understanding of medical issues.
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Old 09-30-2012, 11:52 PM
 
1,523 posts, read 1,950,287 times
Reputation: 2662
I just learned that the man I really liked just brought his ex-gf from FL to visit him. I was so sure that he was going to ask me out.

I am slightly disappointed in myself for becoming emotional invested in someone who had no interest in me. The signs were there; I chose to ignore them. *sighs* Yes, it hurt for a hot second, but I don't roll in whine and mope.

Next!
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Old 10-01-2012, 12:18 AM
 
10,029 posts, read 10,871,584 times
Reputation: 5946
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pikake View Post
I just learned that the man I really liked just brought his ex-gf from FL to visit him. I was so sure that he was going to ask me out.

I am slightly disappointed in myself for becoming emotional invested in someone who had no interest in me. The signs were there; I chose to ignore them. *sighs* Yes, it hurt for a hot second, but I don't roll in whine and mope.

Next!
This reminds me of something that happened in high school and I still get upset about it. I was in church group and really liked this one guy. He wasn't handsome but was such a nice guy. Anyway somehow I got it in my mind that he was interested. Not sure if it was because he sent me a Christmas card or just nice to me. I was going to tell him I had a crush on him and kept putting it off. Finally I decided after church I would tell him because I was helping at a bake sale. In he comes with this girl and she was kind of leaning against him but figured maybe she was a relative or something. That Monday at school I was chatting with several of my classmates (I attended public school but many knew him though he attended a Catholic school)and they mentioned if I had met his girlfriend. No they didn't know I liked him but when they told me I was upset the entire day and even now I get a lump in my stomach thinking of this. Sadly this scenario has played itself several times.
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Old 10-01-2012, 04:53 AM
 
14,078 posts, read 16,559,320 times
Reputation: 17654
Quote:
Originally Posted by 14Bricks View Post
Lol, men settle too. Men might have to go way down the list before he gets a women to say yes. So in essence he's settling.
I know, that's why I said that ideally you'd be getting who you wanted. At least you get to be proactive about it though. Waiting and hoping for some guy to make a move is annoying. Sure you could just go out with the guys who pursue you that you don't really want but that's not fun either.
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Old 10-01-2012, 08:03 AM
 
22,768 posts, read 30,656,536 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sydney1987 View Post
what if the guy you like never comes around to asking you out?

just move on?
i think if you sit back in social situations and wait for the man to talk to you, you will be missing out.

i also think that if you refuse to ask a man to "come with me and go do XYZ" - like coffee or drinks -- then you're missing out.

however, there is a threshold you don't want to cross. At a certain point it's critical for you to let him make the move, unless of course you're looking for no-strings-attached sex.

The big risk as an 'approaching woman' is that you're giving off the vibe that you're available for non-committed sex. This can EASILY become his assumption, unless you specifically TALK about committment vs. sex, which is obviously awkward.
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Old 10-01-2012, 08:42 AM
 
1,090 posts, read 1,831,043 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by le roi View Post
i think if you sit back in social situations and wait for the man to talk to you, you will be missing out.

i also think that if you refuse to ask a man to "come with me and go do XYZ" - like coffee or drinks -- then you're missing out.

however, there is a threshold you don't want to cross. At a certain point it's critical for you to let him make the move, unless of course you're looking for no-strings-attached sex.

The big risk as an 'approaching woman' is that you're giving off the vibe that you're available for non-committed sex. This can EASILY become his assumption, unless you specifically TALK about committment vs. sex, which is obviously awkward.
Amen.
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Old 10-01-2012, 08:53 AM
 
2,365 posts, read 2,831,241 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sydney1987 View Post
BUT if you ask him.... doesn't it totally upset the whole dynamic?

Like the guy should ask. Maybe I'm old fashioned. But he should.
I agree with that. Players change but rules of the game are the same. Might get a lot of slack for saying this but I dont care
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Old 10-01-2012, 11:44 AM
 
6,544 posts, read 7,262,944 times
Reputation: 3811
Quote:
Originally Posted by MsAnnThrope View Post
Oh screw him.

Faint heart never won fair lady.

They have to be a LITTLE bit brave, otherwise they're just not real men.
And then women complain about sexism.

Every once in a while women should stop to think that not every single man in the planet will bow down to you just because you fluttered your eye lashes or took the initiative. If a guy didn’t accept, he’s not interested, period. Women tell guys to quit their whining if they fail. Let’s apply this to women as well. A guy didn’t accept? Move on, try again. Is it that hard for women to accept rejection/failure?

If real men are those who do it all for women, that is tradition, and so on then I guess you also believe that a real woman stays in the kitchen, correct?

Last edited by onihC; 10-01-2012 at 12:00 PM..
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Old 10-01-2012, 12:02 PM
 
6,544 posts, read 7,262,944 times
Reputation: 3811
Quote:
Originally Posted by JetJockey View Post
I know dating is going to be nearly impossible, I've spoken with a lot of women who have the disorder and all of them have had issues. The men usually don't because women are a bit more understanding of medical issues.
That's right. There are things women will be more undertanding like a guy's looks. Just like men will be more understanding of a woman's low economic status or job.
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Old 10-01-2012, 12:21 PM
 
1,090 posts, read 1,831,043 times
Reputation: 818
Quote:
Originally Posted by JetJockey View Post
It's usually not an option. I've had enough men run away the minute they hear that I have a medical problem to know most of them consider it a deal breaker and that's fine. I actually met a guy online and was really excited to meet him because he didn't have arms. I figured we had something in common since he was born without them and I had some 'war stories' as well. He rejected me because it was 'too much to take in'. So much for that.

I know dating is going to be nearly impossible, I've spoken with a lot of women who have the disorder and all of them have had issues. The men usually don't because women are a bit more understanding of medical issues.
I'm going to say something that may sound a bit cliche -

but if you love and accept yourself fully and do not see the disorder as an issue (in this case, on the subject of relationships)-

chances are very high that you will run across someone who mirrors the same attitude back to you.

you get what you put out or project into the world. work on yourself, focus on yourself and you'll be surprised how many others will come forward in your life with the same attitude towards yourself that you hold towards you.

you're going to be fine.
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