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Old 10-02-2012, 09:03 AM
 
Location: Oakland, CA
28,226 posts, read 36,731,749 times
Reputation: 28561

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Quote:
Originally Posted by lpfan921 View Post
Do people really say these things? Wow, whatever happened to just saying hi. Or is that too normal?
Exactly why I don't bother.

My type isn't in abundance online in general. Many of the ones that are have a preference that excludes me (and they are online to find these other types).

So I just stick with real life, where my charm is more readily apparent.

The "best" people that contacted me were in inevitably geographically inconvenient. I was always getting messaged from people who lived on the east coast. I wasn't really sure why. But it matches up with what happens in real life too.
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Old 10-02-2012, 09:07 AM
 
Location: On the corner of Grey Street
6,126 posts, read 10,077,370 times
Reputation: 11796
It depends how hard I'm trying and how often I'm on the site. I updated some pictures this past weekend and I got a lot of messages for a couple days after that. I feel like it's a HUGE myth that women get flooded with messages and we don't have to do any work. I have been on several dates with guys that I contacted first. If I'm not seeing anyone interesting pop up in my inbox, and I want to meet some new people, then I have no problem reaching out to guys I find interesting. Sometimes they write back, and someimes they don't.

I stick with match, and all of my experiences that went bad were with guys I'd been dating for a month or more. I think I had one guy in all the time I've been on there send me a proposition and it wasn't even anything that bad. He just said hey what are you doing, want to come over? I've never had a guy not look like his picture or stalk me or be really creepy or obviously lying about himself. I haven't had any luck finding a lasting relationship yet, and I've been hurt by a few guys I met on there, but I would recommend it. It's only 120 dollars for six months, and I gurantee she will get dates if she tries it.
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Old 10-02-2012, 09:08 AM
 
864 posts, read 1,448,766 times
Reputation: 1142
I put up a profile on two of the free sites a few weeks ago just for fun, because of all the threads I read here about them. It sounded too intriguing (and entertaining) to pass up, especially since it's not costing me a DIME.

At the beginning, I was getting a LOT of messages every day (20-30 a day). It has tapered off. Now I get about 5-6 a day. Most of them are automatic deletions after I read them, but I have talked to three guys who seem pretty decent. I met one last week, and am meeting another this weekend.

I get a lot of "hookup" type messages (those are the automatic deletions, lol). I guess after what I've read here it shouldn't shock me that guys will message a women they don't know and ask if 1) I want to come to their hotel since they are in town visiting, or 2) just flat out ask me if I want to have sex with them. Pretty pathetic, lol.
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Old 10-02-2012, 09:27 AM
 
Location: USA
30,568 posts, read 21,744,161 times
Reputation: 18850
Quote:
Originally Posted by jade408 View Post
Exactly why I don't bother.

My type isn't in abundance online in general. Many of the ones that are have a preference that excludes me (and they are online to find these other types).

So I just stick with real life, where my charm is more readily apparent.

The "best" people that contacted me were in inevitably geographically inconvenient. I was always getting messaged from people who lived on the east coast. I wasn't really sure why. But it matches up with what happens in real life too.
Have you tried meet up groups even those not related to dating? There seems to a group related to every interest out there. Ive been to several over the last 2 years: Movies, Dance, Comedy club and a Halloween party. All great fun.
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Old 10-02-2012, 09:33 AM
 
Location: North Hollywood
331 posts, read 732,203 times
Reputation: 222
Question for the ladies - of the messages you do receive, how many do you not read at all? I can tell who looked at my profile, and usually after I send a message to a lady I can see that she viewed my profile.

However, some ladies do not view my profile at all.
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Old 10-02-2012, 09:37 AM
 
788 posts, read 1,268,348 times
Reputation: 1236
Quote:
Originally Posted by lpfan921 View Post
How many times a day do you get messaged by someone you actually would want to talk to?

I keep suggesting to my sister to try it.

The impression i get about the sites is that women don't even really have to do any actual WORK as far as messaging people. They just have to put up a few pics and write a profile description, sit back for 3 weeks or so and let the suitors come rolling in. Is this accurate? Of course i would imagine you have to weed through a lot of creepers.
I have done the online dating thing and had more weirdos contact me than anything, sometimes several per day. Most guys don't bother to read your profile; they look at the pictures to see whether or not they'd like to sleep with you, then send you a stupid message and wonder why they receive no response.

I've had a few decent dates from online dating, but nothing ever really clicked. One guy was much better looking in person, but never called. Another guy was much better looking in person, but was married! Another was probably equally as good looking in real life, but ONLY wanted to talk about marriage and seemed to have no real interests or hobbies besides working out. And one guy was not as cute in real life and was just boring. I think that's it for my online dates.

I definitely attracted more weirdos than I could possibly count, and most of who I contacted never bothered to write me back. But I have a few friends who've found a SO from online dating. It just hasn't worked out for me.
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Old 10-02-2012, 09:42 AM
 
Location: Oakland, CA
28,226 posts, read 36,731,749 times
Reputation: 28561
Quote:
Originally Posted by LS Jaun View Post
Have you tried meet up groups even those not related to dating? There seems to a group related to every interest out there. Ive been to several over the last 2 years: Movies, Dance, Comedy club and a Halloween party. All great fun.
It was low on my priority list for a while, so I am finally making an effort on meeting new people via interest groups. I don't always have as much time as I would like to go. And I also found out I need to be choosy on which interests I attend groups for. Some of my interests seem to have a lot of older people. So I decided to just skip those groups.

I was chatting with a friend, who is new to the area. We both went to one of the local happy hour groups. I went twice, and it was "interesting." A really odd mix of people. But the weirdest thing is that the vast majority of them did not seem to want to make new friends at all. She went a few times and found the same thing. And I met one other woman who went (she is in another group I am in), and she agreed. It was really funny. We all stopped going. We didn't meet each other in the that group.

So I test the waters. I am in a couple of good groups now (and way more promising in terms of meeting the right people). And there area few more groups on my target list. Some of them are a little too far for me to go to on a regular basis, so I am still trying to find the good ones that are a little closer.

I've met a few potentials in recent weeks. Who knows, maybe it'll work out with one of them, or they'll have friends.

I definitely have to say, meeting new people in your 30s is really hard! Especially if you are established in an area -- because you don't have a great need to expand your social circle.
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Old 10-02-2012, 10:39 AM
 
4,380 posts, read 4,436,024 times
Reputation: 4437
Quote:
Originally Posted by SomeBodyUK View Post
Question for the ladies - of the messages you do receive, how many do you not read at all? I can tell who looked at my profile, and usually after I send a message to a lady I can see that she viewed my profile.

However, some ladies do not view my profile at all.
Depending on the site, it could be they aren't actually active or real members. Match showed my profile as "Active within 24 hours" for at least two months after my subscription ran out and I last logged on and eHarmony sent me two somewhat similar profiles with all the same pictures, which is how I learned about fake profiles.

To answer the OP's question, last spring/summer I had nearly identical profiles on Match and OKC to compare the experience of paid vs free. Some things I couldn't make the same because the options weren't available on both sites. Over 3 months, I averaged less than 1 profile view per day on each site. I received messages from only about 3-4 men on each site-not daily, total. I had a variety of current pics that showed me full length, being active, etc which I had both male and female friends help me pick out. I'm not unattractive, but not a 10 either. Average looks, weight, I have all my teeth and I'm not delusional in thinking I should be holding out for Mr. GQ. Truthfully, I'd rather meet an average looking guy whose personality is a 10. I am however, 38, widowed and a non-drinker in an area very big on beer and wine (allergic to both yeast and sulfites) and I don't want to have kids, though I am open to adopting.
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Old 10-02-2012, 10:42 AM
 
Location: SF CA, USA
4,187 posts, read 5,146,284 times
Reputation: 4999
Yeah, some people might mistake your abstinence for some kind of conservative or puritan lifestyle, when it is really health based. Did you specify that it was because of your allergies that you didn't drink?
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Old 10-02-2012, 10:55 AM
 
14,078 posts, read 16,542,913 times
Reputation: 17654
Quote:
Originally Posted by SomeBodyUK View Post
Question for the ladies - of the messages you do receive, how many do you not read at all? I can tell who looked at my profile, and usually after I send a message to a lady I can see that she viewed my profile.

However, some ladies do not view my profile at all.
I read all of them unless they're really long. Also, sometimes I'll sign out of the site to view a profile so you don't know for sure that they didn't view you.
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