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How do you guys deal with those with low self esteem? Personally to me, there is very few things more unattractive than low esteem and insecurity in a woman. Maybe some men like low self esteem girls, but I hate it. Its almost like you are dealing with a little child. The worst is when they apologize profusely even though they didn't do anything really wrong and I don't care. Based on that, I can now understand why some women hate nice guys. If they act like that, then it must be torture to be with a nice guy.
I had a few experiences with low self esteem/insecure girls. For example, One woman was insecure about her body type which i could tell based on her comments. Anyways, she wanted to meet up in the afternoon, then texted that would leave me with plenty of time to meet other women later that night. Then during a makeout, when I commented that she didn't have panties, she started getting insecure and asking if I didn't like it. Her mind was racing assuming the worst.
Another one, was a girl I went on a date with. Everytime I looked at her for a few seconds without talking, she said "what" as if I was staring at some imperfection of hers. Of course that translated later on in the night. She was fairly slim, but she had one of those ex pregnant stomachs which I'm guessing she was insecure about (though I'm pretty sure she never was pregnant). She didn't want to take off her shirt to hide this. Then she did cry on my legs because despite her best efforts, she couldn't get me off. I was trying to reassure her that I didn't really care, but she still kept crying.
Is there anyway to screen out those with insecurity issues beforehand? I'm not more attracted to confidence than I was before and now understand why a woman would want a confident bad boy over the insecure nice guy.
How do you guys deal with those with low self esteem? Personally to me, there is very few things more unattractive than low esteem and insecurity in a woman. Maybe some men like low self esteem girls, but I hate it. Its almost like you are dealing with a little child. The worst is when they apologize profusely even though they didn't do anything really wrong and I don't care. Based on that, I can now understand why some women hate nice guys. If they act like that, then it must be torture to be with a nice guy.
I had a few experiences with low self esteem/insecure girls. For example, One woman was insecure about her body type which i could tell based on her comments. Anyways, she wanted to meet up in the afternoon, then texted that would leave me with plenty of time to meet other women later that night. Then during a makeout, when I commented that she didn't have panties, she started getting insecure and asking if I didn't like it. Her mind was racing assuming the worst.
Another one, was a girl I went on a date with. Everytime I looked at her for a few seconds without talking, she said "what" as if I was staring at some imperfection of hers. Of course that translated later on in the night. She was fairly slim, but she had one of those ex pregnant stomachs which I'm guessing she was insecure about (though I'm pretty sure she never was pregnant). She didn't want to take off her shirt to hide this. Then she did cry on my legs because despite her best efforts, she couldn't get me off. I was trying to reassure her that I didn't really care, but she still kept crying.
Is there anyway to screen out those with insecurity issues beforehand? I'm not more attracted to confidence than I was before and now understand why a woman would want a confident bad boy over the insecure nice guy.
Another one that understands...
It's not just in romantic relationships either. I have a friend who just keeps saying things along the lines of "I know this is bad." Then he would repeatedly say over and over. "I'm trying, I'm trying."
Over and over. I was like: "HEY, NO ONE IS SAYING YOU NOT TRYING. OKAY? I KNOW YOU'RE TRYING. I'M TRYING. EVERYONE IS TRYING. NOBODY'S JUDGING HERE." He would just say over and over about how he is trying and how he "knows" that he failed.
I'm like "Give me a break." It's not like he was hanging around a bunch of millionaires either. Spend less time dwelling on your faults and more time on figuring out a way to overcome.
As far as screening out. I don't know if it would work for you, but I tend to pick up on vibes. I can often tell who is rather insecure and who is more confident. I guess, what you can do is check out the body language.
Did you read your own post? First you are talking about insecure and low self esteem girls. Then you end it asking comparing insecure guys to bad boys. Which is it?
Did you read your own post? First you are talking about insecure and low self esteem girls. Then you end it asking comparing insecure guys to bad boys. Which is it?
I agree!
I really don't know why so many on these forums are obsessed with nice guys and bad boys to began with.
Did you read your own post? First you are talking about insecure and low self esteem girls. Then you end it asking comparing insecure guys to bad boys. Which is it?
Is there anyway to screen out those with insecurity issues beforehand? I'm not more attracted to confidence than I was before and now understand why a woman would want a confident bad boy over the insecure nice guy.
Doesn't look like you even read the OP.
What I read here is him stating that he understands why a woman would be with a confident bad boy, over the insecure nice guy?
Let me summarise.
The OP is talking about his experience with low self esteem / insecure girls and then he is acknowledging what girls have to deal with from insecure / low self esteem nice guys. That's what I'm reading.
By the way, the reason for there being so many posts with the nice guy and bad boy issue is that the nice guys have a lot of problems with romantic relationships.
Well, insecure people in general are hell to be around. Why? Because you spend every. freaking. moment propping them up. They dither over every single thing they say and every single thing they put on. They second guess themselves constantly. So you spend your time saying things such as, "No, you look great," "No, I agree with you," or "No, it's okay that you have a different opinion than mine. Don't worry about it." My God, it's exhausting.
And if you have a relationship with an insecure woman, it is next to impossible to mention any other woman or talk to any other woman, whether it is a colleague or a friend you've known forever without her getting bent out of shape. One girl I dated was constantly like that. I mean, I couldn't even have lunch with a co-worker for fear that Carol would freak out over it. Funny thing was, I was absolutely crazy about her despite all her weird insecurities. But it finally hit critical mass during the holidays. We went to my office Christmas party and she would freak out whenever I talked to a female co-worker, creating a very weird situation. The next day, we were Christmas shopping at a mall and I saw a good friend from high school whom I hadn't seen in several years. This friend came up and gave me a hug and Carol kept right on walking. Wouldn't let me introduce her. I was so mad and so fed up I broke up with her that day, which turned all her insecurities into kind of a self-fulfilling prophecy.
It's not just in romantic relationships either. I have a friend who just keeps saying things along the lines of "I know this is bad." Then he would repeatedly say over and over. "I'm trying, I'm trying."
Over and over. I was like: "HEY, NO ONE IS SAYING YOU NOT TRYING. OKAY? I KNOW YOU'RE TRYING. I'M TRYING. EVERYONE IS TRYING. NOBODY'S JUDGING HERE." He would just say over and over about how he is trying and how he "knows" that he failed.
I'm like "Give me a break." It's not like he was hanging around a bunch of millionaires either. Spend less time dwelling on your faults and more time on figuring out a way to overcome.
As far as screening out. I don't know if it would work for you, but I tend to pick up on vibes. I can often tell who is rather insecure and who is more confident. I guess, what you can do is check out the body language.
Is there anyway to screen out those with insecurity issues beforehand?
I can definately understand why you would like to try and screen out women with bad insecurities beforehand.
I guess there is no way to really do this well without spending at least a little time talking to them. Then, in your initial interactions, see if they show a pattern of insecurity or low self esteem in how they handle themselves, talk, etc. How they carry themselves, how assertive they are with their opinions/feelings, ect. How outgoing. A confident women is going to act much more confident all around than an insecure woman.
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