U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 10-04-2012, 12:03 PM
 
35,095 posts, read 50,267,766 times
Reputation: 62626

Advertisements

Are you still in high school or just very new to relationships and dating?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 10-04-2012, 12:06 PM
 
1,344 posts, read 4,704,618 times
Reputation: 1490
Quote:
Originally Posted by asma410 View Post
Let him initiate the contact atleast for the first 3 to 4 dates & until you get the feeling he is genuinely interested in you. Its difficult not to think about it until he calls so try to keep yourself busy & loose count of days in between calls. Date multiple people until both of you decide to be 'exclusive'. That way you will loose track of time & wont sit around waiting for someone to call. You seem like a smart woman so keep your options open & stay distracted. 'Not caring' is an attractive quality. I understand not wanting to be with a needy person who doesn't respect your time & space. You have the right attitude.

Read this book to understand their signals:
He's just not that into you by Liz Tuccili
This book must be so full of sh** if your post comes from it. No wonder there are so many unhappy women around. They actually heed this advice.

Talk to a guy, get his number, ask him out, be clear and frank on your intentions, and stop going by the BS rules from 50 years ago.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-04-2012, 12:29 PM
 
4,380 posts, read 4,385,751 times
Reputation: 4432
Quote:
Originally Posted by smarterguy View Post
Talk to a guy, get his number, ask him out, be clear and frank on your intentions, and stop going by the BS rules from 50 years ago.
I agree with this to an extent, that being men go by BS rules too. The last guy I dated got my number, waited the requisite 3 days to call, asked me out for a day other than Friday or Saturday (aka the "non-pressure" days), waited 3 days after the date to call again, etc. It was so incredibly textbook. And more often than not, when he did get around to calling, he found I'd already made other plans. One of the things that most attracted me to my late husband was he didn't follow some set of rules-he liked me, he wanted to see me and he made that VERY clear from the beginning.

I did read "He's Just Not That Into You" a couple of years after he died-things changed from the time I met him, was with him and got to the point of being ready to date again and it was a good refresher course. btw-it's not 50 years old. It was inspired by "Sex and the City."
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-04-2012, 12:35 PM
 
4,078 posts, read 5,312,406 times
Reputation: 4954
Quote:
Originally Posted by ponchew0 View Post
In the early stages of dating, is a woman always supposed to let the man contact her?

Sometimes I think that's silly, so I'll contact them if I feel like it, but then when I feel like I've been doing all the initiating, I'll back down and see how they respond.

But when I don't hear back for 2 or 3 days, I start to think maybe they don't like me that much, and then I'll start thinking of moving on. But then I do get contacted at the end of the 3rd day and I get all happy that they do like me.

So how can I tell if a guy is busy, distant, or just doesn't like me that much?

Well, from past experience, I think all guys want their space. The guys who want to talk to me everyday and are clingy, I'm not attracted to, because I also have my own life. And I'm not saying if a guy just doesn't like me, because then he wouldn't talk to me. I'm talking about the ones who kind of like me, but not that much... how can you tell? I mean this IS the early stage, so I do not expect nor want someone to just jump at me and want to see me everyday. That would make me run.

I guess I would know if they haven't contact me in two weeks. But I'm talking about the in between time like I just experienced. I'd like to talk every other day or every two days for the most distance. But on the third day, I start wondering if they want their space, and if so, I will totally give it to them. But I also wonder if they would want me to do some initiating? I guess you just got to give each other turns to initiate huh?
Ponchew0, what I'm really hearing from your post is: How can I tell if I'm a good for now girl (girl to string along) or someone whom this person see's potential with?

You gauge it by the quality of attention put into the relationship.

Even if you get to the later stages of dating and meet the friends and family, it's still about how consistent this person is with you. The more consistent, the more likely they actually make room for you in their lives.

Of course, there needs to be some level of mutual reciprocity. Otherwise, it's totally one-sided, and you need to focus your energy on the things you want in your life instead of half-hearted relationships and dialogue. In the end, you know deep inside when something feels right and you are happy. Listen to that quiet intuition your body tells you.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-04-2012, 12:36 PM
 
Location: On the corner of Grey Street
6,126 posts, read 9,973,259 times
Reputation: 11783
If women want to be treated like equals in relationships, then they need to act like they are equals. If I was a guy and a woman never contacted me first, I'd think she wasn't interested. Don't act desperate, don't send him a million texts in a day with no response, but be clear that you are in fact interested. If you want to talk to him, then call him. If he never answers your calls then obviously you need to move on, but I think a lot of guys appreciate a woman who is up front in her intentions and doesn't leave him guessing.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-04-2012, 12:54 PM
 
6,530 posts, read 7,191,496 times
Reputation: 3794
Quote:
Originally Posted by strawberrykiki View Post
if women want to be treated like equals in relationships, then they need to act like they are equals. If i was a guy and a woman never contacted me first, i'd think she wasn't interested. Don't act desperate, don't send him a million texts in a day with no response, but be clear that you are in fact interested. If you want to talk to him, then call him. If he never answers your calls then obviously you need to move on, but i think a lot of guys appreciate a woman who is up front in her intentions and doesn't leave him guessing.
^^^ .
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-04-2012, 02:07 PM
 
Location: New Jersey
8,711 posts, read 11,595,026 times
Reputation: 7602
either one of you is supposed to pick up the phone and call each other whenever. if the person never calls you or doesn't return the calls -- stop calling. what is the big deal?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-04-2012, 02:12 PM
 
2,364 posts, read 2,792,811 times
Reputation: 3170
Quote:
Originally Posted by smarterguy View Post
This book must be so full of sh** if your post comes from it. No wonder there are so many unhappy women around. They actually heed this advice.

Talk to a guy, get his number, ask him out, be clear and frank on your intentions, and stop going by the BS rules from 50 years ago.
I WONT STOP GIVING THIS ADVICE, no matter what the you say

It might be 50 or 500yr old advice but sun did rise from the east even back then. Some things never change with time.

Last edited by theluckygal; 10-04-2012 at 02:22 PM..
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-08-2012, 12:15 PM
 
1,266 posts, read 1,589,685 times
Reputation: 334
Quote:
Originally Posted by ponchew0 View Post
In the early stages of dating, is a woman always supposed to let the man contact her?

Sometimes I think that's silly, so I'll contact them if I feel like it, but then when I feel like I've been doing all the initiating, I'll back down and see how they respond.

But when I don't hear back for 2 or 3 days, I start to think maybe they don't like me that much, and then I'll start thinking of moving on. But then I do get contacted at the end of the 3rd day and I get all happy that they do like me.

So how can I tell if a guy is busy, distant, or just doesn't like me that much?

Well, from past experience, I think all guys want their space. The guys who want to talk to me everyday and are clingy, I'm not attracted to, because I also have my own life. And I'm not saying if a guy just doesn't like me, because then he wouldn't talk to me. I'm talking about the ones who kind of like me, but not that much... how can you tell? I mean this IS the early stage, so I do not expect nor want someone to just jump at me and want to see me everyday. That would make me run.

I guess I would know if they haven't contact me in two weeks. But I'm talking about the in between time like I just experienced. I'd like to talk every other day or every two days for the most distance. But on the third day, I start wondering if they want their space, and if so, I will totally give it to them. But I also wonder if they would want me to do some initiating? I guess you just got to give each other turns to initiate huh?
most women will insist that the man chase, they will argue "men are hunters, blah blah bhal"
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 10-08-2012, 12:30 PM
 
6,530 posts, read 7,191,496 times
Reputation: 3794
Quote:
Originally Posted by WantToHaveALife View Post
most women will insist that the man chase, they will argue "men are hunters, blah blah blah"
Men should start saying women should not complain about cooking and cleaning for them because “women are gatherers, nurturers, care takers, blah blah blah” Then again, that would be sexist I suppose.

I guess biology and psychology play an important role only when it benefits certain people.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
Similar Threads

All times are GMT -6. The time now is 01:34 PM.

© 2005-2023, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top