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I'm sure there are those of us who have been hurt before often tend to wait for the other shoe to drop when a new relationship is going good. What makes us gun shy? So to speak. How do we get do get the idea that a new relationship is going to end badly? This is something normally I'd never do but after my marriage ended & the past flame was extinguished I keep thinking or looking for something to go wrong. Any advice from those who have been though this themselves? The women I'm seeing has done nothing to get my spidey sense tingling & I think that scares me itself.
Don't go into new relationships with insecurities. Spend time getting to know who you are a person outside of a relationship. Going into a relationship without being secure in yourself is like trying to fight a battle you can't win. If you get involved with someone and you distrust them, this isn't going to magically go away some day. It needs not have been there in the first place. My advice to you is just don't focus on relationship, go out, meet people, do new things, pick up a new hobby, and just meet others without the expectation of a relationship. I think at this point when you get into a relationship you'll be wholly secure in yourself, that you generally won't think about someone betraying you. But if it is always in the back of your head someone will betray you, it's really a waste of time
It's totally normal. I'll add another thing. You are more apt to feel something like that if you perceive that their worth is higher than yours, putting them in control. If these women are coming on to you, you are more in control. Like I've said before "the person who loves/likes less controls." I made that up. Sad, but true. I think relationships where this dynamic doesn't play out are more likely to be successful.
I'm sure there are those of us who have been hurt before often tend to wait for the other shoe to drop when a new relationship is going good. What makes us gun shy? So to speak. How do we get do get the idea that a new relationship is going to end badly? This is something normally I'd never do but after my marriage ended & the past flame was extinguished I keep thinking or looking for something to go wrong. Any advice from those who have been though this themselves? The women I'm seeing has done nothing to get my spidey sense tingling & I think that scares me itself.
What makes you gun sky?
Simple... fear and insecurity.
Do not allow yourself to live in fear my friend
Life can be scary, and nobody gets through it without at least some pain. Oh well.
The key is to control your feelings rather than letting them control you.
Just chill out and live in the moment. Give up speculating. Things like this are supposed to be fun. If you have fun with her, relax and enjoy. If you stop having fun with her, move on.
At my age and level of cynicism I know whatever sort of affair I will embark on is likely to end (it's life) but that doesn't stop me from starting them or enjoying them for as long as they last.
If they end, they weren't meant to be anyway so...next!
There's always going to be good times and bad times. You just have to go with the flow and enjoy the good times and weather the bad. It's not what life hands us but how we deal with it that's important.
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