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It is very easy to see why the OP struggles with women.
Quote:
Originally Posted by strawberrykiki
OP, can "vent" all he wants, but people who are good at conversation including small talk will always have an advantage in life. Small talk is important in making friends, dating, getting a job, establishing relationships with customers and coworkers. That's just the way it is. I don't want to sit around talking sports and weather forever with a romantic partner, but most people don't dive right into really serious topics. That's just not the way life works and I think you can tell a lot about a person from small talk. Small talk can be where did you grow up, talking about family, hobbies, trips you've been on, etc. It doesn't have to be meaningless. I've gone on dates where the guy didn't say much and it was really awkward and really unpleasant and no there wasn't another date after that. Why would there be?
I completely agree with all of that.
Just about every meeting I've attended at work...with coworkers, executives, clients, etc...there was a brief amount of small talk among the attendees before we got down to serious business. One coworker might chat about the fun stuff she did last weekend (leaving out the NSFW stuff), another may joke about his car, and on and on, spanning a wide variety of subjects. And the lighthearted chatting happens naturally and flows smoothly for the most part. Small talk acts as an icebreaker and helps people feel comfortable and relaxed. It is essential for building rapport and camaraderie.
Light-hearted small talk can even occur with some "deeper" or "heavier" subjects (especially if the people involved all know each other well), although this is less frequent. Many people wisely take their involved audience into consideration before breaching such subject matters - even in a lighthearted fashion.
At parties...whether it's a friend's house party, an acquaintance's Halloween costume party or the annual company Christmas party...there is usually an unwritten rule to engage in small talk and to be inclusive and preferably humorous, and to leave the deep stuff at home.
If someone doesn't engage in small talk, either because he doesn't know how, isn't good at it or isn't willing to engage in it...then that person is going to be disliked by a lot of people. That person will be seen as worse than merely being boring...people will think he's aloof or even antisocial.
Not engaging in small talk = awkward. "Unexpected" silence is awkward and uncomfortable...most people will quickly get a strong urge to say something to break the silence and get a convo started. I believe this is true even for introverts and some shy people. Either they say something or they leave the room if they can or they do something else...the intention is the same: to get rid of the uncomfortable feeling.
People who don't participate in small talk and can't keep a conversation going probably shouldn't be dating until that issue is fixed.
Human beings are by nature social beings. Some are better at socializing than others...some may take a little time to "open up" to folks they've just met...but in general, most people want to talk and interact with others.
OP I think you need to get out of the bar scene or find some where different to meet people. Despite the some consensus there are other places to meet women and not all need to be a cold approach.
Any places you hang out that you can find women with close to similar passion. I mean the quicker you can get out of the small talk and into a more passionate discussion the better.
this ****'s really annoying. It's like, yuo post one thing, and all of a sudden, every tiny little aspect of that is HUGE and everyone jumps all over you. Can't you d-bag posters calm down? Not that all the posters are like that, one half actually posts useful stuff, I'm referring to the other half.
I talk about how SOMETIMES I get nervous or have trouble with small talk, and people start talking about how I have a serious problem because I can't small talk at all. I mention I dislike certain things about people or certain kinds of people or cultures, but never speaking universally, and all of a sudden I'm angry and hateful and have deep psychological problems and a misogynist
Half the posters out there are ridiculous, just ridiculous. And it's really stupid and annoying
And no, you're not trying to give advice, you're trying to act like you're intelligent and enlightened and better than everyone. This is obvious by how everything is deliberately taken out of context to make it more than it is (again, like acting like someone is talking universalyl when they say "this is like" or "those people tend to be", and acting like everything a poster expresses is actually the entirety of their personality, not just a snippet of them, as though people can't have various thoughts and feelings about various things).
Otherwise, thank you to the helpful people with actual, practical advice.
this ****'s really annoying. It's like, yuo post one thing, and all of a sudden, every tiny little aspect of that is HUGE and everyone jumps all over you. Can't you d-bag posters calm down? Not that all the posters are like that, one half actually posts useful stuff, I'm referring to the other half.
I talk about how SOMETIMES I get nervous or have trouble with small talk, and people start talking about how I have a serious problem because I can't small talk at all. I mention I dislike certain things about people or certain kinds of people or cultures, but never speaking universally, and all of a sudden I'm angry and hateful and have deep psychological problems and a misogynist
Half the posters out there are ridiculous, just ridiculous. And it's really stupid and annoying
And no, you're not trying to give advice, you're trying to act like you're intelligent and enlightened and better than everyone. This is obvious by how everything is deliberately taken out of context to make it more than it is (again, like acting like someone is talking universalyl when they say "this is like" or "those people tend to be", and acting like everything a poster expresses is actually the entirety of their personality, not just a snippet of them, as though people can't have various thoughts and feelings about various things).
Otherwise, thank you to the helpful people with actual, practical advice.
It's what's to expect in a forum. I myself post certain things and I get hung, lynched, skewered, shot, crucified for it, too. At the same time, there are some people who actually like what I post. Just be glad you aren't in the same room with others you interact with here. And yes, there are people that will twist what you say in order to use it against you.
That's just the nature of the business. Try not to make anything too big about it.
The only problem with small talk is that some people make things too complicated...
No, I'm really confident. I know I'm awesome. It's my view of how others might view me that can be shaky, it's a conditioned thing. That, and sometimes I just get nervous, a reactionI can't control.
Anyway, I was going it alone at a bar, so that made me nervous. I gotta try again at my local, do the shooting pool thing like I described in another thread.
#1 people with confidence are confident in themselves no matter how others view them
#2 "It's my view of how others might view me"...says it all. You LACK confidence
Well, you most certainly did put down women as a whole. It's been pointed out to you many times by many different people. If you cannot see this and accept responsibility for this - then everything else is pretty much moot.
We aren't talking about fault, blame, victim, etc. We are talking about real life. This isn't a game and there are no goal posts. If you want advice and you want to become a better person - that's possible. If all you want is to put women down, accept no personal responsibility for who you are, blame everyone for your life, and get our pity for it - well, that probably isn't going to happen.
He's quick to judge other people as well; including putting words in their mouth...I learned that the last few days.
this ****'s really annoying. It's like, yuo post one thing, and all of a sudden, every tiny little aspect of that is HUGE and everyone jumps all over you. Can't you d-bag posters calm down? Not that all the posters are like that, one half actually posts useful stuff, I'm referring to the other half.
Sort of like you were jumping on me on another thread ???? (especially since you started taking potshots at my appearance, of all things...gee, funny how YOU don't have a picture up, lol...I wonder why). Karma baby. Karma. Here's a tip...treat people how you want to be treated.
It's what's to expect in a forum. I myself post certain things and I get hung, lynched, skewered, shot, crucified for it, too. At the same time, there are some people who actually like what I post. Just be glad you aren't in the same room with others you interact with here. And yes, there are people that will twist what you say in order to use it against you.
That's just the nature of the business. Try not to make anything too big about it.
The only problem with small talk is that some people make things too complicated...
One the best description of a forum I've heard. It happens to everybody in some way or another.
Its also true that people do tend to make small talk more astronomical than what it is.
Small talk is actually a really great phrase. Very descriptive.
Just a little bit of talk to warm up if you will. You don't start a marathon without warming up a bit, why wouldn't it be the same for conversation?
Exactly.
I think OP issue is with people who think small talk is a way to peer into person entire personality. Which I agree is kind of erroneous in a since.
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He's quick to judge other people as well; including putting words in their mouth...I learned that the last few days.
