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The title says it all LOL. I remember one of the advisers at my college tell us at orientation, "Remember that girlfriend or boyfriend you have 200... 1000 miles away? End it now and save yourself the trouble you're in for. It'll be easier now than later. You'll find it's easy to manage a relationship with someone that's here... Don't worry. You're GF/BF will manage fine without you."
My situation isn't exactly the same... but close enough. Single guy...I work in the oilfield. I'm an 8 - 10 hour drive from this woman's house. We met in Williston. She's from Montana. I finally asked her out and she said 'yes.' Well my first week off is the 22nd - 28th. I may have a very very small chance of seeing her tomorrow because we're going to rig down if frac can get off their tootie and finish this well.
I'm bad enough with relationships as it is (well... just don't have much experience). How do I keep the interest going for 16 more days? I can only think of FB, text and phone. Luckily we both aren't too keen on the latter LOL. And then let's not forget after... 3 weeks on, 1 week off. I might be able to see her here or there if there's a decent gap between wells. (Like tomorrow there is a small chance... but work is first until my week off unfortunately. If I don't do that I'll get replaced.)
Just looking for ideas and what you did in the beginning if anyone has managed this seemingly Herculean task successfully. Thanks.
Robione....Do her days off coincide with yours?? If not, it certainly won't make things easier. Spend your down time near her home....Since she lives in Montana that should be easier. Take things slow, a date does not a relationship make....a decent relationship takes time, nurturing and trust. You a man of character from your posts here it is obvious. Take your time and let this Gal prove her character to you too. Good luck and enjoy your time off.
Well, we are talking a first date here. If, when the day comes, you cannot get excited to go on this date with her then why ask her out at all?
In the meantime, talk, email, text, online chat, or whatever. You don't have to sit across a table from her to be curious about her, and ask her about herself. Conversation can happen in any form. I know there are things lost in each of those ways, compared to an actual date. Still, you have some additional opportunities to learn more about her before you two go on your date.
Long term, you need to think about what you want to do should you two find chemistry. Maybe not worth bringing up before the first date, or on the first date, but you won't want to be stuck seeing each other once a month indefinately. In the long run, your not going to develop a relationship doing that (if it is your goal). However, you can worry mroe about that should you find chemistry.
...Do her days off coincide with yours?? ...a date does not a relationship make....
Okay Yoda. (Order of your words.) As for the days off... probably not by the time I take them. She quit dancing so right now she's just hanging out with her little one. She's trying to figure out what her next move is. She realized she doesn't have much in MT except her mother. She wanted a regular job but she may be moving to get it. Which is fine. She thought about coming to ND. If things go well in the intermediate term I'll probably be looking for a 2/2 rotation.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Checkered24
Well, we are talking a first date here. If, when the day comes, you cannot get excited to go on this date with her then why ask her out at all?
In the meantime, talk, email, text, online chat, or whatever... Long term, you need to think about what you want to do should you two find chemistry... you won't want to be stuck seeing each other once a month indefinately. In the long run, your not going to develop a relationship doing that (if it is your goal).
There may be some confusion here. The problem is that I typically get over excited. Then I have to work through that to get back to "normal." Before I didn't and was typically utterly crushed. So now I keep myself guarded. I like her a lot and you pretty much raised my main concern. I have a bunch of financial goals I'd like to achieve but they'll take years in the oilfield. Currently I can see her one week a month-ish (13/yr)... if things go well I'll change jobs as I mentioned to JanND and have 2-on 2-off. I know we both are attracted to each other but we're both hopeless romantics and a bit guarded. But also both open to this. So I'm basically looking for ideas to help build the spark... phone activities... what to talk about... hmm well how often to discuss feelings/attraction is more what I intended to say. They could be the simplest most rudimentary things that everyone knows about. Tell me anyway LOL. Because I assure you I don't.
So far it's been regular getting to know you type of stuff after I told her my feelings and asked her out. There's 13 more days to my week off... what to fill it with?
Quote:
Originally Posted by birdinmigration
What's the Bakken?
This post was moved from the ND forum. It's a formation containing a whole bunch of oil like STT Resident mentioned. Where I work like crazy and usually don't take my weeks off.... unless I meet a woman I want to spend time with. I was hoping to find peeps in a similar situation there but the mods thought its best fit was here.
Robione....The best conversations are unplanned. You cannot script a relationship. However, since she has a little one...always mention at some point.." How is little ----" Ask and/or speak to her about whatever comes up. Life is better a bit spontaneous. Where is she planning on moving if not to your location? What sort of jobs interest her. Has she done any research into that field...Could she possibly do it in Eastern MT, or Western N.D.
I feel as silly writing these as you will trying to read them off to her....Just speak from your heart. You have a way w/ words, unlike most folks your age you express openly, honestly and w/ enthusiasm....It will be ok..Just be you, so that she can be her....That's where you will really be able to make the decisions and choices about each other. If you get your chance to visit in person...do things together w/ and w/out the child along. It is important to see her interact w/ her child, but just as important w/out, so that she can be just a woman, instead of mommy for a bit. Listen as much as you speak...You are intelligent, it will not take you long to figure out if she is the one. Be safe, and enjoy the rewards of all your hard work...You deserve it. Jan
I remember one of the advisers at my college tell us at orientation, "Remember that girlfriend or boyfriend you have 200... 1000 miles away? End it now and save yourself the trouble you're in for. It'll be easier now than later."
i have no advice unfortunately but i do want to say you had some awesome advisers in college. i got directions to the bookstore and some nonsense talk about how we weren't supposed to drink
jealous. very jealous. i could have used that advice
I've worked in the oilfield up here in Canada for over ten years before moving away - trust me when I say it won't be possible to maintain a relationship. Oil boys like their p*ssy, and the girls back home get lonely. Loneliness leads to bad decisions, which leads to breakups.
The choice is either work in oil, or have a relationship. You ain't having both.
...The best conversations are unplanned. You cannot script a relationship. ...
I feel as silly writing these as you will trying to read them off to her....Just speak from your heart. ...
I know they can't be scripted. It's more for a catalyst for an easily tongue-tied person like myself. Speaking from the heart is my problem. Well in the few days after she said 'yes' she gracefully said 'no.' Kinda saw it coming as even more drama has entered her life. She now fears for her safety and is moving next week further away while staying at another residence in the meantime.
Quote:
Originally Posted by telex_610
... Oil boys like their p*ssy, and the girls back home get lonely. ...The choice is either work in oil, or have a relationship. You ain't having both.
It isn't that I don't like it LOL... I just don't get any and for once (not like it happens often anyway) it be with someone I want a connection with. Looks like this wasn't meant to be after all. (Described above.)
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Well my first week off is the 22nd - 28th. I may have a very very small chance of seeing her tomorrow because we're going to rig down if frac can get off their tootie and finish this well.
Currently I can see her one week a month-ish (13/yr)... if things go well I'll change jobs as I mentioned to JanND and have 2-on 2-off. I know we both are attracted to each other but we're both hopeless romantics and a bit guarded. But also both open to this. So I'm basically looking for ideas to help build the spark... phone activities... what to talk about... hmm well how often to discuss feelings/attraction is more what I intended to say. They could be the simplest most rudimentary things that everyone knows about. Tell me anyway LOL. Because I assure you I don't.
