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What you're feeling is natural. You had good times with him, no doubt, even if the bad outweighed them. And he IS a human being. One you know quite well. It's sad for sure, but I think your decision not to contact him is a good thing.
But ya know what? He made his bed, it sounds like. I get a vibe that this is a pretty selfish guy. He acted a certain way, and it had a foreseeable result. It's a logical outcome, the same way that 2 plus 2 equals 4. I don't have kids or a significant other and the last thing I'd be if I turned up with a fatal illness is alone. I've spent my life working pretty hard to build and maintain friendships and family relationships. They are the people I care about and I treat them like that. You get out what you put in.
What a tough situation. If you're religious, you could just pray for him. Catholics have masses said for people, light candles, etc. It's an activity that doesn't have to involve anyone but you and the church. Or, maybe you could do something else symbolic for him, in his name (like donate to a fund for his type of cancer), plant a tree, etc that would allow you to put the sorrow into energy/something productive.
I have to think about it. In a way, I feel he made his bed and should sleep on it. Like having cancer does not give you permission to be abusive and a bad person all together (never physical but mental)
On the other hand, I am a very compassionate person. I think if I pray for him is a good start. That is what I will do for now. Just pray on it.
Even with compassion you do not need to make yourself available. Prayer is good, and leave it at that.
except that he is her ex husband and there is no need to contact him. No reason at all. If he needs support it is his responsibility. It sounds like he will be fine, even if his GF dumped him or he dumped her or whatever. It is not her problem. No need to at all to contact him. None at all.
I didn't say support, I said contact him and ask how he is doing. I didn't say support him. I just said call him and ask how he is doing. It's really that simple. If he takes it as an invitation back in her life (which he shouldn't given the circumstances) then its up to her to stand firm on the grounds that it could never happen. Seems like she think she'll fall for him if she contact him again. But if there is no attraction there, then calling and acting concerned as a friend isn't a stretch.
I didn't say support, I said contact him and ask how he is doing. I didn't say support him. I just said call him and ask how he is doing. It's really that simple. If he takes it as an invitation back in her life (which he shouldn't given the circumstances) then its up to her to stand firm on the grounds that it could never happen. Seems like she think she'll fall for him if she contact him again. But if there is no attraction there, then calling and acting concerned as a friend isn't a stretch.
Let sleeping dogs lie. There is no need whatsoever to contact him. None at all. No need to see how he is doing or if he needs anything.
You are showing him whatever you want to call it by contacting him. No, the simplest thing is to do is not to contact him. Then you don't have to make things clear, or stand up to him. Avoidance is best. Avoidance is simplest.
Let sleeping dogs lie. There is no need whatsoever to contact him. None at all. No need to see how he is doing or if he needs anything.
You are showing him whatever you want to call it by contacting him. No, the simplest thing is to do is not to contact him. Then you don't have to make things clear, or stand up to him. Avoidance is best. Avoidance is simplest.
The issue she has is that he's dying alone, with no one who cares. So I guess the solution is for her to also act like she doesn't care, even when she does. If she cared enough to make a post on the topic in a public forum, then she should care enough to pick up the phone at least see how he's doing. Or pay him a quick visit. No one is saying things have to go beyond that point, because honestly they can't. it sounds like the guy is pretty much dying. The sleeping dogs are already laid to rest, or should be. The only way contacting him is a problem is if things are going to be woken back up. And if it is a divorce, and they've parted ways, there shouldn't really be anything there left to spark back up.
I didn't say support, I said contact him and ask how he is doing. I didn't say support him. I just said call him and ask how he is doing. It's really that simple. If he takes it as an invitation back in her life (which he shouldn't given the circumstances) then its up to her to stand firm on the grounds that it could never happen. Seems like she think she'll fall for him if she contact him again. But if there is no attraction there, then calling and acting concerned as a friend isn't a stretch.
Interesting that's what you got out of her posts when she clearly stated she fears he will think that/try to get her back/suck her in. Some ex's are unfortunately like that. They will take contact as an invitation.
"I do not want to contact him because I believe he will hurt me again, or maybe he will try to convince me to go back, and I will never do. So I feel it is unfair to both of us.
I always thought that I did not have any feelings for him, but I do feel sorry and sad, because I moved on, have friends, people love me and he is always being dumped."
I do not know the terms of your divorce, but I suspect something about it made your husband treat you poorly.
My husband never wanted the divorce and he went nuts. Like calling my ailing old mother nuts,calling my friends, my employer etc.
I feel sorry for him, but I will stick to prayer. No need to open this can of worms again. Although it is sad. No one should die alone, but if you alienate people and act like an a$$hole... Although to be honest I thought this woman was going to stick around but she bailed too. I do not blame her.
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