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I usually agree with you on most things, but on this I heartily disagree. If he's asleep she has no right to be there unless she was specifically invited.
As a person who lived with a few guys who had their girlfriends coming and going all the time when they weren't present it got REALLY irritating when all I wanted was to have a nice afternoon in the house by myself (which RARELY happens when you have 3 roommates) and their girlfriend shows up and wants to 'hang out'. Especially when they spent the night constantly, did their laundry, cooked food, took showers etc. which made ALL of our bills go up. It must be nice living somewhere and not having to pay rent or pitch in for utilities.
I guess this is a sore subject for me and one of the reasons I really hesitate to live with a person who has a boyfriend/girlfriend that isn't actually living there and paying their share.
I agree with this. OP you are imposing on these people. Even if they like you a permanent house guest is bothersome.
This is what needs to happen. Your bf needs to establish boundaries and expectation since in reality, these are his friends, not yours. I think ultimately you are really seeking this line of support more than an apology from his friend.
Vice versa,
women typically establish these boundaries among their female friends' either.
So, someone said something mean to you and now you are wrecked? Did you ever think of looking that guy in the eye and saying something along the lines of, "I'm dating Ryan, not you, so **** off, you drunken idiot??". Put this experience in perspective - is this the worst thing that has ever happened to you (if so, congrats, you've had an awesome life!)? My guess is that it is not, because seriously, this is not that serious. Stand up for yourself. And like another poster said, I hope your boyfriend stands up for you, too. Maybe next time you go over contribute to the refreshments and be friendly, but not a push-over.
Yeah, I asked them to leave multiple times and an argument from the roommate would always happen. I'm kind of curious if it had been mentioned to the OP on other occasions and she thought they were 'joking' but it finally got to the boiling point and the guy flipped out.
I know that happened a few times to me, where I had asked the roommate AND his girlfriend nicely, on several occasions, that it was not ok for her to be there while he wasn't and that if she was staying more than 3 or so nights a week she needed to pitch in for utilities. Eventually, after being ignored for weeks, I did flip out and yell a bit at the both of them. They said it was 'out of nowhere' but it most definitely wasn't. Things like this rarely happen out of the blue.
One real problem I see with this. If these GF''s are there when the guys aren't I would feel like I couldn't leave if I needed to. I wouldn't want to go off a leave people in the house that don't really live there. I can't believe people are so clueless that they don't see how rude these uninvited guests are.
Seems this gal's BF's roommates agree with you. She disrespected their space, acted incredulous when told to leave, and tempers flared. Why is it wrong for them but OK for you?
Incredulous? She came over, like every other weekend to have drinks and hang out. If she thought she had friends to drink with, I don't see a reason why she wouldn't have went over there to drink with FRIENDS. It's a bonus that her BF also lives there. Obviously she was wrong, and now she knows better that those guys are balless jerks. It's a hard lesson to learn when you have to associate with d*ckheads.
First off, assuming my GF came over wanting to hang out with my friends, I may have not made it clear to only come over when you call me and I'm there, and I'm awake. If there were circumstances where I didn't make that clear and she came over to hang out unexpectedly, that's not her problem, that's mine for not talking to her about it. You don't have a right to talk to her like she's not a person and you've never seen her in the house/apartment before. I treat it as if you choose to yell at her, you yell at me, and you bet your ass I'm going to let you know what I think about that.
So yeah, this is how I make sure she has respect from my friends. If they have a problem with her doing something, you can talk to her about it, and if she disrespects you, you come to me and I'll deal wth it. It's pretty simple. Just don't yell at her.
we start seeing each other for 2 month. i always come there when ryan is there. we always talk together, joke and party. thats why i went to their place without ryan with me coz i thought we were friends. we live door next door , i see them almost everyday
I get what you're saying, you thought they liked you for you, and you're really hurt. You enjoyed hanging with them.
Well they are young jerkish men (obviously) and that guy was disgustingly rude to you. He should apologise.
BUT.
You must remember it is their home. They have a right to sit in their home without having to entertain someone else's girlfriend...which is, sadly, what you are. You are not their "friend", they don't have female friends (I bet you're the only girl sitting there right?). Females are for date nights, not "chillin wit the boys" nights.
Get it now?
You're simply not welcome and it actually has zero to do with you personally. Just one rude idiot that could've handled it better.
You would hate it if they all rocked up to your house to party, uninvited, whenever they chose, night after night, no matter how much you liked them.
You're invading their space.
As far as hanging out with them in the future - I wouldn't bother. I don't go where I'm not welcome, neither should you.
I live in apartment complex, I m dating one of my neighbors named Ryan, i always go over his place and party with his roommates and the rest of our neighbors. One night i come over and Ryan was sleeping in his room, so i sit there with his roomettes who were drinking and listening to music. One of them start being a dick with me, he started telling me in front everyone , " Why are u here?, U are Ryan's girl. Ryan is sleeping, Get out of here" First i thought he was joking but then he kept talking **** to me. I felt so embraced in front everyone and i left crying.
The next morning i met the guy who were talking **** to me at Starbucks and he apologized and he told me he was drunk thats why he talked bad to me . Now I feel like i cant look to the other people who were there when he was talking **** to me. I feel so embraced. i always come over their place and drink with Ryan and them and he have a lot of fun together . Now I cant , i feel like he destroyed my self esteem.
What should i do now? What do u think about my situation? Can u please give some advices?
Thank you,
Do something better with your time than hang out with abusive drunkards just to be within 10 feet of a man who doesn't even know you're there because he's sound asleep.
In fact, I'd ditch that whole crew if I were you, and I'd explain to Ryan why. If Ryan doesn't understand, he's no better than they are and should be dumped as well.
I live in apartment complex, I m dating one of my neighbors named Ryan, i always go over his place and party with his roommates and the rest of our neighbors. One night i come over and Ryan was sleeping in his room, so i sit there with his roomettes who were drinking and listening to music. One of them start being a dick with me, he started telling me in front everyone , " Why are u here?, U are Ryan's girl. Ryan is sleeping, Get out of here" First i thought he was joking but then he kept talking **** to me. I felt so embraced in front everyone and i left crying.
The next morning i met the guy who were talking **** to me at Starbucks and he apologized and he told me he was drunk thats why he talked bad to me . Now I feel like i cant look to the other people who were there when he was talking **** to me. I feel so embraced. i always come over their place and drink with Ryan and them and he have a lot of fun together . Now I cant , i feel like he destroyed my self esteem.
What should i do now? What do u think about my situation? Can u please give some advices?
Thank you,
Alcohol doesn't "make" us do things; it removes inhibitions. That's not the sum of the psychological effects, but it's a good start.
This guy has proved himself NOT your friend and you'd be wise to keep exchanges with him cordial at best, distant at worst.
While I agree that those guys were not gentlemen, i also can feel their frustration if OP is there "partying and drinking all the times". Maybe they gave some subtle hints in a nicer way before, but she didn't get it. It took a beer or two to be more direct about it...
...and the absence of the BF, for some odd reason. I agree with Prince_Frog on this. Heck, they can't even use the whole "Bros before hoes" thing, because it sounds like they really should "grow a pair" first. And until then, they should realize that since they're too cowardly to say it in front of or to the BF (or at least while sober), they should keep their pansy mouths shut...
Too much?
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