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Now I cant , i feel like he destroyed my self esteem.
What should i do now? What do u think about my situation? Can u please give some advices?
Elina, I am very sorry for your hurt feelings, but take it from a woman who has lived long, they are only feelings and completely under your control. People cannot hurt you. People cannot destroy your self-esteem, unless YOU LET THEM.
Consider the source. A drunk said unkind things to you. Seriously, if you are taking clues about your value to the world from a drunk, you have bigger issues to resolve.
Here's my advice: find a more constructive social circle that actually seeks out your friendship. If you don't know anyone like that, look around for people you actually respect and admire because they are doing something constructive in their lives to benefit the world around them. They could be anywhere.
Here's a clue: Start making direct eye contact with people, and smile to them. When they smile back, and even say something friendly, those are probably nice people -- not always, but more likely to be nice. After that, if you notice they are behaving in a way that is considerate of others, that's another clue that they are nice people.
Spend your time with nice people that are not afraid to look you in the eye, and behave considerately of others, and then be their friend. The ones that return your friendship -- those are the ones whose opinion of you should be respected, but even they -- if they say something unkind, should not be allowed to hurt you. NOBODY should be allowed to hurt you. Just do not give them that right.
we start seeing each other for 2 month. i always come there when ryan is there. we always talk together, joke and party. thats why i went to their place without ryan with me coz i thought we were friends. we live door next door , i see them almost everyday
There may be something else going on here. There's just no way I would treat a good friend's GF this way. You ever hear the saying "any friend of <insert name> is a friend of mine"? If I care about my friend and my friend cares about you then I am going to treat you as my friend unless you have done something bad to me.
Perhaps these guys are not really good friends with Ryan and maybe even feel some hostility for him and dumping on you was one way to express it? In which case they don't care about his feelings for you or that treating you poorly might upset him.
Or, and you might not like hearing this one, perhaps they are picking up on his true feelings for you? Maybe he doesn't consider you a GF but doesn't have anything better going on or doesn't have the courage to tell you to leave him alone? In which case his friends might be trying to do him a favor by running you off and making you not want to return. If my GF came over, sleepy or not, I'd at least get up and talk to her a bit. Did they knock on his door and let him know you were there?
I have a rule. I do NOT under any circumstances go over to a SO/boyfriend/guy I'm datings house if he isn't there, awake and actively involved with the reason why I'm over. I always hated my roommates girlfriends who would come over and hang out, drink our beer and use our utilities without my roommates being there. Ugh.
He may have apologized, but I wouldn't go over there unless your boyfriend is there with you. His roommates have probably been irritated with you coming over for a while but it took some 'liquid courage' to finally say something about it. If the other people there didn't stick up for you, you're not welcome there.
I hadn't read the other responses until this morning, but JJ has a serious point here. Whether they've hinted or not in the past, this has built up for at least THEM for a while. What she said was right: If no one else there stuck up for you when this guy went off, there's a good chance they were all thinking/feeling it.
Yeah, you all like to party together but that does not mean that there are no boundaries. Now you know that there are boundaries, it's up to you to respect them.
Op my sister in law went through this with my brother and his friends/roommates. She stayed over a lot and bummed a lot. She ate their food used their electric. But my brother was the big guy in the house. Slowly they all moved out and it was just her and him. Which I think was their plan. In my opinion they were all young and dumb. Yet few years later they married and all the roommates were my brother's groomsmen. It took a few years but they got over it. I asked them if I invaded? They told me once in a while but I hung out with all of them in my teens. Plus I called ahead of time. And they didn't feel forced to deal with me. I do think my brother was selfish. But you learn.
I usually agree with you on most things, but on this I heartily disagree. If he's asleep she has no right to be there unless she was specifically invited.
As a person who lived with a few guys who had their girlfriends coming and going all the time when they weren't present it got REALLY irritating when all I wanted was to have a nice afternoon in the house by myself (which RARELY happens when you have 3 roommates) and their girlfriend shows up and wants to 'hang out'. Especially when they spent the night constantly, did their laundry, cooked food, took showers etc. which made ALL of our bills go up. It must be nice living somewhere and not having to pay rent or pitch in for utilities.
I guess this is a sore subject for me and one of the reasons I really hesitate to live with a person who has a boyfriend/girlfriend that isn't actually living there and paying their share.
Girl, I so understand. Once I had a roommate who started seeing some chick and within 2 WEEKS she was practically living in my house. I didn't even know this girl's last name but every time I came home she was there eating our food, drinking our beer, spending the night during the week and barely speaking to the other roommates. The killer was one morning I got up to leave for work (I was the last one out in the morning) and I realized I was not alone... my roomie had left for work but MADE HER A KEY so she could leave when she wanted. No he had not asked us first. They had been dating a month and a week and I still didn't know her last name. When confronted he said that was his girl and he could give her a key if he wanted, and if I changed the locks he would just make her another one. So I had a metro lock installed while he was at work ( the kind where you can't copy a key unless you have a special card). He didn't speak to me for 3 weeks LOL. Did I mention he found this chick through the Village Voice personals and she had a 2 month old daughter she was leaving with her mom to come bang my roomie 5 nights a week? Classy. SMH.
Anyway OP, your boyfriends roommate was totally rude but that's life. Don't concentrate on the delivery so much, but the substance. You may have gotten a little too comfortable at your BF's place. It happens. But you don't have to let it ruin your self esteem, that's just unnecessary. Everybody has embarrassing moments. The billions of people who have come before you have managed to live through theirs for the most part, and you can too.
(to the OP) My opinion is that you should stop spending so much time over there wasting your time drinking and hanging out and use that time to better yourself. Your spelling and grammar are terrible.
You will come out ahead that way. Sounds like that group are losers.
I'm inclined to agree. I've hung out with a wide variety of people while they were drunk, but I've never seen one decent person (by my standards, anyway) get this rude with anyone who wasn't rude to them first, no matter how much alcohol they had.
Yeah, you all like to party together but that does not mean that there are no boundaries. Now you know that there are boundaries, it's up to you to respect them.
Why are you letting your self-esteem take a hit?
Because it's one thing to be called out; quite another to be called out publicly. There's a VERY good reason for the c'mere gesture and a private word. Public displays of this type are immature and in very poor taste, no matter how one has been pushed.
If one hasn't the cojones to confront sober, one shouldn't be confronting at all, most especially in front of others. It reeks of false "courage", it's humiliating and should NEVER be done unless the person to be confronted leaves no choice.
I have a rule. I do NOT under any circumstances go over to a SO/boyfriend/guy I'm datings house if he isn't there, awake and actively involved with the reason why I'm over. I always hated my roommates girlfriends who would come over and hang out, drink our beer and use our utilities without my roommates being there. Ugh.
He may have apologized, but I wouldn't go over there unless your boyfriend is there with you. His roommates have probably been irritated with you coming over for a while but it took some 'liquid courage' to finally say something about it. If the other people there didn't stick up for you, you're not welcome there.
This. There's truth in a bottle of alcohol. People have a way of telling you what they're really thinking deep down. And this guy basically trashed you.
You are known by the company you keep. Your boyfriend has some friends who aren't very nice. Draw your own conclusions from this.
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