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A female poster recently submitted a thread in which she asked what women needed to do to stay out of what you might call the "FWB Zone" and convince men they were worth pursuing more meaningful relationships with. Frankly, I think it has very little to do with what women do or don't do.
In my opinion, many men--and most younger men--actually prefer FWB to real relationships. And in a sense, why wouldn't they? In a FWB situation, a man enjoys all the benefits of a real relationship, but with no strings! FWB is the ultimate win-win, have-my-cake-and-eat-it-too situation, at least from many mens' point of view. In my expereince, FWB is what many men actually want; "real" relationships are just something they sometimes have to settle for.
If I were to give that poster some advice, it would be this: NEVER enter into a FWB arrangement with a man thinking it might grow into "something more." It almost never will. If she presses the issue, he will most likely just dump her and find a new FWB.
When I was single I dated several air traffic controllers and surgeons. I quickly ruled them out because I always had problematic relationships with them.
Air traffic controllers always had huge anger management problems, and surgeons were usually very arrogant, self-centered, argumentative and condescending. No thanks.
Though I can understand that people are only speaking from THEIR (key word..their) experiences, it sure sucks for all the other millions of people who happen to be in said profession.
Meaning, someone dates a cop or two, and had a bad experience, so now EVERY cop must be an a-hole. Someone dates a a surgeon or two, a pilot or two, and has a bad experience, and suddenly every suregon and pilot must be the same, therefore they will NEVER date a pilot or surgeon or cop, etc..etc. again.
Gee, lets switch this around and use race. What if someone said they dated a couple of .....(insert race here) guys and they were a-holes, so they will NEVER date another ..(insert race here) again.
That's just not right. As a black woman, I get tired of hearing that we are all angry and bossy, blah blah. I am ME..not EVERY black woman on the face of the earth. Same thing for my job. People run into a few bad apples in a certain profession, race, etc, and they paint EVERYONE in that race or profession with the same brush. Sheesh im just so tired of these attitudes. There are people in whatever profession that you chose to mention all across the world. You cannot possibly think they are all the same. They are not.
The worst I have ever been treated was by my ex, who was a realtor. Worst relationship I ever had. I suppose I should avoid all realtors now, eh?
I was married to a cop and never EVER again. His personality changed a lot, he became so arrogant, only wanted to hang out with other cops, it really brought out the worst in him. I'm sure there are cops out there who make good boyfriends and husbands, but he soured me on ever dating anyone in that profession again.
I was in the Air Force and the perceptions about military guys used to really disgust me. On the one hand you have the women in those depressing military towns who think we're their meal ticket and a way out of their dead end town. On the other there are the ones who think all military guys are dumb drunks who sleep with anything with a pulse.
Women gripe and complain about "types" yet they line up by the dozens for these guys. I guess they are stuck in their little fantasy world and expect their hero to come and rescue them from their crappy lives but when these guys show that they're actually human and the toll their jobs take on them they become psychos or controlling.
I'll date former military, but not current military. I'm a kind of settled person - I don't want to be with someone who might get transferred across the country. I don't date cops, period. Plenty of nice guys who are cops, but the risks are too great in my view - I'm pretty sure every woman of my acquaintance who has gotten involved with law enforcement has a horror story with regard to that relationship. The odds are just bad, in my view.
Firemen are a big question mark - when I was in my early 20s I hung out at a bar that was popular with the local firefighters. My impressions from watching them were not favorable, but the guys back then were also not much older than I was, and I'm currently not looking to date 20somethings.
As someone who has worked in finance or on its fringes for years, I'm wary of investment bankers and traders. It's a profession that draws a lot of sociopaths and narcissists, though my current corner of the financial world is chock full of some truly decent people.
All of this could be over-ridden by someone who has a truly awesome personality though. Except for the law enforcement issue - that I'm just never going to even consider.
I actually dated a firefighter and he was a nice guy. He did a few things though I didn't like (like once we went out to dinner and he told me I was going to pay AFTER the bill)that caused us to break up but generally pretty cool.
Though I can understand that people are only speaking from THEIR (key word..their) experiences, it sure sucks for all the other millions of people who happen to be in said profession.
Meaning, someone dates a cop or two, and had a bad experience, so now EVERY cop must be an a-hole. Someone dates a a surgeon or two, a pilot or two, and has a bad experience, and suddenly every suregon and pilot must be the same, therefore they will NEVER date a pilot or surgeon or cop, etc..etc. again.
In my case, it wasn't just the persons I dated who informed my decision. What made me draw the conclusions that I did was that I kept meeting others who had had similar experiences. When you date someone, you tend to meet their friends who are also in the same occupation. In speaking to their girlfriends and spouses, I discovered that my experiences were not unique. Also, I'd meet other women from outside those circles who had dated these "types" and they reported the same experiences.
Although it wasn't my intention stereotype, but after having 6 or 7 women telling me they'd had the same negative experiences I'd had, I figured that the personality types that were attracted to those occupations were not compatible with mine.
While there are exceptions, certain occupations do tend to attract particular personality types, i.e., teachers--love learning, like to encourage and help; actors--love attention, big egos; social workers--caring, civic-minded; scientists--introverted, curious, socially awkward; etc.
Engineers. I swear, all but one I've met were robots. Hardcore logical thinkers to the point of coming across as cold! I do seem to attract them a lot though.
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