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Have to say, normally, on threads, I don't share much about personal moments that cause me to have deep pain, (pts moment) and prefer not to elaborate on some situations, but talking in this thread has caused me to relive a couple of moments more deeply than I cared to. It may seem illogical for us to be cautious of strangers we encounter on the street, some are extremely charming, friendly, many with nothing but good intent, but not all. I don't even walk about reliving my bad moments, and still that in and of its self isn't the reason I've spent many a time disliking being hit on, but some of us do have good reasons not to think just because you smile, sound and look like a nice decent man, you indeed are those things. I always give people the benefit of the doubt, but, I'm not going to assume, just because you seem nice you have good or bad intentions toward me based on your opening words of communication. It doesn't mean you shouldn't approach, just means, don't approach with feelings of entitlement. I don't expect others to babysit my feelings nor should you expect that, if you don't have an interest in me, If I'm the approacher, or I don't have an show an interest to talk you, we call it a day; someone else is out there that may appreciate what your selling.
I really don't want men to feel that they should give up on approaching women, that isn't what most are trying to say here, just be polite about a refusal or if a person shows a lack of interest, who knows what that person's day may have been like or even if they just aren't interested, it's their right of refusal. But, many, many women are open to talking with you if you aren't being rude, salacious overly aggressive.
Where do people live, that it's not unusual for complete strangers to talk to a woman this way?
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth
That type of really offensive "approach" (if that's what it is, and not something more like a cat-call), would usually only happen around the seedier parts of downtown. I wouldn't think this was a common thing.
It happens everywhere: in upscale areas and seedy areas; on trains and buses; in movie theaters and libraries; in parks and grocery stores; etc.
Being in a ritzy area is no guarantee that it won't happen. There are low-lifes everywhere. These low-lifes are mostly low SES guys, but there are certainly some successful, educated men who behave this way as well. As long as they think they can get away with it, they do it.
Eh - when I lived in a "not as nice" section of NYC - I would get cat calls, whistles, cars honking, men approaching me, etc. from the time I left my apartment until I got on the subway. Scratch that - it continued even on the subway. I would get the same reaction whether I was dressed nicely or if I was running in an over sized shirt with my hair in pigtails with no make up on. When I moved to a more affluent area - it happened a lot less. Now that I live in the burbs/country outside of the city - it almost never happens. First of all, I live in a very tight knit community - so it would be pretty bizarre for one of my neighbors to whistle at me because I would probably know him... and his wife... and his children.
I think location does play a big factor.
Well, yes. If you live in suburbia and only ever leave your subdivision in a car, you are unlikely to encounter very many strangers who would have the opportunity to harass you. But it is a logical fallacy to conclude from there that people who fit the demographic or socioeconomic profile of your suburb are less likely to act inappropriate toward strangers they encounter elsewhere.
Depending on education and social norms, those inappropriate remarks may be more or less subtly stated (e.g. "exotic beauty" vs. "sexy *****" ), but the objectification behind them does not change.
It happens in upscale areas and seedy areas; on trains and buses; in movie theaters and libraries; in parks and grocery stores; etc. Being in a ritzy area is no guarantee that it won't happen. There are low-lifes everywhere. These low-lifes are mostly low SES guys, but there are certainly some successful, educated men who behave this way as well. As long as they think they can get away with it, they do it.
Indeed, my childhood dentist was arrested, I could tell you about a few doctors, a former city mayor (no won't name names) and others, but people seem to want to justify this type of behavior for their own individual reasons and insecurities.
It doesn't mean you shouldn't approach, just means, don't approach with feelings of entitlement. (...)
I really don't want men to feel that they should give up on approaching women, that isn't what most are trying to say here, just be polite about a refusal or if a person shows a lack of interest, who knows what that person's day may have been like or even if they just aren't interested, it's their right of refusal. But, many, many women are open to talking with you if you aren't being rude, salacious overly aggressive.
Very well stated!
And you're right, a charming and well-mannered man can also be dangerous. If a stranger starts an innocuous conversation, that doesn't mean I'll come home with him, go anywhere alone with him, or get in his car. All it means is that I'll keep an open mind for now, whereas if he started with a pornographic pick-up line, there'd be no chance.
So you can see that it's not just really bad inner city slums. It's everywhere, and often times from friends, relatives and other individuals known to the woman.
So you can see that it's not just really bad inner city slums. It's everywhere, and often times from friends, relatives and other individuals known to the woman.
That article is about ASSAULT/RAPE, not harassment...and more than half by people they knew.
The more I read thread like this the more I think human interaction is overrated.
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