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Honestly, I think it has a lot to do with just the society we live in today and technology. 1) Marriage for most people is not a necessity of survival or economics today. 2) The close connections that can be fostered over the long term are much greater. In my parents' youth, it was easy to lose track of people - heck, my grandmother had a couple of SIBLINGS just disappear from the family. It's almost impossible to do so now. What need have I for someone living with me, when I have constant access to my friends and family via cell phones, facebook, email, etc.
I have reasonable economic comfort, a close-knit social circle and some great family members, interests, hobbies, pets and no desire to have children right now. The only thing missing from my life really is sex, and, well, there are ways one can "make do" on that front. Granted, I'm probably much more at ease being on my own than the average person, having grown up as an only child in an isolated area. But speaking from personal experience, damn right I have high standards. The right relationship could enhance the life I've built, but the wrong one could bring it all crashing down. So I'm gonna be picky, and I'm not going to apologize for it.
Okay, so you are unhappy because you're not in a relationship. If you are in a poor relationship, you'll be less happy, and probably have lowered your standards to be there. So, to be in a relationship that actually increases your overall happiness, you need to maintain certain standards. That restricts the field of candidates, and since everyone is different, finding the right match is a matter of luck and numbers (meeting a lot of potential dates). Many people end up alone for a long time simply because there is no really good way to find any of that small number of good matches. Many do not have the patience to keep looking as hard as they should, either.
I don't know. Personalities don't always click. I had good luck with online dating, but it did take a while.
I think in the day and age of online dating, it should be fairly simple. One of the things I hate about online dating, to me, is one of the things that works.
You are looking through a virtual catalog of people. You can be picky and you can be choosy. If they are not like what they professed to be on their profile you can move along. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
Maybe it is the "struggling" part that is a turnoff. I have been single for 7 years and have had plenty of dates and met many nice (and some very negative) men, and while none have been right for a long term relationship, it has been fun meeting new people. I do not see dating as a struggle, and I hope I never do!
That said, I think the complainers on this board tend to be guarded and bitter and perhaps this is obvious to the people they talk to. Who needs that when the goal is to enjoy someone's company?
This never fails to amaze me that there are people that think like this. I was out with a group of girlfriends from work a few months ago (8 of us) and every single one of us, except for one, was in a serious relationship or marriage with a man that they had met via a dating site. The 8th one is now dating someone that she met online, as well.
I met my current girlfriend online. I was on and off for close to 2 years and honestly, I wouldn't recommend it. I got lucky, and I'm stressing the word lucky, but I just didn't like the experience. My girlfriend and I each discussed our experiences and it was pretty similar. We had been seeing each other for 3 weeks or so and some guys would still text/call, after she had said that she was seeing someone and was no longer interested. You can juggle a lot of potentials online and it usually works in your favor to juggle.
I knew things were serious for me when I was willing to delete my online profile after a week of knowing each other. Before I would just keep it up and leave it idle, because I had a trend of by the 2nd or 3rd date, they weren't as interesting as they once were, or I wasn't as interesting as I led on as well. I spent a decent amount of time going back to the drawing board.
If I had a more positive experience with online dating I would recommend it, but for my area, it was really a tough situation. I dated single moms and single women, and it seemed nothing would really click. If things don't work out in my current relationship, I would think that I would be spending another 3 years single again, just living it up and loving life. I really enjoyed being single, since I could do whatever I wanted with my free time. I can still do what I want to do now; however, I how I spend that free time has changed a bit.
I don't see so much struggling just people pissed at certain dynamics and connotations.
A lot of us are single and content and that dating has different definitions for different people. For some its a casual get to know someone, for some its only if there is a for sure connection before hand and some just liked each other from the get go and only went on dates a formality.
To me dating is up for so much interpretation for different people it never will be really solved.
Honestly, I think it has a lot to do with just the society we live in today and technology. 1) Marriage for most people is not a necessity of survival or economics today. 2) The close connections that can be fostered over the long term are much greater. In my parents' youth, it was easy to lose track of people - heck, my grandmother had a couple of SIBLINGS just disappear from the family. It's almost impossible to do so now. What need have I for someone living with me, when I have constant access to my friends and family via cell phones, facebook, email, etc.
I have reasonable economic comfort, a close-knit social circle and some great family members, interests, hobbies, pets and no desire to have children right now. The only thing missing from my life really is sex, and, well, there are ways one can "make do" on that front. Granted, I'm probably much more at ease being on my own than the average person, having grown up as an only child in an isolated area. But speaking from personal experience, damn right I have high standards. The right relationship could enhance the life I've built, but the wrong one could bring it all crashing down. So I'm gonna be picky, and I'm not going to apologize for it.
This is so true. This is exactly why so many people do remain single. When you can pay your own bills and you live on your own, it is a sense of entitlement if you have never had the desire to be the sole provider. I've never had that desire, so I've been perfectly fine being single and doing what I wanted to do when I did it. For me, it just came a time where I wanted to have something a bit more serious, than just doing everything as a single individual and not sharing any long-term memories with a significant other. I could still have sex and be single, but I was ready for something a little bit more concrete.
It seems that people who do "the best" in the ability to continously get relationships, are the people that relatively don't have a pot to **** in. They need someone who can take care of them and add to their life. For me, I can already cook, clean, iron, pay bills, do laundry, and all the other things that "society" has deemed for women. I'm in no way saying this is all women are good for, but many stay at home mom's do these activities and make sure the kids make it to school and activities. With me having no desire to be a sole provider, I've always been more interested in two people being equal, than her or I financially outweighing the other person significantly. I have some friends in this situation now, and from the outside looking in, it looks a lot like controlling.
I call it the "Nordstrom Rack syndrome." Do they have those all over America? They're Nordstrom's discount clearance stores.
The Nordstrom main store has all the good stuff. In real life, people with a checklist find people who have the same checklist, during the peak mating years, and do so without a discount. They pair up.
Enter the Nordstrom Rack where there are bargains to be found, but you have to look real hard for stuff you will buy. The place is real "random" for lack of a better word. In real life, you then have people with the checklists that are misaligned.
The people who shopped in the Nordstrom main store aren't complaining about the lack of love or a relationship. Those who, for whatever reason, have been relegated to shopping in the Nordstrom Rack are, for the most part, experiencing cognitive dissonance about their prospects, or purchases.
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