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I really find this advice to be illuminating and great. I think my problem is that I did not grow up in a normal environment with female relatives nearby, or any females nearby at all. So when I finally was around women as a young adult (pretty close to being in college), I just didn't know what to say or do. It's still like that. I can talk to female colleagues and coworkers very easily, but when I see someone I find attractive, even though I'm not trying to pick them up or date them, I just shut down. I have this very problem now at the job with a woman who is absolutely stunning. It's frustrating, because I'd like to befriend her. It's kinda tough to see her as an auntie..........
So, get your chat-up training wheels by talking to anyone randomly when you're out and about; all ages, both genders. Just light chit-chat, passing the time, being neighborly. When you get used to that, and comfortable with it, just transfer that skill and ease to women in your target age range. It becomes automatic with enough practice.
And about rejection: if it's just automatic friendliness, there's really not that much out there on the line to be rejected. Someone doesn't respond as you'd hoped? Move on. Potential partners cross your path daily, probably. If you get hung up about one not responding, you'll miss out on the others. Just keep it light and easy. If she seems to respond with interest, keep the convo going. If she stays with it, and you feel like you're getting good feedback, venture a "can I buy you coffee?". Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Some will turn you down, but you can't expect everyone to be a match, that's just not realistic. You don't hit it off with everyone, right? So don't expect everyone to warm up to you. It's a weeding and sorting process, everyone does it. But you can't win if you don't get into the game.
Yes I'm talking specifically to the guys we get who post here and seem completely overwhelmed by the entire male/female dynamic.
There's a lot of them.
For the poster who said "yeah but what about the shy guys having to be the ones who constantly approach"...well that's just the way it is. You are men (theoretically) you have testosterone. It is the man who approaches (hunter), and if you don't like that truth or find it unfair, get a sex change or just quit with the hunting in the first place, and be satisfied with your choices.
Most "shyness" is actually an out of control sense of self. In a room of 100, you assume you are the only uncomfortable/ugly/tonguetied/incompetent one. This is because you spend too much time looking in the mirror and not enough time listening to other people, male female, young old.
A non-shy person merely doesn't care about making a fool of himself.
Yes I'm talking specifically to the guys we get who post here and seem completely overwhelmed by the entire male/female dynamic.
There's a lot of them.
For the poster who said "yeah but what about the shy guys having to be the ones who constantly approach"...well that's just the way it is. You are men (theoretically) you have testosterone. It is the man who approaches (hunter), and if you don't like that truth or find it unfair, get a sex change or just quit with the hunting in the first place, and be satisfied with your choices.
Most "shyness" is actually an out of control sense of self. In a room of 100, you assume you are the only uncomfortable/ugly/tonguetied/incompetent one. This is because you spend too much time looking in the mirror and not enough time listening to other people, male female, young old.
A non-shy person merely doesn't care about making a fool of himself.
A shy person cares too much. That's ego.
It's not all about you.
As a shy guy myself, i have adopted the gym aspect. By going to the gym, more confidence. More confidence = able to speak easier with women. I wouldn't say it's the fact that I am a bad, as you said, hunter. It's just the fact that i tonguetie myself too often and I run out of things to talk about too easily. Not stating i'm a boring individual, i do tons of things, it's just i have always had trouble holding conversations.
I think that's part of the point, no. So you don't get nervous. It's like when you're on stage and you have stage fright, imagine the audience in their underwear.
I think that's part of the point, no. So you don't get nervous. It's like when you're on stage and you have stage fright, imagine the audience in their underwear.
Don't have any aunts. I don't have any female relatives besides my mother, and we certainly don't have talks like I would with a potential date. Never had a female friend either, so I don't know how to talk to women. I just don't bother.
I don't know how to talk to women. I just don't bother.
You're depriving women of the potential pleasure of your company. You talk to women like you would to any other fellow human. Women are humans. A few members here in the past who reached that sudden realization had an epiphany, and suddenly found it simple and effortless to talk to women. Some of you guys make too much of this.
You're depriving women of the potential pleasure of your company. You talk to women like you would to any other fellow human. Women are humans. A few members here in the past who reached that sudden realization had an epiphany, and suddenly found it simple and effortless to talk to women. Some of you guys make too much of this.
Problem isn't talking to women as much as it's knowing what to say to get things past "how's the weather?"
Problem isn't talking to women as much as it's knowing what to say to get things past "how's the weather?"
OK, you have a point. The general advice tends to be, "it's situational. If in the grocery store, ask her about something in her basket. If at the bookstore.... etc. Compliment her on something she's wearing." Sometimes that's all it takes to break the ice.
But what if it isn't enough to break the ice, then what? Sir, you have a good topic for a dedicated thread. You'd be performing a public service if you started a thread on that topic.
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