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I'm a very flirty person by nature and I like to tease people. Like I'll tell one of my female co-workers, "But...why are you so beautiful though? Please explain." Or say, "Our song is on, let's stare into each others eyes and dance slowly." My co-workers know me and they know I like to mess around and be foolish and I'm not hitting on them, but it's like...you can't tease boys who know you the same way. Like I'll tease a male bartender where I work and say pretty much the same things, and then he actually gets the impression that I want to hang out with him after work/am sexually interested whenhe hears me say pretty much the same things to everyone. And act surprised that I'm not interesting in hooking up? Bizarre.
These are all people who know me, so I dungeddid.
Wait how long have you known your coworkers. I'm the same with my female friends and they act that way we know where a joke and playing is and don't take any other way. Do you hang out with them at other places besides work though?
You've missed one key element, Bella: The difference lies in whether or not the man or woman in question is in a position to desire the person flirting with them or not.
I dare say just as many women, approached by a guy in whom they were even passingly interested, would be uncertain whether or not his flirtations were real or horseplay. It's called a sense of hope.
No, I don't think I missed anything. I don't think it's a question of whether he's in a position to desire the person flirting with him. As the OP said, the male co-worker, who she horses around with the same way she horses around with the females, for whatever reason he thinks she's flirting with him. Now, unless he doesn't see the way the OP acts around the female co-workers is an entirely different story.
If you treat me and 10 other people the same exact way every day then how can I assume that you're flirting with me but not with them? I would only consider you as the playful type but not take your antics as flirtations.
Some guys lack the gene that helps them figure out and differentiate what real flirting is apart from just horsin' around. Some guys seem to think that any form of playfulness means we're interested in them. Some guys are just as bright as a box of rocks in a dark room.
Or maybe it means that some guys are not mind readers.
No, I don't think I missed anything. I don't think it's a question of whether he's in a position to desire the person flirting with him. As the OP said, the male co-worker, who she horses around with the same way she horses around with the females, for whatever reason he thinks she's flirting with him. Now, unless he doesn't see the way the OP acts around the female co-workers is an entirely different story.
If you treat me and 10 other people the same exact way every day then how can I assume that you're flirting with me but not with them? I would only consider you as the playful type but not take your antics as flirtations.
You're assuming he doesn't have a thing for her, whether emotional OR at the least, sexually hopeful. Unrealistic, sure; but people (men and women alike) have held out for FAR more unrealistic hopes than hooking up.
I've SEEN and I've even been in a couple of myself -- situations where a guy would joke-flirt with a gal who had that secret longing. He does the same with a dozen others, but each time he does it with her, her eyes light up as though "...this! THIS time is it!" Later he gets scolded for being cruel to her, teasing her, and when someone insists she's longing for him he's taken aback by the notion and then dismisses it: "Naaaaaah, you all are misunderstanding! She's like my kid sister!"
I dare say as many women are missing this "Device of Discernment" as are men, the only real difference being about whom we NOTICE it.
Could it be that these guys feel led on. I mean, would these jokes fly with the gramps, uncles, nephews, sons, priests, monks, whatever taboo male figures one can think of?
There is a fine line between being friendly and joking around uninvitedly.
I tend to joke better with guys because they don't get their feelings hurt or personalize as much when I banter in a way that's tomboyish. Girls who are chill can take jokes like that too. But flirty jokes? It's a no-go in my books, especially if it's not my BF or S.O.
No wrong intended messages or underlying subliminal insinuations here. Gotta draw that line and let people know when it's not okay to cross. I call it "handling" myself.
I'm a very flirty person by nature and I like to tease people. Like I'll tell one of my female co-workers, "But...why are you so beautiful though? Please explain." Or say, "Our song is on, let's stare into each others eyes and dance slowly." My co-workers know me and they know I like to mess around and be foolish and I'm not hitting on them, but it's like...you can't tease boys who know you the same way. Like I'll tease a male bartender where I work and say pretty much the same things, and then he actually gets the impression that I want to hang out with him after work/am sexually interested whenhe hears me say pretty much the same things to everyone. And act surprised that I'm not interesting in hooking up? Bizarre.
These are all people who know me, so I dungeddid.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Urban Sasquatch
You're assuming he doesn't have a thing for her, whether emotional OR at the least, sexually hopeful. Unrealistic, sure; but people (men and women alike) have held out for FAR more unrealistic hopes than hooking up.
I've SEEN and I've even been in a couple of myself -- situations where a guy would joke-flirt with a gal who had that secret longing. He does the same with a dozen others, but each time he does it with her, her eyes light up as though "...this! THIS time is it!" Later he gets scolded for being cruel to her, teasing her, and when someone insists she's longing for him he's taken aback by the notion and then dismisses it: "Naaaaaah, you all are misunderstanding! She's like my kid sister!"
I dare say as many women are missing this "Device of Discernment" as are men, the only real difference being about whom we NOTICE it.
We agree to disagree then because what you're giving an example of is someone who IS interested in the person who is doing the flirting. That's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about someone who assumes that the OP is interested in HIM when she acts no differently with him than she does with her female counterparts. From experience, I can tell you that there were some men who automatically mistook my niceness as flirting with them, especially men in my office. I speak to them and provide guidance to them no differently than when a female collegue approaches me. I invite them into my office and I invite them to sit. There is a male collegue of mine who treats all the females the same. Actually, he treats everyone the same. He has a great sense of humor and speaks very openly. To some girls in the office it comes across as flirting and they giggle like grade school girls when they're in his presence (him being handsome just adds to the whole spectacle). They swoon over him. When I'm sitting in his office just chit chatting and laughing and talking about anything, if one of them comes by and sees this, I can see their expression change. Why? Because the way he treats them is just his fun-loving personality and they think that he is now flirting with me. They don't speak to anyone else in the office the way they do with him.
We agree to disagree then because what you're giving an example of is someone who IS interested in the person who is doing the flirting. That's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about someone who assumes that the OP is interested in HIM when she acts no differently with him than she does with her female counterparts. From experience, I can tell you that there were some men who automatically mistook my niceness as flirting with them, especially men in my office. I speak to them and provide guidance to them no differently than when a female collegue approaches me. I invite them into my office and I invite them to sit. There is a male collegue of mine who treats all the females the same. Actually, he treats everyone the same. He has a great sense of humor and speaks very openly. To some girls in the office it comes across as flirting and they giggle like grade school girls when they're in his presence (him being handsome just adds to the whole spectacle). They swoon over him. When I'm sitting in his office just chit chatting and laughing and talking about anything, if one of them comes by and sees this, I can see their expression change. Why? Because the way he treats them is just his fun-loving personality and they think that he is now flirting with me. They don't speak to anyone else in the office the way they do with him.
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And act surprised that I'm not interesting in hooking up? Bizarre.
