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Three months and this kind of fighting? It does not look worth it to try and save it to me especially the age both are. It is not uncommon to have disagreements but it is uncommon to have those types of disagreements 3 months in and for me a major red flag for the long term.
This. ^^^^
You have a psycho-shrew on your hands. Get rid of her. Like Roger Murtaugh (Danny Glover) in Lethal Weapon, you're too old for this chit.
I was kind of surprised that you and this lady are fighting like this in a 3 mo. old relationship, not a good sign. If she is fighting nasty now, just guess what she will be like if you ever marry her. I think I would confront her in a nice way and tell her how you felt about her method of arguing, and how it made you feel. Depending on her response you will know whether you should continue this relationship.
Location: Moose Jaw, in between the Moose's butt and nose.
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She admitted she doesn't fight fair when "she's under serious stress" and gets "criticized by everyone". All is ok for now, I just am keeping my fingers crossed, since, her being without her own place to live, for at least 1 week, maybe 3, could be, for her a seriously stressful situation. :>(
I say really care for, however, it may be even love on my part. I've only have dated her for just under 3 months, so that's why I'm hesitant to call it that. She however, has used that term (love and in love) towards me.
Seems she really doesn't mean it though, sadly, she's not that young, I'm in my late 40's. She's in her early 50's, old enough, where you think one would know better, especially if one has raised daughters.
We've hit if off very well, but, the few times, we've had disagreements, including a major argument last night, she really gets verbally nasty and I can't be (or wouldn't be thrilled about) being in a long term relationship with someone who does that.
It's like, 2 hockey players, agreeing to fight, and then one has the other one on the ice, but instead of ending it, like the "code" says, just keeps on punching them.
I can handle smoking (as long as one doesn't smell like smoke), I can handle not have 1 thing in common that we are both very passionate about (even though we have several things in common that we like to do), but I can't deal with one who doesn't argue or fight fair.
If you wouldn't say it to your kid or your parent, then don't say it to your SO.
The issue is though, I have deep feelings for her and even though it's just been 3 months, there's been enough invested in it, where I don't want to toss it (some may say, it's been only 3 months, cut your losses and go).
How can I as gentle as possible, say I won't tolerate, at least long term, one who doesn't fight fair?
You have already answered your own question and are wasting your time...
What you are doing is typical of looking for a mate, finding potential and trying to fit them into your ideal situation when they don't really fit...
Or you can marry her and prepare for problems, eventually divorce, and that definitely will not be amicable...
I can't deal with people that argue... If you want to talk, lets talk, if you want to argue, seek a therapist... (or internet bulletin board! LOL )
Location: Moose Jaw, in between the Moose's butt and nose.
5,152 posts, read 8,528,010 times
Reputation: 2038
Quote:
Originally Posted by beenhereandthere
She admitted she doesn't fight fair when "she's under serious stress" and gets "criticized by everyone". All is ok for now, I just am keeping my fingers crossed, since, her being without her own place to live, for at least 1 week, maybe 3, could be, for her a seriously stressful situation. :>(
At the three month point, you should still be easily having a great time together. If not, this is the point in which you break up. It makes no sense to put up with this level of fighting. If a 50 year old woman does not know how to properly handle a disagreement by now, she never will.
How was her stay at your place? I am guessing that it was a disaster.
I say really care for, however, it may be even love on my part. I've only have dated her for just under 3 months, so that's why I'm hesitant to call it that. She however, has used that term (love and in love) towards me.
Seems she really doesn't mean it though, sadly, she's not that young, I'm in my late 40's. She's in her early 50's, old enough, where you think one would know better, especially if one has raised daughters.
We've hit if off very well, but, the few times, we've had disagreements, including a major argument last night, she really gets verbally nasty and I can't be (or wouldn't be thrilled about) being in a long term relationship with someone who does that.
It's like, 2 hockey players, agreeing to fight, and then one has the other one on the ice, but instead of ending it, like the "code" says, just keeps on punching them.
I can handle smoking (as long as one doesn't smell like smoke), I can handle not have 1 thing in common that we are both very passionate about (even though we have several things in common that we like to do), but I can't deal with one who doesn't argue or fight fair.
If you wouldn't say it to your kid or your parent, then don't say it to your SO.
The issue is though, I have deep feelings for her and even though it's just been 3 months, there's been enough invested in it, where I don't want to toss it (some may say, it's been only 3 months, cut your losses and go).
How can I as gentle as possible, say I won't tolerate, at least long term, one who doesn't fight fair?
Just like you said it here. Send her this thread. Hopefully others will chime in too. I personay think if someone pus out the daggers when arguing it is a red flag. I might suggest some sort of education or mediation so that you are both on the same page regarding boundaries in arguments. But, as I said...If she was so bad that you are asking for advice, she may not be the One.
I say really care for, however, it may be even love on my part. I've only have dated her for just under 3 months, so that's why I'm hesitant to call it that. She however, has used that term (love and in love) towards me.
Seems she really doesn't mean it though, sadly, she's not that young, I'm in my late 40's. She's in her early 50's, old enough, where you think one would know better, especially if one has raised daughters.
We've hit if off very well, but, the few times, we've had disagreements, including a major argument last night, she really gets verbally nasty and I can't be (or wouldn't be thrilled about) being in a long term relationship with someone who does that.
It's like, 2 hockey players, agreeing to fight, and then one has the other one on the ice, but instead of ending it, like the "code" says, just keeps on punching them.
I can handle smoking (as long as one doesn't smell like smoke), I can handle not have 1 thing in common that we are both very passionate about (even though we have several things in common that we like to do), but I can't deal with one who doesn't argue or fight fair.
If you wouldn't say it to your kid or your parent, then don't say it to your SO.
The issue is though, I have deep feelings for her and even though it's just been 3 months, there's been enough invested in it, where I don't want to toss it (some may say, it's been only 3 months, cut your losses and go).
How can I as gentle as possible, say I won't tolerate, at least long term, one who doesn't fight fair?
Studies show that couples who fight mean don't last. It's a symptom of divorce-to-come. You're wise not to wade in too deep with this relationship. If you're really into her, insist on counseling to learn fair fighting techniques, as a prerequisite to the relationship going further. If you're not all that into her, well, then.... you know what to do.
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