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I just turned 20 last week, so I am fairly young. My problem is that no matter what, I never seem to get any respect from guys. Or not necessarily respect, I just never seem to matter to guys. Ever.
Okay, so I'm posting about this now because something happened earlier, and it just was a repeat of the exact same situation that I am always in. So I have this friend, he's a guy. We have worked together for a while, and have gotten to know each other. I like him, and I could tell that he likes me. There was this community-type function going on that our boss suggested we go to. So this guy said he'd go, and that he'd like to go with me. So on the day of the function, he tells me he is really sorry, but he can't go with me. His excuse was something about the function being too far, him needing to take care of something, and him having to wake up early the next day. I didn't think much of it, so I wen't with some friends and had a good time. When I went in to work yesterday, I find out that he had spent the entire time hanging out with another female co-worker. He doesn't know that I know this.
So after this, I really felt hurt. This female co-worker has a boyfriend, and a kid, so it's not as if he was hanging out with her because he's interested in her (maybe) but I don't understand why he would blow me off like that. These two are friends. They are always hanging out on breaks. So it's not like he was hanging out with someone he never saw. But, whatever. What really made me mad was the fact that this is something that happens to me all the time.
Whenever I'm in a relationship, I am always unceremoniously dumped by the guy I am seeing, all 4 times. The first two guys were cheating on me with girls they would go on to have deep,meaningful relationships with. The second guy left saying, "It was nice feeling loved by you. Now I can go out and let some other girl know how it feels." And the last one hurt the most. We were together for a year and a half, I thought I had finally found someone great. He was kind, he made me feel special, he always made it clear that he loved me. And then, while I was going through a pretty drastic family crisis, he tells me that he, "no longer wishes to participate." That was it. Haven't heard from him since.
Really, how can I have such bad luck with guys? Whenever I do meet somebody new, they always show interest in me--we talk, we text, we IM on Facebook. But after a while, they either ask me to "hook up" to "send sexy pics" or they just stop talking to me. Aside from my four looser ex-boyfriends, I've not been asked out by anyone. I mean, guys do like me, but they never seem to like me enough to actually make an effort with me.
I honestly don't think there is anything wrong with me. I'm not ugly. I have a nice complexion, I'm very fit, and I make sure I take care of myself. I don't dress provocatively in any way. I've been told by many of my friends that I have a very chic sense of style. I don't sleep around. I am shy, but other than that, I think I have a nice, bubbly personality. So say my friends...
I just don't get it. What am I doing wrong? Is it just luck? I sometimes feel like the only thing I am to guys is someone they can use and objectify. And I know that I can't chalk it up to, "all guys are a$$holes," because they aren't. I know a lot of girls who have incredible boyfriends, and I have a few guy friends that would rather die then ever mistreat their girl. Idk, any suggestions/ideas/thoughts/concerns?
My suggestion is to make a list of the criteria you have for a partner and check it against guys you're interested in or could be interested in.
My idea is that the common denominator in this 'bad luck' is you so it's quite possibe you're attracted to guys who don't respect you. Bit curious as to why were you interested in these guys.
My thought is that if you're looking for respect from a d*ck then look for it in male family members and gay guys as past, present, and potential treatment of women by men don't suggest to me good prospects for men respecting women.
From the other side of the fence I can tell you that you will change greatly over the years as to what you will want in a mate. What you want is someone you can be comfortable with every day if possible. I didn't meet mine until I was 29 years old. We have been married for 40 years in December. Thinking back to the time I was your age I didn't know up from down.
You just have to meet the right person. Consider places other than bars and such gatherings. Maybe even church if you are religious. Obviously you need to be well groomed and clean. There is someone out there for you. And also people are marrying much later than they used to. The guys or girls we were attracted to when we were younger will seem to be poor choices when you have your 20th, and 40th class reunions. You will say to yourself, "what was I thinking?"
Keep in mind that guys your age are primarily interested in one thing. That fades over the years. A good match will be someone you are comfortable with who treats you with respect. The rest will come later. Be patient. And I'll give you one other suggestion. Any girl can find some guy to bed down with. There are no shortage of those guys out there but that's not who you want. Good luck.
BTW, I'm no fan of Facebook and social media sites. I think that is asking for trouble. There are predators out there who scour these sites. And anyone wanting "sexy" pictures is bad news. And remember the old saw that youth is wasted on the young. Time will cure your problem. Patience.
When you say you are shy, does it mean that the man is always having to lead? In other words, do you rely on him to come up wiith things to do, or to initiate discussion, or do you also initiate? Because if you don't, a guy can get pretty fatigued after a while.
I just turned 20 last week, so I am fairly young. My problem is that no matter what, I never seem to get any respect from guys. Or not necessarily respect, I just never seem to matter to guys. Ever.
Okay, so I'm posting about this now because something happened earlier, and it just was a repeat of the exact same situation that I am always in. So I have this friend, he's a guy. We have worked together for a while, and have gotten to know each other. I like him, and I could tell that he likes me. There was this community-type function going on that our boss suggested we go to. So this guy said he'd go, and that he'd like to go with me. So on the day of the function, he tells me he is really sorry, but he can't go with me. His excuse was something about the function being too far, him needing to take care of something, and him having to wake up early the next day. I didn't think much of it, so I wen't with some friends and had a good time. When I went in to work yesterday, I find out that he had spent the entire time hanging out with another female co-worker. He doesn't know that I know this.
So after this, I really felt hurt. This female co-worker has a boyfriend, and a kid, so it's not as if he was hanging out with her because he's interested in her (maybe) but I don't understand why he would blow me off like that. These two are friends. They are always hanging out on breaks. So it's not like he was hanging out with someone he never saw. But, whatever. What really made me mad was the fact that this is something that happens to me all the time.
Whenever I'm in a relationship, I am always unceremoniously dumped by the guy I am seeing, all 4 times. The first two guys were cheating on me with girls they would go on to have deep,meaningful relationships with. The second guy left saying, "It was nice feeling loved by you. Now I can go out and let some other girl know how it feels." And the last one hurt the most. We were together for a year and a half, I thought I had finally found someone great. He was kind, he made me feel special, he always made it clear that he loved me. And then, while I was going through a pretty drastic family crisis, he tells me that he, "no longer wishes to participate." That was it. Haven't heard from him since.
Really, how can I have such bad luck with guys? Whenever I do meet somebody new, they always show interest in me--we talk, we text, we IM on Facebook. But after a while, they either ask me to "hook up" to "send sexy pics" or they just stop talking to me. Aside from my four looser ex-boyfriends, I've not been asked out by anyone. I mean, guys do like me, but they never seem to like me enough to actually make an effort with me.
I honestly don't think there is anything wrong with me. I'm not ugly. I have a nice complexion, I'm very fit, and I make sure I take care of myself. I don't dress provocatively in any way. I've been told by many of my friends that I have a very chic sense of style. I don't sleep around. I am shy, but other than that, I think I have a nice, bubbly personality. So say my friends...
I just don't get it. What am I doing wrong? Is it just luck? I sometimes feel like the only thing I am to guys is someone they can use and objectify. And I know that I can't chalk it up to, "all guys are a$$holes," because they aren't. I know a lot of girls who have incredible boyfriends, and I have a few guy friends that would rather die then ever mistreat their girl. Idk, any suggestions/ideas/thoughts/concerns?
Sorry for the long post.
Eww, that's awful. So sorry to hear that. Eww i can't stand mean people... i just want to give you a big hug, and then go pop these douches in the mouth.
I don't know how old the guys you have dated or are trying to date now, but age does have to do with a lot. I'm 23 now, and let me tell you, the difference I've noticed in maturity in people from when I was 20 to now is ridiculous. Most guys who are around 20 are not looking for anything serious. They're definitely not always ready to settle down. A lot of girls that age are the same.
So I'm sure it's got nothing to do with you, it's just the guys. Like you said, you're young. I'm not a lot older, but I do feel like guys my age, even though it's only 3 years difference, (at least the ones who aren't still in college) are starting to get to where they are actually looking for a committed relationship. I wouldn't sweat it too much now.
Its too small of a sample to make a concrete determination. You need to respect yourself first and foremost. Don't ever get down on yourself because you're not getting the right 'attention' from men. Carry yourself with class and dignity and the rest will fall into place. Become the 'great catch' that you are looking for in a man.
I thought of one other place you might want to consider to meet guys. Try the "Y". It serves both sexes and I would bet the conversations would flow naturally. Any guy wants a girl who takes care of herself and cares for her health.
And one other thing. Don't even think about getting into the drug scene ever or smoke. That's a real turn-off the cigarette breath and smell. Besides it is expensive and will ruin your health. Alcohol only in moderation if at all.
But check out the "Y". Just be yourself.
BTW, here is a tip for any woman. While most, if not all women, have friends, men don't. Not after school. That's why men have such a hard time if they lose their mate in their senior years. It is not that we are anti-social but that is just how it is. Which goes back to why it is important to concentrate on someone who has something between their ears and not elsewhere. Who knows where the next Bill Gates is to be found? While money doesn't necessarily buy happiness, it can buy peace of mind from money woes. That's probably the biggest reason for marriage break-ups. I think 50% of marriages end in divorce. Material things don't mean that much in the long run. You never see a U-Haul backed up to the hearse when someone passes on; not even the very wealthy. In the end we all wind up the same.
I don't know how old the guys you have dated or are trying to date now, but age does have to do with a lot. I'm 23 now, and let me tell you, the difference I've noticed in maturity in people from when I was 20 to now is ridiculous. Most guys who are around 20 are not looking for anything serious. They're definitely not always ready to settle down. A lot of girls that age are the same.
So I'm sure it's got nothing to do with you, it's just the guys. Like you said, you're young. I'm not a lot older, but I do feel like guys my age, even though it's only 3 years difference, (at least the ones who aren't still in college) are starting to get to where they are actually looking for a committed relationship. I wouldn't sweat it too much now.
I completely agree with this. You said that you were 20. Are the guys you are pursuing in the same age range as you? I was a completely different man at 25 than I was at 20. I'm 32 now and have come a long way since 25. Time has a way of doing this to us all. Be patient. Bail on the guys who ask for "sexy pics." A worthwhile man will know that he'll get them when you are ready. Maybe commit to just observing and taking tips and cues from other women for a year or two. Then consider dating guys who are in their mid 20s which would mean a few years older than you. This is not a perfect formula for success, of course as plenty of guys in their mid 20s can be childish. But your odds of meeting a more mature guy are greater in that range.
I just turned 20 last week, so I am fairly young. My problem is that no matter what, I never seem to get any respect from guys. Or not necessarily respect, I just never seem to matter to guys. Ever.
What really made me mad was the fact that this is something that happens to me all the time.
Really, how can I have such bad luck with guys? Whenever I do meet somebody new, they always show interest in me--we talk, we text, we IM on Facebook. But after a while, they either ask me to "hook up" to "send sexy pics" or they just stop talking to me. Aside from my four looser ex-boyfriends, I've not been asked out by anyone. I mean, guys do like me, but they never seem to like me enough to actually make an effort with me.
I honestly don't think there is anything wrong with me. I'm not ugly. I have a nice complexion, I'm very fit, and I make sure I take care of myself. I don't dress provocatively in any way. I've been told by many of my friends that I have a very chic sense of style. I don't sleep around. I am shy, but other than that, I think I have a nice, bubbly personality. So say my friends...
I just don't get it. What am I doing wrong? Is it just luck? Idk, any suggestions/ideas/thoughts/concerns?
No offense but the first thing that came to mind is you probably have a loser personality. That's why you get no respect from guys and they don't want to pursue you further. The looks seem fine but the way you carry yourself probably isn't attractive and you allow yourself to be treated like dooty. Hope that helps.
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