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Have you been abused by a woman, be it your wife, girlfriend, boss, whoever? Is your story untold? Then tell your story for inclusion in a book about a heterosexual relationship in which the woman is abusive to the man and he stays with her anyway.
We are composing a book about men who maintain relationships with women who are abusive to them. The book will consist of true stories gathered from around the world, written by regular folks, just like you.
The objective of this book is personal: to help you recover from your abuse by telling the story instead of holding it in. The purpose is also professional and humanitarian: to help men and women understand themselves and each other better in order to live healthier, happier lives. This book will explore an aspect of human relationships that has been overlooked.
The abuse may be verbal, emotional, physical or financial. For example, the woman may refuse to work, and at the same time, steal the man’s credit card and buy frivolous personal items for herself, regardless of his or her financial means. She may cheat on him and
lie about it. He may catch her but continue the relationship, while she withholds sex for a host of presented reasons. She may berate him verbally for an insignificant social transgression, but be in complete denial of her own mistreatment of him, or justify it in some way. The woman may embarrass the man in public time and time again. Does any of this sound familiar?
Do not suffer in silence! Please get your story told.
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You are not alone. Join the countless other men who have found the courage to overcome their shame of being abused and let your story be heard, once and for all.
Last edited by Keeper; 02-05-2009 at 10:47 AM..
Reason: website not allowed
I am not a man, but just wanted to say, thank you for this....cuz there are so many men who have been abused by women, more then most would believe....the problem with men, is, they find it embarrassing and difficult to talk about....but they should, and your giving them an outlook and a very healthy one.
This post came at a good time for me. By definition, I abuse my husband. I would rather just not be near him at all and spare both of us. But when I have told him I'm leaving, he immediately pulls out the big guns, threatening to hire lawyers to take the children away from me. I don't have any money. He does. He knows he has me there.
As a result, I just hate his guts. He has me stuck here and I hate him for it.
I snap at him quite a bit. When it really gets bad I practically beg him, "Now will you let me go?" but he won't.
I know he hasn't loved me in a long time and it makes me sick. It especially makes me sick when he wants sex. I keep it down to probably once a month. I just can't stand to have some person who forces me to be with him, put his hands all over me. Once in the bluest of blue moons when I'm not hating him as much, I'll let him, and I'll just close my eyes until it's over. He won't do it facing me (sorry for TMI). When he gets to "feeling friendly" he'll "warm me up" by rubbing my shoulder for 30 seconds or a minute before turning me around to take care of him. I know he doesn't want to look at me while we're doing it, because I'm not pretty enough. I'm also not as thin as I was when we first married (though neither is he--he's quite a bit more overweight than I am...250 pounds!). Any time, and I mean any time I ask him to touch me in a non-sexual way...a back rub, snuggle on the couch or whatever--his immediate look before he can mask it is one of disgust, like, "Do I HAVE to touch you?" That's why it sickens me when he wants sex but I have to go through the motions because otherwise he'll have yet one more thing to hold against me.
I'm going away tomorrow for 5 days. I was going to take our youngest child. DH kept saying, "Oh no, leave both the kids with me, you deserve some time to yourself," which is true. He's gone 12 hours a day during which the children are all mine, and also on occasional evenings for work so there are whole days when he doesn't see his children at all, and this past June he went away to the north of the state for an annual fishing trip and I had the kids alone then too. But when I finally said okay, I'd leave both kids home instead of taking the baby, and well, lo and behold, now DH is "sick". He's lying there sighing VERY loudly, trying to get my attention...first he did it all morning. I brushed past him and went about my way...getting my middle son to a developmental assessment. When we got home, of course DH got quickly off his computer and lay down on the couch (akin to a child scuttling under the covers when he hears the parents' footsteps approaching) and started the heavy sighing, I mean like 10 or 15 times.
What was expected of me was that I would anticipate his needs without him having to ask and that I would hurry to do everything in my power to make him feel good.
But of course I was having flashes of how *he* treats *me* when I need something from him. The disgust, the feeling sickened just to come near me (except when horniness prevails and free porn sites aren't enough). So finally I snapped at him, "Okay, so you want me to take the baby along (on my trip) after all?" because obviously with him "so sick," he was trying to wiggle out of having to have both of the children.
So he GOES OFF on how I "attack" him "all the time" and yadda yadda. I finally said, "I can't do this", meaning our whole relationship, but I said it hopelessly and desperately, because I know I can not leave, or he will, as he has promised, "take the kids away from (me) and make (my) life a living hell."
So yes. I do abuse him. I HATE him. He makes my life miserable. I hate him!!! I don't *want* to abuse him. What I want is for him to go away!!!! But my hatred comes out and I abuse him. Last weekend I screamed and yelled at him for tracking dirt onto the kitchen floor like 10 times (for me to clean up) and for making messes here, there and everywhere. But I mean I was yelling, just tearing into him about how I couldn't stand cleaning up after slobs any more and being treated like a maid. Meanwhile he managed to do one load of dishes and to "do the laundry", which meant he folded everyone's laundry...but mine. In all the years that I've done his laundry no matter what, the one time every six months or so that he'll at least partially do the laundry, he refuses to do mine. He just leaves it there and kind of smirks. And yes, I do take off on him...but I don't want to. I just want him to go away!!!
I would love to take myself away from the situation but I don't want to lose my children. So I abuse. I abuse to CLAW my way back at someone who attacks my self-esteem about every 10 minutes, who looks at me with a sneer of disgust and threatens to tear my children away if I escape. I HATE WHO I AM with him. I AM an abuser with him and I HATE IT. I hate who I am married to this man! But I can't go or my children will be gone and I'd rather die. I'd almost even rather keep doing what I'm doing. But it's not like I don't think about dying sometimes...just anything to get the hell away.
Sorry to spill. I wasn't expecting to spill about any of this. I might not be on much for a few days b/c I have so much to do to prepare for this trip. But when I saw the "abused husbands" theme I just had to say something. Some abusers don't want to abuse. Some do it because the person won't stop hurting them and insulting them and treating them like they're a worthless pile of crap who is lucky to have them. And won't let them leave. I hate it...I hate all of this.
After the whole episode today with him telling me I attack him, I said I'm sick of him playing the victim...doing ridiculous cr*p waiting to see my response, and when I do respond, he lies there and cries about how mean I am to him. He told me that, no, *I'm* the one who plays victim. So told him I just don't want to do this and I opened my mouth to say "PLEASE PLEASE just let me go...please let me go and don't take my children away" but I bit my tongue because he never listens to that. It doesn't serve him in any way and he can't concentrate as much on racking up as many points as possible about what a bad person I am. I don't understand why he hates me this much but WILL NOT let me go.
I am so glad I'm going away for a few days. If my children weren't out here, I'd never come back. Literally. I would leave...and never look back.
This post came at a good time for me. By definition, I abuse my husband. I would rather just not be near him at all and spare both of us. But when I have told him I'm leaving, he immediately pulls out the big guns, threatening to hire lawyers to take the children away from me. I don't have any money. He does. He knows he has me there.
As a result, I just hate his guts. He has me stuck here and I hate him for it.
I snap at him quite a bit. When it really gets bad I practically beg him, "Now will you let me go?" but he won't.
I know he hasn't loved me in a long time and it makes me sick. It especially makes me sick when he wants sex. I keep it down to probably once a month. I just can't stand to have some person who forces me to be with him, put his hands all over me. Once in the bluest of blue moons when I'm not hating him as much, I'll let him, and I'll just close my eyes until it's over. He won't do it facing me (sorry for TMI). When he gets to "feeling friendly" he'll "warm me up" by rubbing my shoulder for 30 seconds or a minute before turning me around to take care of him. I know he doesn't want to look at me while we're doing it, because I'm not pretty enough. I'm also not as thin as I was when we first married (though neither is he--he's quite a bit more overweight than I am...250 pounds!). Any time, and I mean any time I ask him to touch me in a non-sexual way...a back rub, snuggle on the couch or whatever--his immediate look before he can mask it is one of disgust, like, "Do I HAVE to touch you?" That's why it sickens me when he wants sex but I have to go through the motions because otherwise he'll have yet one more thing to hold against me.
I'm going away tomorrow for 5 days. I was going to take our youngest child. DH kept saying, "Oh no, leave both the kids with me, you deserve some time to yourself," which is true. He's gone 12 hours a day during which the children are all mine, and also on occasional evenings for work so there are whole days when he doesn't see his children at all, and this past June he went away to the north of the state for an annual fishing trip and I had the kids alone then too. But when I finally said okay, I'd leave both kids home instead of taking the baby, and well, lo and behold, now DH is "sick". He's lying there sighing VERY loudly, trying to get my attention...first he did it all morning. I brushed past him and went about my way...getting my middle son to a developmental assessment. When we got home, of course DH got quickly off his computer and lay down on the couch (akin to a child scuttling under the covers when he hears the parents' footsteps approaching) and started the heavy sighing, I mean like 10 or 15 times.
What was expected of me was that I would anticipate his needs without him having to ask and that I would hurry to do everything in my power to make him feel good.
But of course I was having flashes of how *he* treats *me* when I need something from him. The disgust, the feeling sickened just to come near me (except when horniness prevails and free porn sites aren't enough). So finally I snapped at him, "Okay, so you want me to take the baby along (on my trip) after all?" because obviously with him "so sick," he was trying to wiggle out of having to have both of the children.
So he GOES OFF on how I "attack" him "all the time" and yadda yadda. I finally said, "I can't do this", meaning our whole relationship, but I said it hopelessly and desperately, because I know I can not leave, or he will, as he has promised, "take the kids away from (me) and make (my) life a living hell."
So yes. I do abuse him. I HATE him. He makes my life miserable. I hate him!!! I don't *want* to abuse him. What I want is for him to go away!!!! But my hatred comes out and I abuse him. Last weekend I screamed and yelled at him for tracking dirt onto the kitchen floor like 10 times (for me to clean up) and for making messes here, there and everywhere. But I mean I was yelling, just tearing into him about how I couldn't stand cleaning up after slobs any more and being treated like a maid. Meanwhile he managed to do one load of dishes and to "do the laundry", which meant he folded everyone's laundry...but mine. In all the years that I've done his laundry no matter what, the one time every six months or so that he'll at least partially do the laundry, he refuses to do mine. He just leaves it there and kind of smirks. And yes, I do take off on him...but I don't want to. I just want him to go away!!!
I would love to take myself away from the situation but I don't want to lose my children. So I abuse. I abuse to CLAW my way back at someone who attacks my self-esteem about every 10 minutes, who looks at me with a sneer of disgust and threatens to tear my children away if I escape. I HATE WHO I AM with him. I AM an abuser with him and I HATE IT. I hate who I am married to this man! But I can't go or my children will be gone and I'd rather die. I'd almost even rather keep doing what I'm doing. But it's not like I don't think about dying sometimes...just anything to get the hell away.
Sorry to spill. I wasn't expecting to spill about any of this. I might not be on much for a few days b/c I have so much to do to prepare for this trip. But when I saw the "abused husbands" theme I just had to say something. Some abusers don't want to abuse. Some do it because the person won't stop hurting them and insulting them and treating them like they're a worthless pile of crap who is lucky to have them. And won't let them leave. I hate it...I hate all of this.
After the whole episode today with him telling me I attack him, I said I'm sick of him playing the victim...doing ridiculous cr*p waiting to see my response, and when I do respond, he lies there and cries about how mean I am to him. He told me that, no, *I'm* the one who plays victim. So told him I just don't want to do this and I opened my mouth to say "PLEASE PLEASE just let me go...please let me go and don't take my children away" but I bit my tongue because he never listens to that. It doesn't serve him in any way and he can't concentrate as much on racking up as many points as possible about what a bad person I am. I don't understand why he hates me this much but WILL NOT let me go.
I am so glad I'm going away for a few days. If my children weren't out here, I'd never come back. Literally. I would leave...and never look back.
Wow, JerZ- I'm just so sorry. I don't understand, though, why you consider yourself an abuser based upon what you wrote.
I have the perfect candidate for you. He is physically abused as well as verbally abused on a daily basis. He just doesn't have the spine to leave. I could on and on. But its not my relationship and he is a friend.
I just shake my head and wonder why. It is very sad.
my son is being abused and used, and it kills me. It tears me up, and yet, I am so angry with him and can't help but ponder what is wrong with him, and why he thinks he deserves so little.
Even though my husbands were abusive to me, and this is the truth....they loved my son very much and were very good to him. They were not abusive towards me, when he was around....
but his father is very passive...and loaded...and the woman he married was not only abusive but a gold digger. She is very much like my DIL. And they loath each other. But there has never been a blow up. I know my son's father fears, she will do to them, what she has done to me. So, they allow her to bully them. And she is a bully, like my son's step mother. Do you know, to this day, she will do anything she can to upset me. Or try. When we see each other for instance the last time....she said..."When you were down there", I'll call my DIL Chisty, "Did Christy work" (my DIL can work whenever she wants) My son's step mother then proceeds to say, "She did while we were there and we had your grand-daughter all day to ourselves". Now she thinks that cuts me up. It doesn't, What infuriates me, is the venium behind her comments. And she does this sort of thing all the time...just to push you over the edge...she is very mean....and yet, do you want to know the irony in all of this. Both her and my DIL go to church, faithfully??????
My son went to live with his father when he was in 10th grade. I thought I was doing what was best for him...I thought at the time, he needed the influence of a male image...and, at that time in his life, was his father's turn to influence him? I was wrong, I think, I should have allowed him to go back, perhaps only for the full summer...and required him to come back home in the winter to finish school. I believe in my heart, the fact that he married such a cruel woman, is my fault. I knew his step mother was abusive, but never realized it would affect him, as he was very tall, and an understanding person...he seemed very wise, but....he was just a child. And i will never forgive myself for allowing him to live there full time.
He married his step mother...
We had talks now and then, about marriage and I used to say..."Marry someone who has goals, who is not looking to be taken care of....and investigate their background, make certain, they didn't come from a dysfunctional family." Well, he didn't so that, and all we know about this woman's mother is that she made a living out of marrying men, weathy men, and then divorced them and took them for everything they had. She lived very well...and never had to work. She was also a label buyer and couldn't function without diamonds and label cloths.
Abuse, in any form....is wrong...and I cannot believe that my son is in denial...and doesn't even notice that she is screaming at him. How can that be possible?
His step mother was like that...and his father, just shrugs it off. We have a mutual friend, since childhood...and he tells me, he hates to go over there when she is around.
On the other hand, my DIL is so calculating, a male friend of my son's helped them move and when we bumped into each other, he told me my son is a lucky man. That he has a beautiful wife. Well, let me tell you, she is absolutely georgeous...and I know that is all my son saw and fell in love with.
She likes what he has to offer him, but is very unappreciative for what he does for her. He works 3 jobs....she doesn't work at all now...and when she does, she spends more then she makes. I know, it is none of my business...and I have cut them both off.
I don't like they way my son has treated me over this whole thing. I can understand why....and I can also understand why she is intimidated by me and anyone else who dares to enter into her little world.....but...my son knows me very well...and knows I wouldn't have done anything to interfer...and also, he has never talked to me the way he has over the past 10 years. I know he has to blame someone, and I was his punching bag...but, I won't allow him back into my life, unless he goes for major counseling...and I mean, for at least a year or two. I've also heard from other people that he is becoming short tempered and impatient.
I love him, with all my heart....he was and still is the light of my life....I'm just wondering, what he did, that was so terrible, that he feels he deserves so little? He was such a people magnet...everyone loved him....all his friends, and he had many, boys and girls, used to come to the house and tell me, what a great friend he was?
I'm just in awe what we human beings will do for love....and it isn't love at all. It is very sad. If only "we" would all realize, the effects our actions, words and decissions, have on our children?????
Creme
Last edited by cremebrulee; 10-13-2007 at 06:32 AM..
This post came at a good time for me. By definition, I abuse my husband. I would rather just not be near him at all and spare both of us. But when I have told him I'm leaving, he immediately pulls out the big guns, threatening to hire lawyers to take the children away from me. I don't have any money. He does. He knows he has me there.
As a result, I just hate his guts. He has me stuck here and I hate him for it.
I snap at him quite a bit. When it really gets bad I practically beg him, "Now will you let me go?" but he won't.
I know he hasn't loved me in a long time and it makes me sick. It especially makes me sick when he wants sex. I keep it down to probably once a month. I just can't stand to have some person who forces me to be with him, put his hands all over me. Once in the bluest of blue moons when I'm not hating him as much, I'll let him, and I'll just close my eyes until it's over. He won't do it facing me (sorry for TMI). When he gets to "feeling friendly" he'll "warm me up" by rubbing my shoulder for 30 seconds or a minute before turning me around to take care of him. I know he doesn't want to look at me while we're doing it, because I'm not pretty enough. I'm also not as thin as I was when we first married (though neither is he--he's quite a bit more overweight than I am...250 pounds!). Any time, and I mean any time I ask him to touch me in a non-sexual way...a back rub, snuggle on the couch or whatever--his immediate look before he can mask it is one of disgust, like, "Do I HAVE to touch you?" That's why it sickens me when he wants sex but I have to go through the motions because otherwise he'll have yet one more thing to hold against me.
I'm going away tomorrow for 5 days. I was going to take our youngest child. DH kept saying, "Oh no, leave both the kids with me, you deserve some time to yourself," which is true. He's gone 12 hours a day during which the children are all mine, and also on occasional evenings for work so there are whole days when he doesn't see his children at all, and this past June he went away to the north of the state for an annual fishing trip and I had the kids alone then too. But when I finally said okay, I'd leave both kids home instead of taking the baby, and well, lo and behold, now DH is "sick". He's lying there sighing VERY loudly, trying to get my attention...first he did it all morning. I brushed past him and went about my way...getting my middle son to a developmental assessment. When we got home, of course DH got quickly off his computer and lay down on the couch (akin to a child scuttling under the covers when he hears the parents' footsteps approaching) and started the heavy sighing, I mean like 10 or 15 times.
What was expected of me was that I would anticipate his needs without him having to ask and that I would hurry to do everything in my power to make him feel good.
But of course I was having flashes of how *he* treats *me* when I need something from him. The disgust, the feeling sickened just to come near me (except when horniness prevails and free porn sites aren't enough). So finally I snapped at him, "Okay, so you want me to take the baby along (on my trip) after all?" because obviously with him "so sick," he was trying to wiggle out of having to have both of the children.
So he GOES OFF on how I "attack" him "all the time" and yadda yadda. I finally said, "I can't do this", meaning our whole relationship, but I said it hopelessly and desperately, because I know I can not leave, or he will, as he has promised, "take the kids away from (me) and make (my) life a living hell."
So yes. I do abuse him. I HATE him. He makes my life miserable. I hate him!!! I don't *want* to abuse him. What I want is for him to go away!!!! But my hatred comes out and I abuse him. Last weekend I screamed and yelled at him for tracking dirt onto the kitchen floor like 10 times (for me to clean up) and for making messes here, there and everywhere. But I mean I was yelling, just tearing into him about how I couldn't stand cleaning up after slobs any more and being treated like a maid. Meanwhile he managed to do one load of dishes and to "do the laundry", which meant he folded everyone's laundry...but mine. In all the years that I've done his laundry no matter what, the one time every six months or so that he'll at least partially do the laundry, he refuses to do mine. He just leaves it there and kind of smirks. And yes, I do take off on him...but I don't want to. I just want him to go away!!!
I would love to take myself away from the situation but I don't want to lose my children. So I abuse. I abuse to CLAW my way back at someone who attacks my self-esteem about every 10 minutes, who looks at me with a sneer of disgust and threatens to tear my children away if I escape. I HATE WHO I AM with him. I AM an abuser with him and I HATE IT. I hate who I am married to this man! But I can't go or my children will be gone and I'd rather die. I'd almost even rather keep doing what I'm doing. But it's not like I don't think about dying sometimes...just anything to get the hell away.
Sorry to spill. I wasn't expecting to spill about any of this. I might not be on much for a few days b/c I have so much to do to prepare for this trip. But when I saw the "abused husbands" theme I just had to say something. Some abusers don't want to abuse. Some do it because the person won't stop hurting them and insulting them and treating them like they're a worthless pile of crap who is lucky to have them. And won't let them leave. I hate it...I hate all of this.
After the whole episode today with him telling me I attack him, I said I'm sick of him playing the victim...doing ridiculous cr*p waiting to see my response, and when I do respond, he lies there and cries about how mean I am to him. He told me that, no, *I'm* the one who plays victim. So told him I just don't want to do this and I opened my mouth to say "PLEASE PLEASE just let me go...please let me go and don't take my children away" but I bit my tongue because he never listens to that. It doesn't serve him in any way and he can't concentrate as much on racking up as many points as possible about what a bad person I am. I don't understand why he hates me this much but WILL NOT let me go.
I am so glad I'm going away for a few days. If my children weren't out here, I'd never come back. Literally. I would leave...and never look back.
JerZ - Not to highjack the thread, but.....YOU are being emotionally and psychologically abused by your husband (been there, done that, got the t-shirt). Seek out a domestic violence center near you or a therapist in your area and seek out a divorce attorney who will give you a free initial consultation. What you are living through now is not good for you or your children. I won't say more because I don't want to get off-topic - feel free to DM me if you'd like - you DO NOT have to live this way. ( go to //www.city-data.com/forum/relat...here-love.html and //www.city-data.com/forum/relat...wned-i-am.html to read about someone who has survived )
pbfh01 - I know men who were abused by women and will encourage them to go to your website.
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But it's not like I don't think about dying sometimes...just anything to get the hell away.
