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This is kind of like a 2 part issue. I know the situation is not ideal, but I will follow it to see how it goes. I've met this guy and he is like the epitome of all that I find attractive in a man. He is full of ambition and currently working on his BA. He seems very genuine. I've only known him a short while so I'm still learning about him and loving that process. And he is soo attractive to me. Tall and handsome. His voice makes me melt. From what I know he seems pretty direct. I even mentioned this to him and he said he is always direct to prevent any misunderstandings.
I met the guy at my new job. Almost immediately there seemed to be a little spark, but I was completely oblivious to it. He is not generally the type of guy I attract. So after a few weeks of working closely with him and him chatting me up, I took the plunge and gave him my number and told him to text me. He seemed surprised as was I, lol. I have never offered my number to a guy, so I'm stepping outside my box on this one. Since that point we pretty much talk every day.
Issue 1: I can't tell if this guy really likes me. I feel really insecure about the whole thing. In a roundabout way he told me that he wanted me to sit with him and his friends on breaks at work. He said this in front of his friends and I told him I didn't want to interrupt their "man talk" lol. They all said oh no you should sit with us. We don't talk about anything disrespectful. So now we sit together. I am the only female and I feel like my presence is hindering the conversation. There have been other hints such as asking twice if I was single, he stares and smiles at me all the time, and just our general phone conversation. In any event I think I have adequately shown an interest in him and so the ball is for the most part in his court. He seems very slow and methodical and I can't help but feel he is sizing me up. We have only been talking a few weeks. He is a single parent and it's hard for him to find time for dates between work, school, and parenting. At least that is the conclusion I have drawn, lol. I asked him if he wanted to go grab dinner, but he had to pick his DD up from daycare.
Issue 2: (Cue scary music) my ex also works at my current job. In fact we all work very closely together and are in close contact all day long. Me and the ex were together 7 years (married 2) and it didn't end well. It's been 2 years since the break up and we don't communicate outside of work. We are on friendly terms now. There are no lingering feelings on my part and as far as I know there were none on his. The new guy has to talk to the ex and consult with him about various things daily. I feel really uncomfortable with the fact that new guy doesn't know that he is talking to my ex. I want to tell him, but I don't know how to and I feel like that maybe he will feel that will be too much drama for him to want to deal with. I also feel like the ex is going to let something slip and I would rather new guy find out from me. Plus new guy has asked questions about my past and it's kind of hard to discuss it with him considering my ex is usually standing close by. The company we work for is huge and very few people know we were together.
The thing is it's been a long time, 2 years in fact, since I felt any kind of connection with any man. I'm just really worried about messing what could be potentially a good thing up. If it makes any difference we are all between the ages of 25 and 30.
Can you go out for lunch with the new guy and let him know about your ex? I think that this needs to be made clear to him asap. Or perhaps you could call him at home some evening, rather than texting him - set it up in advance, so his child will be fed and tucked in bed - but just clear the air on this point. Otherwise, it's likely to become more and more uncomfortable at work and he's going to feel as if he was kept out of the loop and may have done or said things that might not otherwise have occurred or been spoken.
If nothing else, write him a letter and give him a heads-up to be on the lookout for it. Use his home address, of course...
The only reason the situation is weird is because YOU know you have feelings for this new guy, but he and the ex and fairly oblivious.
You've done what you can to indicate that you're interested. Now you need to back off and let him indicate his interest in you. Most of the guys on this forum swear that a man will definitely let you know if he's interested.
Just keep being normal and being friends. Try to find somewhere else to take your breaks at least 2 or 3 days a week. You don't want to become one of the guys.
Plus, the fact that he's a single dad means you have to be VERY respectful of his child and back way off. Give him lots of room.
Don't write him a letter or anything awkward about your ex. Just tell him in one of your friendly conversations. It is not a minor detail, and "hiding" it won't make the news any better. Your main job, though, should be not to let your self obsess over this guy and focus on work.
Hmm...I'm not sure this is a good idea at all considering you are coworkers...but anyway, if I were you I'd just back off and see if this dream guy actually asks you out. Are you certain he is interested in you in a romantic way? I wouldn't mention the ex at this point...it's not like you and this new guy are actually dating, and if you're not 100% certain he is interested then it might be really awkward to just put that out there out of the blue. I think I'd just keep chatting with him and see where it went.
I am fairly certain he is interested in me, but I could be wrong. We have already talked a little bit about exes and it would have been the perfect time to tell him about mine, but I was too nervous at that point. I did tell him that I didn't like sitting with him and his friends because I felt like I was budding in. He said not to worry and sit with him and if something was wrong he would let me know. The reason I started sitting with him was because he said we didn't talk enough. My schedule is hectic too. I'm a full time student in the day time and I have a full time job at night and a part time job on the weekends. I still have friends and family, so my life is full. He is not my main focus, but it's nice to have a little bit of a love interest.
The new guy is not going all in. What a woos. The pastures must be greener than the one he represents. Sit down with my work friends and have a chat over lunch? Either he's afraid to say, "no I'm sorry, but I'm not interested"; or he's a coward; or he is deathly fearful of relationships. Which motive best suits you to keep your hopes alive?
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. Almost immediately there seemed to be a little spark, but I was completely oblivious to it. He is not generally the type of guy I attract. So after a few weeks of working closely with him and him chatting me up, I took the plunge and gave him my number and told him to text me. He seemed surprised as was I, lol. I have never offered my number to a guy, so I'm stepping outside my box on this one. Since that point we pretty much talk every day.
