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Old 11-11-2012, 12:07 PM
 
Location: Surf city, NC
17,379 posts, read 10,865,512 times
Reputation: 11669

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OK, here it goes some of you here know my story & the fact I've been divorced for just over two years.
And that I have been dating this women for about 5 months now. Like some here who have more then one bad relationship I've had one that didn't work out between my marriage & the women I am seeing now. That last one went for about a year. So onto my question. I tend to worry some here & there about things not going right, I've read different sites on the subject, etc. Has anyone done this if so how did you get over it? I will say this I've had no reason to worry about things with this women I am dating now & to be honest.. it sort of scares me. Sure we've had a couple of scares here & there we both withheld some information abut ourselves waiting until we felt more comfortable with the other. In the end everything is going great! I work & I get out & go hiking ,etc but those down times kill me.


So why am I worrying?? If you've been though this I could use your advice please.
For the record I know this isn't a good thing to be doing even more so in a new realtionship. Which is why I want to stop doing it.
Thanks in advance.
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Old 11-11-2012, 02:21 PM
 
Location: Australia
4,004 posts, read 5,650,800 times
Reputation: 6816
It sounds like you are the worrying type.

Personally I haven't worried about anything for years...I don't know if it's particularly healthy but I just go into a Scarlett O'Hara type of denial, "I will think about that tomorrow".

Works for me.

If you are worrying about anything excessively, it's a big problem as it can rule your life. It turns into anxiety.

I think you need some treatment to help you dial it back in general, not just in this situation. Maybe some therapy or an anti-depressant or some lifestyle changes or a combination of the above.

You definitely need to learn to cope better with First World problems. 95% of the world's population doesn't have enough food for their children, I'd say thats a worry worthy problem.

Not something that may or may not happen in the future with a woman.

That's just kinda trite and you need to get your feelings into perspective.

It'll either work out or it won't, your worrying won't alter a damn thing. Except to prevent you enjoying yourself, which in itself will likely ruin the relationship.
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Old 11-11-2012, 02:50 PM
 
14,743 posts, read 30,374,507 times
Reputation: 8861
Quote:
Originally Posted by MsAnnThrope View Post
It sounds like you are the worrying type.

If you are worrying about anything excessively, it's a big problem as it can rule your life. It turns into anxiety.
I'd say this is about right. Some people just have personalities that worry about, and over-analyze, everything, most things, or some things. Then, just as a person stops worrying about a thing they worried about, that area of someone's life will work out.

Yes, it can definitely limit one in life, so they need to get a handle on it. Disagree on how the psych/shrink would work, though. They'll get your money, that's for sure, but they may not be of much benefit. I think you can overcome a lot of it through self-diagnostics of what the deal is, for starters, and then learn not to give a rat's ass.

As for me, I worry less than I used to about things ... but I now analyze things even more, so I'm sort of screwed that way.
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Old 11-11-2012, 03:19 PM
 
Location: Copenhagen, Denmark
10,923 posts, read 9,918,834 times
Reputation: 13058
Get busy; get out as much as you can and you won't have time or reason to worry. The secret to finding the next wife is to go out with as many women as possible in as short a time as possible. It's all in the numbers! She's out there...somewhere.
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Old 11-11-2012, 03:22 PM
 
601 posts, read 696,667 times
Reputation: 363
Actually, this is quite normal for recent divorcee..
Nothing wrong with enganging women ..just take care of YOU for now
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Old 11-11-2012, 07:44 PM
 
Location: Surf city, NC
17,379 posts, read 10,865,512 times
Reputation: 11669
Ok Not sure who sent me a message saying I need God but I would like to ask you to mind your own bussiness. Thank you!.
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Old 11-11-2012, 07:56 PM
 
16,108 posts, read 21,755,310 times
Reputation: 26531
You are having some trust issues...Normal if you've had a crappy relationship where you lost trust. You also may be afraid because as you said, it is a good relationship. You maybe never had good, so you are waiting for the other foot to drop...and possibly being a controlling type, are looking for reason for it to drop.
You said....You have had two relationships since your divorce, the last one a year...and you've only been divorced for two years...They (professionals) recommend that you not get into a serious relationship for two years, because of unfinished issues...better known as baggage. I would recommend counseling, talk therapy can help us explore the many reasons for things, give us some coping skills...help us realize what is, is not worth trying to control. Sounds almost like you have nothing to control, so you are sort of freaking yourself out, cause you have forgotten what normal feels like...and then normal feels weird...So, go to a therapist..find someone who has experience w/ codependency issues as well. It can only help you. Good luck
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Old 11-11-2012, 08:09 PM
 
14,743 posts, read 30,374,507 times
Reputation: 8861
Quote:
Originally Posted by reed067 View Post
Ok Not sure who sent me a message saying I need God but I would like to ask you to mind your own bussiness. Thank you!.
Agreed, reed. All kinds of unwanted opinions via reps. I'm taking a break from Catholicism and some of the more conservative old-line Catholics on Religions are mad at me. This is a situation where the practical and the psychological OVERRIDE the spiritual.
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Old 11-11-2012, 08:21 PM
 
Location: Surf city, NC
17,379 posts, read 10,865,512 times
Reputation: 11669
Quote:
Originally Posted by robertpolyglot View Post
Agreed, reed. All kinds of unwanted opinions via reps. I'm taking a break from Catholicism and some of the more conservative old-line Catholics on Religions are mad at me. This is a situation where the practical and the psychological OVERRIDE the spiritual.

I got my own belifes as well but reping me so I can be preached too????
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Old 11-11-2012, 08:26 PM
 
Location: Pa
42,762 posts, read 47,396,195 times
Reputation: 25256
If you are a Cancer or Virgo you will no doubt worry a lot.
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