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Old 11-15-2012, 12:21 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
49,932 posts, read 59,754,614 times
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When kids are involved, everything becomes a much bigger deal.
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Old 11-15-2012, 12:45 PM
 
36,226 posts, read 30,664,456 times
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So what is the deal with the custody arrangement?
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Old 11-15-2012, 12:50 PM
 
5,472 posts, read 7,592,324 times
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We arent doomed, but you just might be. Thats what you get for dating a single mom. Better get used to it now, because that is what your future is going to look like. Also, get used to never being this womans priority. You will never be more than second most important thing in her life. If you take on the baggage, better be ready to handle it.
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Old 11-15-2012, 01:02 PM
 
36,226 posts, read 30,664,456 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ascension2012 View Post
We arent doomed, but you just might be. Thats what you get for dating a single mom. Better get used to it now, because that is what your future is going to look like. Also, get used to never being this womans priority. You will never be more than second most important thing in her life. If you take on the baggage, better be ready to handle it.
I hear guys say "you will never be #1" but when a couple has a child of their own, in most situations, that child become #1. And usually your wife will be paying much more attention to that child, at least for awhile, than she will you. So it dosent really matter. If you want to always be #1, dont ever have children.

It can be very challenging trying to blend families, adopt or foster and takes a special type of person to do so.
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Old 11-15-2012, 01:18 PM
 
Location: Middle of the valley
48,436 posts, read 34,627,532 times
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Why does someone else have temporary custody? How far away did she move from her children to move in with a guy she's known a couple months? How often does she see them? Does she work?
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Old 11-15-2012, 01:21 PM
 
1,304 posts, read 2,570,314 times
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Why doesn't she have full custody? That isn't a good look to me. Not a good sign for her mother skills.
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Old 11-15-2012, 01:22 PM
 
5,472 posts, read 7,592,324 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 2mares View Post
I hear guys say "you will never be #1" but when a couple has a child of their own, in most situations, that child become #1. And usually your wife will be paying much more attention to that child, at least for awhile, than she will you. So it dosent really matter. If you want to always be #1, dont ever have children.

It can be very challenging trying to blend families, adopt or foster and takes a special type of person to do so.
I know it can be extremely challenging, so those that chose to need to keeop that in mind, and be willing to put forward the extra effort. If I were to date a single mom, Id certainly take all that into consideration, before getting involved. While a woman has a child with a man, the kid indeed does become number one, but the huge difference is that the man is the biological father. Look at aniumal kingdom parallel where male lions routinely kill off and devour lion pups from another male, before getting together with the female. You can argue how much we are above animal world, but believe it or not humans are indeed animals and we are driven by the same instincts, needs and wants than some of the other mammals in the wilderness.
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Old 11-15-2012, 01:23 PM
 
896 posts, read 1,473,680 times
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I read your post (yes you are doomed) and here is what I got.

"So I met this really hot woman. She has kids. I don't. If I wanted kids I woulda had my own, but screw it...she is HOT.

Oooops, now she wants to get married. So now I am stuck supporting her and her kids. W T F. "

No Shinsky Sherlock.
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Old 11-15-2012, 01:24 PM
 
Location: Under the Redwoods
3,751 posts, read 7,652,630 times
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There is not enough of this situation to really say much about what the best course of action would be. I've been through a custody battle, they are no fun.
How old is the child? Are they in school? You say a relative has custody currently, is that court ordered, if so, why? Does the father work? A good professional job or just a job? Does either parent have any 'dirt'? Drinking problems, holding a job, etc?
What state is this happening in? Some states have a general 50/50 rule unless there is some extreme issue with one of the parents ability to care for the child. Other states favor the mother right from the start.
I don't fully trust attorneys because they are usually more concerned with $ and will draw things out. Some courts have free assistance for family court issues. If the child is old enough, the child can be given (upon request) a court representative, there is an official name for this person, but I don't recall what it is. The rep will speak with the child and present their findings to the judge. If the rep finds that the child has issues with a particular parent that would hinder the child's well being, then that will come out in court and the rep will make a suggestion to the judge.

For those who have spoken discouraging words like the 'run' concept, that's pretty narrow minded and selfish in my mind. Life is not easy and when we find something or someone that makes us happy, there come sacrifices. And some are worth it in the end.
This 'battle' is only temporary until a custody agreement is reached.
For the mother, she can ask the courts for what ever she wants, does not mean she will get it, but it's best to ask for the 'perfect' agreement to start and work it from there. Once an agreement has been made, it can be changed, but that means going back to court.

Again, there are a lot of unknowns surrounding this situation to really give a focused response.
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Old 11-15-2012, 01:45 PM
 
36,226 posts, read 30,664,456 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ascension2012 View Post
I know it can be extremely challenging, so those that chose to need to keeop that in mind, and be willing to put forward the extra effort. If I were to date a single mom, Id certainly take all that into consideration, before getting involved. While a woman has a child with a man, the kid indeed does become number one, but the huge difference is that the man is the biological father. Look at aniumal kingdom parallel where male lions routinely kill off and devour lion pups from another male, before getting together with the female. You can argue how much we are above animal world, but believe it or not humans are indeed animals and we are driven by the same instincts, needs and wants than some of the other mammals in the wilderness.
Sorry Ascension but humans do not parallel the animals. We are animals in as much as we belong to the phylogenetic level of the kingdom Animalia. Species differ greatly and humans are not driven by instincts as are other animals. Reason and the opposable thumb. You can not look at the behavior of a particular family, order or class of animals and project that onto humans.
In reality being a sperm donor (biological father) is not superior, nor is there a differentiation when it comes to actually loving or caring for a child for a person that is actually capable of being altruistic.
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