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I don't know if this belongs in the mental health forum but I would love to know what the very last straw was when a man or a woman just up and leaves their spouse. Does it build up for years or is it something you just found out one day and you're gone the next? Do you finally realize or face a situation you knew had been between you for a time? Feedback please
The last straw could be very, very insignificant! You pile up, pile up, and there's an unknown threshold, where all it might take is a 2MPH wind, to knock it all over!
Same with suicide, the piling up process. That's why it leaves people scratching their heads, something tiny, insignifcant, but the threshold got crossed and that last straw only weighed 1/8th of an ounce!
Mine built up for years--he became an alcoholic and a jerk and as time went on he worked less and less until he was nothing but a drain on me. I just wanted him to die by that point. I was 41, had no house, one kid and there obviously wouldn't be anymore chances to have more, so what was I hanging on for? I was supporting him and me and our daughter, and he was just a big rock dragging me down. Then he had surgery and got the doctors to give him all kinds of pain pills so he was even worse. Still, I took my marriage vows seriously and decided to give one last shot--caught him one morning sober and said, "This is it--you go to rehab or the marriage is done." He started flipping and then pointed at our 8-year-old daughter and said, "If you don't stop harassing me, I'm going to take that f***ing kid and disappear and you will never see her again." Our daughter screamed "NOOOOOO!" and ran and locked herself in the basement.
Sounds like you have a case, but It would be prudent to have his side of the story as well.
Granted his statment is manipulative ,but so is your ultamadum.
Have you saught counsiling profesionally ?
Before turning to a bunch of strangers looking for justification to dump your man, it is possable he is seeing the wrong doctor.
Mine too, I just kept hoping things would change. It was my own behavior that finally got me to change. I was so depressed, and unhappy. I could not take a loveless marrige any longer. Seeing my whole life that miserable was too much. Sure, I am sad now, but overall, happier to be alone than trying to make a dead marriage work. Believe me, it does NOT take two to mess up a relationship. One person can destroy it. And one person, the "martyr", finally has had enough. I got so much grief for not staying in a "forever marriage", like I was supposed to fix it myself? Or just keep bearing the pain? Forget it.
I think most are build ups over time, but there are acts that cross the line and are the only cause of break ups. Cheating could be one of those acts.
While we haven't divorced or separated, we may have come close several times. Over the years, we've realized that my wife gets to an emotional state, where even my breathing irritates her or the way I chew food. Granted, usually something I did started it (sometimes it could be what's happening in friend's relationships projected to me), and then any little thing can set it off. It used to be everything wrong I did over the years would be brought up (even stuff from 30 years ago).
Things are better now. Sure, the breathing still irritates her on occasion, but she knows it's due to her emotional state so it doesn't blow up as big. Also, the distant past isn't brought up as much. I have taken the attitude that if the marriage ends, it ends, so I don't walk on egg shells as much and have become better at defending my position. Oh, and we don't fight all the time, just enough to keep the relationship healthy.
Mine too, I just kept hoping things would change. It was my own behavior that finally got me to change. I was so depressed, and unhappy. I could not take a loveless marrige any longer. Seeing my whole life that miserable was too much. Sure, I am sad now, but overall, happier to be alone than trying to make a dead marriage work. Believe me, it does NOT take two to mess up a relationship. One person can destroy it. And one person, the "martyr", finally has had enough. I got so much grief for not staying in a "forever marriage", like I was supposed to fix it myself? Or just keep bearing the pain? Forget it.
Insightful.
Yep, it only takes one to screw it all up.
And you're considered the loser when you walk away.
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