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Personally,i am going through this,and i do not really know what to think.
I know having both is best,but i find in my case,it is hard to find both in the same man.
Let me start with romantic attraction,or lack thereof.
1. One of my past boyfriends had that primal sexual attraction to me,but no romance at all.
Like,just him looking at me,you can tell he had that primal aspect.
He never cuddled me,or kissed me after sex. He did regularly call me and spend money on me,but i notice on certain nights after hanging out and going back to my place, if i went straight to sleep,with no sex,he would get mad and leave at 4am in the morning. I asked him if we could cuddle one time and he said he does not like cuddling. That was a red flag for me.
The final straw,however, was when after one such incident(i did not have sex with him and fell asleep, and he left at 5am in the morning while i was sleep) I texted him and asked why he left. I told him he was an idiot and he said.."If I am an idiot for wanting to have sex with my girl,than I am an idiot."
2.Guy number 2 is lack of sexual attraction
So this guy does all of the romantic stuff(cuddles me for 12 hours straight),always kisses me,holds my hand in public,brings me roses every single day,spends $$$,makes me homemade candlelit dinners,i have the keys to his house,but one thing is missing......lack of sexual attraction on his part. How do i know? He has erection issues. He does do things in bed that end in a happy ending.
I am becoming a little frustrated because i do want a man to be sexually attracted to me on that primal level. When i asked if he had that problem before he said."Occasionally". I said why me then? He said he has a lot on his mind when he is with me.
That to me is a red flag,because if he can get it up for other women,why not me?
I should add #2 is a combat vet who did 2 tours in Afghanistan.
In my opinion you have to have sexual attraction to sustain yourselves through all the challenges in a LTR. People can become more expressive if they know that's what you want and need.
There's a difference between "not romantic" and "thoughtless," though. It sounds like the first guy was thoughtless, and that's not cool.
Guy #2 is a no-go. You know he was probably tempering his ED issues, and probably had them with all the women he's dated. It's just not something you typically want to admit.
Guy 1. Inconsiderate jackass. I too, am attracted to jackasses, but I do know I won’t be trying to get my self worth from them, or taking their inconsiderateness personally, they’re just entertaining. They eventually aren’t even funny anymore though, and are almost always too emotionally constipated to admit why they really behave the way they do.
Guy 2. “He does do things in bed that result in a happy ending.” Isn’t this enough? I mean along with all of the good things. It’s not that he’s not sexually attracted to you, he has occasional ED issues. Asking “why can you get it up for other women?” Seems really unnecessarily critical, ummm what’s the word I’m looking for...bit**y.
I really don’t get the quandary here, I also don’t see where: “he buys me stuff” for both guys is an attribute you have to include. If you’re not really thrilled with either one, cut them both loose. When you find a guy you’re excited about, he won’t compare to others and you won’t feel like you’re settling.
Guy 1. Inconsiderate jackass. I too, am attracted to jackasses, but I do know I won’t be trying to get my self worth from them, or taking their inconsiderateness personally, they’re just entertaining. They eventually aren’t even funny anymore though, and are almost always too emotionally constipated to admit why they really behave the way they do.
Guy 2. “He does do things in bed that result in a happy ending.” Isn’t this enough? I mean along with all of the good things. It’s not that he’s not sexually attracted to you, he has occasional ED issues. Asking “why can you get it up for other women?” Seems really unnecessarily critical, ummm what’s the word I’m looking for...bit**y.
I really don’t get the quandary here, I also don’t see where: “he buys me stuff” for both guys is an attribute you have to include. If you’re not really thrilled with either one, cut them both loose. When you find a guy you’re excited about, he won’t compare to others and you won’t feel like you’re settling.
Lets face it,guys spend money and give gifts to women they are interested in.
Lets face it,guys spend money and give gifts to women they are interested in.
I don’t find that a priority though, not even mentionable. I like to buy stuff too, I definitely wouldn’t want that to be the deciding factor for some guy to go out with me though!
I don’t find that a priority though, not even mentionable. I like to buy stuff too, I definitely wouldn’t want that to be the deciding factor for some guy to go out with me though!
Is that all you got from my post? Just curious.
It stood out to me as well. Both are what they "do for you, give to you", etc...
ED is a serious thing for some guys, you cracking on it, or making it about you doesn't help.
If you get a chance, google all kinds of ED treatments/pills on his phone or computer at home, then close all those pages. The interwebz will start giving him all kinds of "reminders" to try a pill or two.
It'll take one or two times for him to get the confidence back and then you'll be good to go.
Or, you can just chase the douchebag that doesn't care for you other than what you put out.
There terms for non romantic non sexual attraction relationships with people you meet. it's called friends and acquaintances.
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