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I've always been single during the holidays. It's only when I visit my extended family that gets annoying, as they are all in my business. I've thought about bringing a escort there before, and telling them she is my GFE for the night, but we have to leave by 11 or I'll be paying overtime.
I did see a CL posting for a woman seeking a holiday boyfriend that will end January 2.
This will be the sixth straight year in which I will be alone. Yes, it does kinda suck to be honest. It isn't so much being alone per se, it is that I am pretty sure my family feels sorry for me. I will get text messages saying, "Are you ok" and that sort of thing. I am supposed to go to Philly for T-day but I don't really feel like it. Then of course after that it is time for holiday parties. I don't have any single female friends in NYC to "go stag" with me so I have to go alone or stay home alone. I usually decide to just stay home, watch movies and smoke weed. I can't imagine that this year will be any different.
I stopped going to events where I am the only single person. It was a conscious decision I made last year after leaving one more party feeling embarrassed, ashamed, and sad. I don't want to feel that way anymore and I don't have to.
As a matter of fact, the next time I was invited to someone's house and declined, I told her exactly why and she said she understood perfectly. Don't get me wrong--I'm not exactly envious of some of the couples who are there. For example, the friend who understood is with a married man for seven years now who is never going to leave his wife (wife is aware of the relationship, doesn't care, but is not going to split up the house and there is a grandchild living with them, which complicated things). Another is dealing with a fifty-something man who is struggling with a coke habit. Who needs that crap? But, I am still always conspicuously the single woman, and I know other women look at me in horror and pity, fearing that they could be me (and ironically, that fear is causing them to stay in those not-so-great relationships.) I just would rather not be the turd in the punch bowl, and so I'm not going to parties anymore.
One exception--an old friend is getting married next week for the first time at the age of 47. She is very happy, and I will attend her wedding and put my feelings aside to share her joy.
I imagine I will be sitting with the widowed aunts or something.
This will be the sixth straight year in which I will be alone. Yes, it does kinda suck to be honest. It isn't so much being alone per se, it is that I am pretty sure my family feels sorry for me. I will get text messages saying, "Are you ok" and that sort of thing. I am supposed to go to Philly for T-day but I don't really feel like it. Then of course after that it is time for holiday parties. I don't have any single female friends in NYC to "go stag" with me so I have to go alone or stay home alone. I usually decide to just stay home, watch movies and smoke weed. I can't imagine that this year will be any different.
Make sure you have some good munchies in the house. Much better than drinking alone, IMO.
My mother is 84, so I will still go to her house--my sister and her fiance will do the cooking this year, and my niece (the only other single in the family) will come down from MA, so that's great. And my own daughter will be here from college but has to return T night because she's working the next day.
But for the most part, I'm not even thrilled about family events much because again, out of six living siblings, I am the only one without an S.O.
I'm not looking forward to the holidays this year as I'll be single and I'll be around a bunch of people who are not. Next week will be tough, and I really just want to hide myself away but I'm going to force myself to be around these people who are more successful than me in every way.
Embrace the positives. You can always walk out and leave if you feel like it. You won't have inlaws talking about you behind your back in front of your face and an SO who doesn't stick up for you. You don't have to schlep the kids around to four different families, because your parents and her parents are divorced and remarried.
You can always not go...it's always an option. Get out of town to a place you've never been before. I once skipped Thanksgiving and took off to Mexico for 4 days alone.
Being single during the holidays gives you more options than someone who isn't. If you don't like your family - try someone else's, just drive around small neighborhoods and look for the house with the most cars and go in. There will be so many people there you could pass yourself off as crazy aunt sally's cousin. You can be anyone and tell as many success stories as you want.
Always keep in mind, what may appear as a successful person, does not always a successful person make. Many times these people are living in a major mess of some sort....in debt up to a giraffe's ass, kids who have issues and are about to be kicked out of school or worse, maritial issues, job problems. They may look good on the surface and have a social broadway production of themselves for other people.
Focus on your own strong suits and not the negative ones. And your an adult, I assume, do what you want on the holidays. I'm skipping a stop because of one of my relatives I can't even be in the same room with. On the flip side, the little girl across the street can see my house from her bedroom window. So, I'm going to have her help me decorate the outside of the house, which I had stopped doing years ago. I decided to do something more postive with my energy than sit around feeling uncomfortable with people I don't care to be around.
I stopped going to events where I am the only single person. It was a conscious decision I made last year after leaving one more party feeling embarrassed, ashamed, and sad. I don't want to feel that way anymore and I don't have to.
As a matter of fact, the next time I was invited to someone's house and declined, I told her exactly why and she said she understood perfectly. Don't get me wrong--I'm not exactly envious of some of the couples who are there. For example, the friend who understood is with a married man for seven years now who is never going to leave his wife (wife is aware of the relationship, doesn't care, but is not going to split up the house and there is a grandchild living with them, which complicated things). Another is dealing with a fifty-something man who is struggling with a coke habit. Who needs that crap? But, I am still always conspicuously the single woman, and I know other women look at me in horror and pity, fearing that they could be me (and ironically, that fear is causing them to stay in those not-so-great relationships.) I just would rather not be the turd in the punch bowl, and so I'm not going to parties anymore.
One exception--an old friend is getting married next week for the first time at the age of 47. She is very happy, and I will attend her wedding and put my feelings aside to share her joy.
It appears you are reading at least some of the signals wrong.
Some of them are likely envious of your freedom and deep down wish they could be free of their unhappy relationship.
You pretty much admitted it.
There is nothing to be embarrassed about. Unless they are friends I'd stay away from couples only parties. True friends understand and will be happy that you came and will not give you certain looks that make you uncomfortable.
Make sure you have some good munchies in the house. Much better than drinking alone, IMO.
My mother is 84, so I will still go to her house--my sister and her fiance will do the cooking this year, and my niece (the only other single in the family) will come down from MA, so that's great. And my own daughter will be here from college but has to return T night because she's working the next day.
But for the most part, I'm not even thrilled about family events much because again, out of six living siblings, I am the only one without an S.O.
Agreed there is something extra pathetic about drinking at home alone (don't get me wrong, I have done it), and my body doesn't recover quickly from large amounts of booze anymore.
In my family, not only am I the only one without an S.O., I also am the only one without children. Everyone feels sorry for me. A couple of years ago I showed up at a family gathering about 5 pounds heavier than usual. Not a lot, but I am usually very fit, and I retain weight around my abdomen. One of my sisters pointed at my stomach and cried out, "OMG Onglet is pregnant!" and everyone was overjoyed, hooting and hollering about how happy they were. I had to calm everyone down and say that they were merely looking at a a few weeks worth of eating burritos. Everyone was so disappointed. I think that is around the time in which family started to pity me. And the thing is, I was married, I could have had children if I wanted them.
Agreed there is something extra pathetic about drinking at home alone (don't get me wrong, I have done it), and my body doesn't recover quickly from large amounts of booze anymore.
In my family, not only am I the only one without an S.O., I also am the only one without children. Everyone feels sorry for me. A couple of years ago I showed up at a family gathering about 5 pounds heavier than usual. Not a lot, but I am usually very fit, and I retain weight around my abdomen. One of my sisters pointed at my stomach and cried out, "OMG Onglet is pregnant!" and everyone was overjoyed, hooting and hollering about how happy they were. I had to calm everyone down and say that they were merely looking at a a few weeks worth of eating burritos. Everyone was so disappointed. I think that is around the time in which family started to pity me. And the thing is, I was married, I could have had children if I wanted them.
Yeah, I've done it, too. Probably will tonight. But, I am older than you are, and I know that if I don't watch my limits I'll feel like crap tomorrow, lol.
That is awful, the "pregnancy" story. Amusing to read, but not so amusing for you, I suppose!
I had a terrible marriage to an alcoholic/cokehead/gambler, but amazingly, I got a really great kid out of it. She is SO not me-she's physically beautiful, a very intelligent, disciplined student who has always had boyfriends and normal relationships and who never gave me any trouble, not even during her teenage years. That's my one redeeming contribution to the family, I suppose. Two of my bros do not want and will not have children, and they are with women who feel the same way, so that's all good. I am one of seven kids, and those of us who do have them each have only one, so having children isn't that big a push in my family, but not being able to have a relationship--I don't think it's so much pity they feel toward me as a sense of "something's wrong with her".
It appears you are reading at least some of the signals wrong.
Some of them are likely envious of your freedom and deep down wish they could be free of their unhappy relationship.
You pretty much admitted it.
There is nothing to be embarrassed about. Unless they are friends I'd stay away from couples only parties. True friends understand and will be happy that you came and will not give you certain looks that make you uncomfortable.
I doubt anyone is actually envious of me being single. Having once had the opportunity to be married and being in that terrible relationship situation, I did not envy single people but instead wished my relationship could be better. I believe these people like me--most people do--but I am not the sort of person a normal man would date and in that regard, no women are envious of me.
Unfortunately, there is quite a bit to be embarrassed about. I am an unattractive woman--don't get me wrong, I do the hair and makeup bit and can make myself presentable, but I cannot make myself attractive--I just don't have the raw material for that. I am also abnormally tall, over 6 feet, which, coupled with the lack of looks, makes me the freak in the room. My very existence has been an embarrassment since I've been about 12 years old. I'm quite used to it, and often can ignore it and in fact do in the day to day business world, but there are times when I strongly feel my obvious oddness in a social crowd, and after many years I've learned that it feels better to withdraw instead of fighting it.
Grow a pair. Don't go at all because it will make you feel even worse. Also, you need some confidence.
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Much better than drinking alone, IMO.
