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Is desiring insta-commitment any less shallow than desiring nothing but temporary sex from someone?
In neither case is the person as a whole paid attention to. With one, only pieces of the person are paid attention to, and in the other, parts of the person are replaced with idealized aspects. I see no difference. Neither is wrong if both parties are honest about what they want, but neither seems deep.
Who desires insta-commitment, OP? Are you referring to something that happened to you, or someone else? Could you clarify? I've never heard of that. It sounds clingy.
Yes, using people for sex is more shallow, in my opinion. If by "Insta-commitment" you mean someone who demands a committed relationship before a bond has even been created, then I think that is a lot less shallow. For one, it shows that, despite wanting a commitment being on relatively short notice, if the intention is true and honest then it is actually the opposite of shallow and in fact can be deep and become better. I'd much rather be in a committed relationship (presuming it is a healthy one though not necessarily deep) than be someone's playtime sperm receptacle.
Who desires insta-commitment, OP? Are you referring to something that happened to you, or someone else? Could you clarify? I've never heard of that. It sounds clingy.
I know a girl who watched a movie with a guy in her home. The guy and the girl knew eachother because the guy's girlfriend knew the girl. Afterwards, the guy admitted his undying love for her, and she was baffled regarding why he thought she would feel the same way, particularly because he already had the girlfriend...who she knew. They were between 18 and 24, in college.
I had a friend who had a girlfriend who he'd been dating for a year or so, which is by no means insta-anything, but she began desiring him to call her constantly, and walk with her constantly. I've known engaged couples that don't see eachother that often. This was also in college, so they were on the same campus, but still...so I guess it's comparable in that she didn't seem to want to be around him, so much as an idealized version of him, so he broke up with her, and I'm very understanding of that.
I knew a girl, about eighteen who talked about this wonderful guy who was off in the army, fighting in either Iraq or Afganistan, who she spoke to in letters. She mentioned that he'd helped her a lot through her life. Somebody asked "Why don't you just break up with your boyfriend and date him?"
She didn't respond "No. I love my boyfriend," or "No. I like my boyfriend better." Instead, her words were, "That would be mean."
Wanting instant commitment is shallow, wanting sex is not, its normal. Some immature people need instant commitment because they have issues. Wanting to just have sex/FWB is just how people are.
The common element in your examples, OP, seems to be the young age--teens into early 20's. 18 is very young, many people aren't mature yet at that age.
The common element in your examples, OP, seems to be the young age--teens into early 20's. 18 is very young, many people aren't mature yet at that age.
That's what I was wondering about...but wouldn't it be understandible for younger adults to desire commitment less, rather than more, than older adults?
That's what I was wondering about...but wouldn't it be understandible for younger adults to desire commitment less, rather than more, than older adults?
No, not necessarily. It depends on their emotional profile. Some people grow up needy, due to absentee parenting, a subconscious sense of abandonment, or simply erroneous ideas about what "love" is supposed to look like, or inexperience in how relationships normally develop.
No, not necessarily. It depends on their emotional profile. Some people grow up needy, due to absentee parenting, a subconscious sense of abandonment, or simply erroneous ideas about what "love" is supposed to look like, or inexperience in how relationships normally develop.
As someone who was very recently within that age group...I'm still a little bitter when I see threads talking about men being cowards due to not desiring commitment. I sometimes see such comments as potentially encouraging immature young adults to latch onto whatever they find like ticks...and not let go until they have sucked the life out the relationship. I should probably start spending more time with older persons.
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