Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 11-24-2012, 03:57 PM
 
Location: Alexandria, VA
727 posts, read 1,527,935 times
Reputation: 754

Advertisements

I met this woman online. We chatted online for a short time then moved over to texting and calling. We met at Starbucks last Saturday and had a great time just chatting. We kissed before going our separate ways. Thursday she invites me over to hang out with her roommate, her boyfriend (the roommates), and her neighbors. We hung out, then watched a movie on the couch before going into the bedroom to finish the movie. We had sex and I stayed the night. Things seemed well between us when I left the next morning.

That afternoon I was at work when she texted me and asked me how my day was going. She pointed out that was feeling sick with flu-like symptoms. I indicated that I would come by after work to check on her. Before I went to her house I got some chicken soup that I was going to warm up for her, and a little stuffed monkey. I drove out to her house, and it was dark and the only car in the driveway was hers (I was thinking maybe her roommate took her to an urgent care center). I texted her saying that I was at her house, and ten minutes later, I get a text saying that I needed to go home. I texted back saying, "I told you that I wanted to look after you, but if that's what you want I'll go. I'm sorry if that sounded harsh, but I didn't know how else to word it." I left the soup and stuffed monkey at her door, and I sent her another text reading "I was going to make you some soup. I left the cans by the door." This morning I sent her a text saying that I hope she feels better. So far I

Did I do anything wrong? Things seemed so well between us. I worry that my leaving the cans by the door and leaving her that last text about making her soup could've been misconstrued as a dick move, though one of my female friends says I'm okay. What do y'all think?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 11-24-2012, 04:04 PM
 
Location: Tennessee
16,224 posts, read 25,586,691 times
Reputation: 24104
Why would you think you messed things up, by taking her soup to make her feel better?
I think it was a sweet gesture.
I would not call, or text her. Let her make the next move. Maybe she just wanted a "one night stand."
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-24-2012, 04:04 PM
 
Location: On the corner of Grey Street
6,126 posts, read 10,073,186 times
Reputation: 11796
Maybe you were just too over zealous trying to come by and take care of her with the whole soup thing. If I was really sick I probably wouldn't want a new guy I was dating to see me like that. I think you should back off and see if she contacts you first now. When I'm really sick I don't even look at my phone, so if she has the flu she might just not feel like talking. Give it a few days and try not to over analyze.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-24-2012, 04:10 PM
 
Location: SF CA, USA
4,187 posts, read 5,144,420 times
Reputation: 4999
Wow...you drove over after a few dates and dropped off soup? I can sympathize, I'm very old-fashioned and romantic in that way too, but you got to realize that stuff just doesn't fly anymore, not until you're already in a LTR. You just screamed clingy to her, alarm bells were going off in her head for sure. Yes, you guys had sex, but that doesn't mean anything these days, to her it might have been just a casual hit the spot sort of affair, as she was unsure of you.

So yeah, hate to say it, but you dropped the ball on that one. If she calls you later on, good, but from now on don't try contacting her.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-24-2012, 04:18 PM
 
14,376 posts, read 18,275,393 times
Reputation: 43042
The thought was nice, but if I had the flu, the LAST THING I would want would be to be seen by a guy I'd only been on a couple of dates with, even if we'd had sex. I look TERRIBLE when I'm sick, and if I've puked, well, horrific doesn't even begin to describe it. Blood vessels burst in my face, and sometimes in my eyes, making it look like the whites of my eyes are actually filled with blood. And even if it's just a cold, with my sinus problems, that can easily turn into a raging headache that borders on migraine levels - at that point, I'm in a little ball in my bed and just waiting for it to pass.

Her feelings may have been hurt by your snippy response and she may feel a bit like you don't respect boundaries. Who knows when she saw your texts if she was sleeping, ya know? Did you confirm it was ok before you headed over? Or did you just tell her you were stopping by? If a guy tells me he's stopping over when I feel like death warmed over rather than ASKING, well, stuffed monkey or not, I'm going to be a little cranked.

When your woman gets sick, you ask her "Baby, what can I do?" You don't tell her what you're going to do and then proceed without confirmation that it's ok by her.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-24-2012, 04:25 PM
 
Location: Planet Earth, USA
1,704 posts, read 2,313,993 times
Reputation: 3492
Quote:
Originally Posted by jzcrandall View Post
What do y'all think?
You were just a fling and she has someone else. Probably an ex that comes in and out of the picture.

The soup and monkey thing was fine. Don't blame yourself for doing a kind gesture.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-24-2012, 04:27 PM
 
349 posts, read 458,532 times
Reputation: 422
What you did was a kind and thoughtful gesture. It's a little early in the relationship, but so is inviting you to a get together at her house with her roommate, boyfriend and neighbors on the second date?, amongst other things. She could've at least opened the door to accept what you bought for her, and said that she was going to sleep or something. I agree some others and I wouldn't call/txt her until she gets in touch with you first.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-24-2012, 04:28 PM
 
22,284 posts, read 21,603,792 times
Reputation: 54727
Bad idea to come over uninvited. Bit stalkery.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-24-2012, 04:28 PM
 
4,176 posts, read 6,311,416 times
Reputation: 1874
Quote:
Originally Posted by Inebriated Duck View Post
Wow...you drove over after a few dates and dropped off soup? I can sympathize, I'm very old-fashioned and romantic in that way too, but you got to realize that stuff just doesn't fly anymore, not until you're already in a LTR. You just screamed clingy to her, alarm bells were going off in her head for sure. Yes, you guys had sex, but that doesn't mean anything these days, to her it might have been just a casual hit the spot sort of affair, as she was unsure of you.

So yeah, hate to say it, but you dropped the ball on that one. If she calls you later on, good, but from now on don't try contacting her.

This is 100% correct. Your actions were appropriate for a relationship that is further along than the one between you and her (which may not even qualify as a relationship yet). Your actions were, almost certainly, perceived as too clingy and implied to her that you perceive the relationship to be much further along than she does.

Definitely, do not make any attempt to contact her and please don't expect her to reach out to you (mistakes like this so early usually signal the end).
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 11-24-2012, 04:35 PM
 
Location: Alexandria, VA
727 posts, read 1,527,935 times
Reputation: 754
Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa View Post
Bad idea to come over uninvited. Bit stalkery.
It wasn't entirely uninvited. We had already made plans to go out, and she knew I was coming over after I got off.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Relationships
Similar Threads

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top